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01
"It all makes perfect sense"
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02
"Who needs the gym when you can go on a leisurely stroll with the kids and their bikes they abandoned 2 minutes in"
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03
"They get away with so much simply because they are so darn cute sometimes"
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04
"Last night was a rough night. Trying to take solace my parenting choices will lead to strong, wonderful men."
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05
"Kids keep us humble"
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06
"The audacity…"
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07
"A Van Gogh, but it’s A Scary Night every night"
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08
"I was the best parent before I had kids"
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09
"Oh how the tables have turned…"
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10
"I’ve given up trying"
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11
"Bold move, Todd, bold move."
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12
"That’s a bunch of hocus pocus"
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13
"Jack’s face captures the feeling we all have perfectly too"
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14
"The best feeling!"
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15
"English can be tricky, just like a…"
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16
"It’s really a jungle out there with my toddler"
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17
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18
"It’s pumpkin sea$on y’all"
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19
"Also me: [Gets sore throat.] “I don’t have time for this sh$t”"
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20
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21
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22
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23
"Here’s two cookies. Well played, kid."
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24
"In reality I was confused how any of my kids would ever get rewarded for listening as well"
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25
"Help."
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26
"The last minute scramble is a common denominator "
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27
"What lies have you been told or told your kids? "
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28
"Core memories right here"
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29
"It’s going to end up there anyway"
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30
"If you can’t bond about your kids occasionally being little sh*its, are you even an *honest* parent?"
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31
"He did ask if he could marry me which was cute but still, I’m keeping a close eye on him"
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32
"Best to be prepared for the inevitable"
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33
"So unfair"
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34
"Just gonna send a little romantic text to prove I’m right - gotta keep the flame alive"
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35
"My avoidance of most rides at the county fair this weekend confirms this as well"
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36
"Forever tired now"
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37
"No matter how much you think you can befriend it, it is a wild animal that cannot be tamed"
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38
"They really do work for everything"
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39
"The accuracy of this"
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40
"I’m ready for my acting debut now"
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41
"Somehow still not my fault though"
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42
"The accuracy…"
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43
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44
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45
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46
"One sneeze and my back could be out for a week now"
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47
"It was worth a try"
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