'I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are': 25+ Smart alecks who had the perfect comebacks

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Nov 2, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

Don't mess with these people: they've got some quick and witty comebacks. 

When your friends are messing with you or a stranger is shouting at you, that's the time to come up with a witty reply. That's a lot easier said than done. It must be a universal experience to have nothing to say in that moment, then six hours later while you're in the shower, you suddenly think of the perfect comeback. But then it's too late! 

That's why it's extra satisfying when you do come up with a hilarious response on the spot. It makes you look suave and makes the other person look silly. These people below shared some great stories of the times they or their friends got the last word in the best way. 

No one is better at instantly funny comebacks than dads. It's as if the moment they're handed their first child, they suddenly become a beacon of puns and dad jokes. You can truly never win against them. 

Scroll down to check out these amazing stories. Then, read this story of the worker whose boss insisted they come to work during a terrible snow storm…too bad it took a full eight hours to get to the office! 

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  • 01
    Jeans - 'I asked a very tall guy (he was 6'11")if he played basketball. He asked me if I played miniature golf.'
    via Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - What is the funniest comment smart- you've ever heard?
    via u/[deleted]
  • 03
    Font - [deleted] Every so often, people at my university chalk up the concourse to advertise upcoming events. Since this is against the university code to write on the concourse everyone does it late at night. The city police normally run a couple of bike cops, who tend to be do through campus to make sure every thing is kept neat and tidy.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 04
    Font - A friend of mine was writing on the concourse one night and got caught by a couple of bike cops. They stopped him and one of them asked him "What are you doing out here with side- walk chalk? Does mommy not trust you with paint?" to which my friend replied, "What are you doing on bikes? Does your chief not trust you with a car?"
    via u/[deleted]
  • 05
    Font - dljens It was an accident, but up a my friend f standard greeting when he met his girlfriend's coworker and said "Oh, hi! I've heard all but good things about you!" She didn't notice. I've been dying to use this ever since.
    via u/dljens
  • 06
    Font - kismetjeska I can't find it now, but there's a Reddit comment thread somewhere with a blind guy speaking about his computer set-up. Someone says 'I'd love to see your keyboard' and he just replies 'so would I.' F stunning. Edit: blessed be the people more skilled with search functions than I. Thanks, Harold76.
    via u/kismetjeska
  • 07
    Font - hotshot413w In high school English class we were doing a quick play-acting summary of Oedipus. We chose a a few people to play Oedipus, his mom, and some other characters. One of the other characters was played by a normally very reserved and quiet dude. The teacher says OK, start! He immediately turns to Oedipus and says: "You motherf Dude didn't even get in trouble it was so funny.
    via u/hotshot413w
  • 08
    Font - drywal speedkOre mean but unintentionally smart- funny. Mr Hyrka was a grumpy art teacher in my junior high that had a wooden leg. One day this Russian student Igor who spoke very broken English was telling a story about how he'd spent hours the night before working on his painting, only to have his younger sister finger paint over it while he was away, so he didn't have it. Mr Hyrka said "You're pulling my leg Igor." He paused for a second, and said "Oh no I wouldn't do that Mr Hyrka...
    via u/speedkOre
  • 09
    Font - chris_cobra Dad: "What's the passcode to your iphone?" Mom: "The year I was born." Dad: "I don't see a B.C. anywhere."
    via u/chris_cobra
  • 10
    Font - MrMonkfred. Mom: How do you kids get through so much toilet paper? What are you eating?! Brother: Toilet paper.
    via u/MrMonkfred
  • 11
    Font - Vendrasha "You know, you look better without your glasses on" "Yeah, you look better without my glasses on, too"
    via u/Vendrasha
  • 12
    Font - misterbob13 My grandma came back from the beauty parlor. My grandpa said "I thought you were going to the beauty parlor"
    via u/misterbob13
  • 13
