Friend invites her boyfriend to a girls-only trip without asking, friend refused to add him to the vacation and got accused of being unsupportive: 'Now the other two girls are asking me to apologize just to keep the peace'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Nov 16, 2026 1:15 PM EST

Why would your new boyfriend want to be a part of your girls' trip in the first place?

If IT's a girls' trip and you want to add your new boyfriend, I'm not going to let it slide. Some people seem to be attached to the hip with their loved ones. They want to do everything together — one day, they are going to go to the restroom together. They don't like the idea of being apart from each other, not even for two minutes. Those kinds of couples are insufferable; they don't understand that they can do things on their own, have their own experiences, their own friends. It is important and healthy to have a life apart from your partner; it doesn't mean that they love each other less or that they don't like to spend time together. On the contrary, it means that they get to enjoy spending time with different people, not only on their own. 

I feel like this kind of thought of including your partner in everything is very concerning and damaging. With this, I'm not referring to when you invite your partner to a gathering with friends so they can meet, or just because; that's perfectly acceptable. The problem begins when every little gathering has to include the partner. That is simple insanity, and you will not convince me otherwise. Your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't need to come to everything. When you have a friend who does this, who invites their partner to a small gathering where you were planning to spill the tea about something, or to a girls' trip like this one, you stop inviting the friend to everything. If you know that your friend is always going to bring their partner along, would you continue to invite them? I most certainly wouldn't. Why would I invite a friend over and expect their awful partner to come with them? In reality, there's nothing wrong with their partner, but if they want to be a part of everything, then something is fishy. 

If I were invited to a boys' trip where I would be the only girl and have to spend time with a lot of men who are friends and who I don't really know, I would run away. There's nothing that I would like less than that. So, why would this girl's boyfriend want to be a part of this girl's trip? I don't know. But I would question his reasoning, as it sounds like a big red flag. 

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    A girl taking her head through the window on a road trip. Model Portrayal.
    via averie woodard

    A girl taking her head through the window on a road trip. 

    Model Portrayal. 

  • 02
    I (25F) have been planning a girls' trip with three of my closest friends for almost six months. We booked a cabin near a lake for four nights, split the costs equally, and agreed that this would be a chance to spend time together without our partners. We've all been friends since college, but between work, relationships, and living in different cities, we barely get to see each other anymore. One of my friends, Megan (26F), started dating her boyfriend Tyler (28M) about three
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  • 03
    months ago. I've met him twice. He seems nice enough, but I don't really know him. Last week, Megan casually mentioned in our group chat that Tyler was excited about the trip. I thought she meant he was excited for her. Then she said he'd already requested time off work. I asked why. She replied, "Because he's coming with us lol." Nobody responded for a few minutes. I eventually reminded her that we'd
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  • 04
    specifically planned a girls-only trip. She said she knew, but Tyler had been feeling stressed lately and she thought a vacation would be good for him. I told her she couldn't just invite another person without asking everyone. She said I was making a big deal out of nothing because the cabin had enough space. Technically, she's right. There are three bedrooms and a pullout couch. But that's not the point. We planned this trip together, and
    via SolanaVelvetHaze
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    none of us agreed to bring partners. Megan then suggested that Tyler could sleep in her room and wouldn't bother anyone. I explained that having someone's boyfriend around would completely change the dynamic. She got defensive and said I was acting like Tyler was some kind of creep. I told her I wasn't accusing him of anything. I just wanted the trip we'd originally agreed on. The other two girls privately messaged
    via SolanaVelvetHaze
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    me afterward and said they felt the same way but didn't want to cause drama. So I asked them to say something in the group chat. Neither did. Yesterday, Megan called me and said Tyler had already bought some things for the trip and was really looking forward to it. She asked me to please reconsider. I told her I wasn't comfortable with him coming. She went quiet and then said, "You know, sometimes I feel like you don't want me to be
    via SolanaVelvetHaze
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    happy." That genuinely caught me off guard. I told her I was happy she'd found someone she liked, but that didn't mean he needed to be included in everything. She said I was being controlling and that I didn't get to decide who she spent her vacation with. I responded that she was absolutely free to vacation with Tyler, but she couldn't unilaterally change plans involving three other people. Then I said something I probably could've worded better.
    via SolanaVelvetHaze
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    I told her, "If you can't spend four days without your boyfriend, maybe you shouldn't come." She hung up. A few hours later, she sent a message saying she'd never expected me to be so unsupportive of her relationship. She also said she was considering canceling because she didn't want to spend four days with someone who clearly disliked her boyfriend. Now the other two girls are asking me to apologize just to keep the peace. One of them admitted she still
    via SolanaVelvetHaze
  • 09
    doesn't want Tyler there, but thinks I should've been gentler. The other suggested we let him come this once and establish clearer rules next time. I feel like I'm the only person willing to say what we originally agreed on. But I also don't want to ruin a friendship over a vacation. I understand that Megan is excited about her new relationship. I've been there too. I just don't think it's unreasonable to expect someone to
    via SolanaVelvetHaze
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    ask before inviting their partner on a group trip. Am I wrong for standing my ground, or should I apologize and let Tyler come to avoid ruining the vacation?
    via SolanaVelvetHaze
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    Four friends posing together in the field. Licensed media provided as editorial context.
    via Melissa Askew

    Four friends posing together in the field. 

    Licensed media provided as editorial context. 

  • 12
    No-Mechanic-1022 NTA. your friend megan is being purposely obtuse; she did not ask if she could invite him because she knew the answer would be no. i wish your other friends were as assertive as you, and to the friend that said "clearer boundaries" could be set, they were already established while planning the "girls' trip" three months before megan started dating tyler.
    via No-Mechanic-1022
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    Spiritual Ad6547 To be honest the trip is ruined either way. I would cancel the whole thing. It's also super weird that Tyler even wants to go on a girl's trip. Is he super controlling by chance? Or is this really coming from her?
    via Spiritual Ad6547
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    celestemacabre7 NTA but all of your friends s k and I would suggest getting new ones. If they can't speak up and just are expecting you to take the fall, they are fairweather. You're getting the brunt and being treated like a itch and I'm willing to bet that they would not be there for you in a tough situation. Cancel the trip, give everyone their deposits back. Then go take a solo trip. You'll have a blast. I'm sorry your friends s k.
    via celestemacabre7
  • 15
    PineappleCharacter15 Excuse my point of view, but f her bringing her gold in boyfriend along!! It's a g d in GIRLS vacation! Having a guy around, will absolutely, completely, change the whole attitude and dynamic of the vacation. NO! Tell her he cannot come! Show her this post if necessary. Tell her that if she can't come without him then stay home!
    via PineappleCharacter15
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    FctFndr In the group chat: Megan, I'm sorry you feel that I don't want you to be happy because I don't want your boyfriend to come along on our girls' weekend trip we planned. I am happy for you and your relationship, but you are not being very considerate of the rest of us. I think it's great that you and your boyfriend want to take a trip together, but this frankly isn't supposed to mean that you two take over our planned vacation. You should
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    plan a different trip, at a different time, rather than our preplanned, prepaid trip. Your insistence on him going on this trip, even after I have voiced my concerns, makes you selfish. Your boyfriend can just pay me for the fourth of this trip, and I'll stay home.
    via FctFndr

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