'I left my attorneys office… and couldn't stop smiling': Happily divorced women share their 'epiphany' moments when they realized their marriage was finally over

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Nov 11, 2023 4:00 PM EST

What were the questions you asked yourself when you started to feel ready for marriage? Did you even have a chance to think about it? Getting married can feel like falling down Alice's rabbit hole. The feelings are chaotic and confusing and you think that it's love, but years down the line you either it never was or you realize you've lost that love. It's one of the most stressful epiphanies anyone can have. Yet, once you accept that your once idyllic marriage is over and you embrace the new path you must take, things can actually start to feel brighter. That's the point of an epiphany, you have this shocking realization and it's up to you what to do with it next, and it usually isn't an easy decision. Though divorce can feel dark and hopeless, divorced women have gathered on Reddit to share their epiphany moment and how divorce was not only the right decision for them, but also, eventually, a choice that made them the happiest. 

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    Posted by u/greenonion04 1 day ago Divorced women of Reddit, when did you realise your marriage was officially over?
    via u/greenonion04
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    dont_blink_angels 21 hr. ago edited 16 hr. ago It's crazy what breaks the camels back. I spent years putting up with his affair, alco ism, violent outbursts, computer game addiction, unemployment, and s cidal tendencies. I was young and took my vows very seriously, even if he didn't. I tried so hard to make it work and help him.
    via u/dont_blink_angels
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    What made me call a divorce lawyer: I had gone to the gym in our apartment and ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I had never been able to do that before (I had undiagnosed asthma at the time so that's why running was so hard). I came home and was so proud of myself and told him. He rolled his eyes and said running for 20 minutes isn't
    via u/dont_blink_angels
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    hard. That was it. That was the moment I was done. I put up with so much and supported him in so many ways but he couldn't even say good job to me over something so small. It was like the veil lifted and I could see everything. I called a lawyer the next day.
    via u/dont_blink_angels
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    chighland 21 hr. ago ● My ex husband begged me to stay with him after cheating. I went through some therapy and decided to try to work through it. He told me that if I ever cheated on him he would leave me. I was done as soon as the sentence left his mouth.
    via u/chighland
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    thaiangel9008 · 20 hr. ago Ot I told my husband point blank "I'm not happy." He said "If you're unhappy you're free to leave." And I did.
    via u/thaiangel9008
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    Notthecreativewizard. 22 hr. ago When "we" were making an effort to fix thing, but he had an active Tinder profile :/
    via u/Notthecreativewizard
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    gamerladyM 21 hr. ago ● I turned him down and he asked me: "What do you even do for me? What do you do for our child?" I listed everything, I don't even remember his response.
    via u/gamerladyM
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    I remember the way he asked me, the way he couldn't see how hard I was working for our family, and it broke me. It's been over a year and it still makes me so angry. I always felt like no matter what, I wasn't doing enough.
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    ellepre 22 hr. ago ● Not mentioning what he did to make me feel the way I did....I realised it was over when I had completely switched off, and whatever he said or did made no difference to how I felt. I knew I wasn't coming back.
    via u/ellepre
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    -not-the-same- 22 hr. ago ● When I realized I was in love with his potential and who he could be. Sadly his actions didn't follow his words and I couldn't do it anymore. 14 years we were together.
    via u/-not-the-same-
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    Freelennial 21 hr. ago ● We were separated due to his repeated infidelity, but working on getting back together and restoring trust. At dinner, I was just about to ask him to move back in but something told me to check his phone. A woman had messaged him that week asking if I was his wife/if he was married and he said "no." Something in
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    me broke and I realized he would never change - would always be a liar and a cheater. Still entertaining women while begging me to take him back and promising to do better. I decided that was the last time I was going to let myself be punched in the gut by his betrayal. It was hard but it was the right choice and I'm now happily re-married!
    via u/Freelennial
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    weenertron 21 hr. ago ● I was ill with a condition that affected my vision, and I had to wear an eye patch. Per doctor's orders, I needed to rest. I was also terrified about my health and doing poorly. However, my husband was used to me taking care of everything or at least holding his hand through everything. So when he broke his glasses at work, he needed me to go with him to the
    via u/weenertron
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    glasses store 30 minutes away to get a new pair, because he couldn't handle this transaction on his own. It was rainy, cold, and I had zero depth perception. We had to wait for his glasses to be ready, so he made me walk around outside with him on the slippery sidewalks when I couldn't see well. I was miserable and cold. That's when I knew he was never going to shape up.
    via u/weenertron
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    coccopuffs606 · 21 hr. ago When I would take extra shifts at work so I wouldn't have to go home and deal with him. He didn't beat me or anything, but the tension in our house from all the things we didn't know how to say was unbearable.
    via u/coccopuffs606
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    saraisha000000 · 20 hr. ago It was right after my dad did. The day my dad's ashes were delivered, he came home and told me I was ruining his life because I was "sad all the time." Then, during my dad's funeral he said he was only there because he had to be and that he would much rather be somewhere else. He spent the night after the funeral
    via u/saraisha000000
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    bar hopping with a woman he'd had a crush on, leaving me at home alone. A few days later, he said that I had to let him sleep with other people or else he was going to file for divorce. So, I filed instead. Easiest decision of my life.
    via u/saraisha000000
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    Mediocre Response 21 hr. ago Nine years married, one house, no kids, many attempts on my part to address the issues in our marriage. I moved into the guest room after more than a year of zero intimacy. Three months later I asked him why he's never asked about me moving into the guest room or even attempted to discuss our marriage. He just got
    via u/MediocreResponse
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    frustrated that I even brought it up. I responded by saying I'd never bring it up again and hired a divorce lawyer the next day. Easiest decision I've ever made, but only after many years of frustration, depression, and self- doubt. 10/10, would do again. My only regret is not divorcing sooner.
    via u/MediocreResponse
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    originalhoney 19 hr. ago Holy ell. My reason wasn't as extreme as nearly all of these comments, but I'm glad every single one of you left for those reasons. You deserve better and I hope you are doing better without that toxicity in your life. My moment was when he left the state to attend a funeral. I had
    via u/originalhoney
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    encouraged him to go, since I knew it was important to him, even though we had two toddlers and I ran a small (but very, very busy and time consuming business). I knew it would be difficult to handle everything without him there, but I also knew it was important to him to be there.
    via u/originalhoney
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    Except it wasn't difficult. My life was so much easier for those four days. The kids and I were so much happier. The house stayed clean. We didn't have to walk on eggshells trying to gauge his moods. I was able to juggle taking care of the kids and my business all by myself easily. We even did a ton of arts and crafts projects.
    via u/originalhoney
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    I realized my life was easier and better without him in it. I had been contemplating divorce for a long time, but I figured it would be too difficult to handle everything on my own. When I realized that the kids and I were so much happier and the house upkeep was so much easier and handling my business was so much simpler (even with the constant distractions and reduced
    via u/originalhoney
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    amount of time I could work each day), I knew I could do it. He had been emotionally and verbally abusive, but I was afraid to leave because I didn't think I could do it on my own. Two weeks later, I left my attorneys office after paying the retainer and couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day.
    via u/originalhoney

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