    Font - [deleted] Sometimes I like to tell people "I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are" and then watch their face as they reason through whether I'm giving them a compliment or insulting them.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 14
    Font - [deleted] Guy in Jack in the Box: the police." Random bystander: "Yeah man, Sting's solo work is way better."
    via u/[deleted]
  • 15
    Font - MakeItSo7 Brother was being an Mom called him as a son of a . He replied "Can't argue with you there." It took a few seconds, but Mom got piiiiiiited.
    via u/MakeItSo7
  • 16
    Font - MindFixer I used to work at an ice cream shop, and a guy ordered two sundaes: one was vanilla with chocolate syrup, and another was coconut with hot fudge. I gave him his sundaes, rang him up, and he roared back, "you didn't mark these, how do I know which one is hot fudge?!", and I just replied, "the one that's hot"...my boss died on the floor laughing because of my nonchalantness
    via u/MindFixer
  • 17
    Font - astaldotholwen Oh last year I was working as a teacher in our preschool classroom and this little boy is telling a story (of which I can't entirely remember but wasn't altogether daycare appropriate) and my co-teacher says, "EXCUSE ME?!?" and the little boy replies, "Excuse me! Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" To this day it still makes me laugh!
    via u/astaldotholwen
  • 18
    Font - ZenRage Angry Security Guard: "Are you getting smart with me?" My friend: "As if you'd know."
    via u/ZenRage
  • 19
    Font - SpyderCompany A science teacher asked "ok class now name any form of contraceptive you know" and the first answer was "crocs." Safe to say it was the best joke I've heard in a while
    via u/SpyderCompany
  • 20
    Font - hippyslayer The reply of Messi to Ronaldo's comments: Ronaldo told the media that he was sent by the God of football (soccer that is) to teach people how to play. After being hassled by the Press Messi immediately replies, "I don't remember sending him." To this day in the debate as to who is the current greatest footballer I bring up this line.
    via u/hippyslayer
  • 21
    Font - Screaming_Emu Was standing in line at a subway in college. Girl making the sammiches was slow as he because she was busy talking to everyone. She was bragging about how to work at subway you're not just a worker but a "sandwich artist." They have to demonstrate how they can make a sandwich for someone in 30 seconds (or something like that.) So from the back of the line someone yells "well then fu do it!" She was embarrassed.
    via u/Screaming_Emu
  • 22
    Font - str8faced333 In grade school, we were at lunch and the sun was blaring through some windows into my friends face. He gets up to fix the blinds so he could see. The principal sees him and walks up and ask him what he is doing. He says,"I thought I would adjust the blinds so I could see better." The principal goes on to yell at him and tell not to fix the blinds they are very expensive. Then proceeds to tell next time don't think. I being a smart as replied, "Yeah Andy, how dare you think a
    via u/str8faced333
  • 23
    Font - [deleted] Someone says to a guy in a wheelchair in a very sympathetic voice, "Do you need a hand?" The guy in the wheelchair says, "No, but I could use a pair of working legs!"
    via u/[deleted]
  • 24
    Font - ILL_Show Myself_Out Guy on park bench: Run, Forrest, run! Jogger: SIT, FAT A, SIT!
    via u/ILL_Show Myself_Out
  • 25
    Font - Onfortuneswheel. I've told this story before: I asked a very tall guy (he was 6'11) if he played basketball. He asked me if I played miniature golf.
    via u/Onfortuneswheel
  • 26
    Font - PerfectLengthUserNam. My uncle is one of the biggest know-it-all smart- s I know. When my dad got new glasses, my uncle told him "they're nice, but they make you look kind of like a smart-a I replied "what, you don't like the competition?" It was hilarious to see him trying to hide how off that made him.
    via u/PerfectLengthUserNam
  • 27
    Cheezburger Image 9831853824
    via u/thatoneguy1243
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    Cheezburger Image 9831854080
    via u/[deleted]
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    Cheezburger Image 9831854848
    via u/[deleted]
  • 30
    Cheezburger Image 9831854336
    via u/ayriana
  • 31
    Cheezburger Image 9831855104
    via u/PersonFromInternets
  • 32
    Cheezburger Image 9831854592
    via u/Berg426
  • 33
    Cheezburger Image 9831855616
    via u/nibsly83
  • 34
    Cheezburger Image 9831855360
    via r/AskReddit

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