'Here's my availability': Dispute between lawyers escalates to scheduled boxing match

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 12, 2023 7:00 AM EST

Ah, the good old days when academic and political disagreements and perceived insults were settled via the elegant art of dueling. Did one of the Founding Fathers of the United States insult you, the current sitting Vice President of the United States, and cause you to miss out on the Presidency? Well, just shoot him in the eye with a flintlock pistol and be on your merry way!.. Civilized! 

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  • While this honored tradition might be mostly antiquated and behind us, it's not completely dead and buried. This is evidenced by these lawyers who arranged to settle their in-court disagreement between the ropes of a boxing ring. Usually, the idea of squaring off in the courtroom is metaphorical, but this older lawyer was looking to change that when he took apparent offense to this younger lawyer's conduct in court—namely, the fact that he had wiped the floor with him and won the case. The older lawyer approached the younger one in the hallway outside the courtroom, insinuating a desire to get violent with him. The younger lawyer happily accepted and made arrangements.

    Read on to see the conclusion to the story and the reactions below. Meanwhile, we'll still be here waiting for new updates on the promised throwdown between tech industry giants Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk. 

  • 01
    "Do you want boxing or grappling gloves?"
    via Attentie Attentie
  • 02
    Posted by u/MeowSchwitzInThere 8 hours ago Don't threaten me with a good time. мос A lot of lawyers are making the news with their bad decisions, which reminded me of a story I hope you enjoy. I had an appearance for a pre-trial hearing in a small town court. This hearing went 'ok' for my client. The other attorney (opposing counsel or OC) did not react strongly positively or negatively which made sense, because the decision was basically a 60/40 split of what we were disputing. Neither of us wa
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 03
    His demeanor changed drastically after the judge dismissed us. In the hallway he stomped up to me while I was discussing next steps with my client and said we needed to talk. I said something along the lines of 'as soon as I'm done with client'. OC huffed off, and I finished my talk. To set the stage for this next part, I am almost exactly average for height/weight. OC was probably 4ish inches taller, 60ish lbs heavier, and 30ish years my senior. Imagine a big belly, drinker's nose, and some flo
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 04
    So I say goodbye to client and walked over. Without any small talk he gave me something close to 'You think you can just walk in here and act like that?'. This was confusing because nothing really went great OR terrible for me OR him. So I said something like 'act like what?'. This really set him off, and I pinky swear I was not trying to antagonize him with that question. OC then says, verbatim, "You better hope I never see you outside this court, because I will kick the ..... out of you."
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 05
    What he did not know was that I really enjoy fighting. After seeing the power rangers punch those clay soldiers, I begged my parents for karate classes. After that was judo in HS, BJJ in college, and an attempt to fight in the UFC after college. I thought I was tough right up until actual professionals hit me. Then I though "wow I'm actually a huge "and went for a graduate degree.
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 06
    So I told OC "Sounds good, we need to sign some forms first though. Here's my availability, lets find a time and meet at this gym. Do you want boxing or grappling gloves?". I thought for sure he would make up an excuse, BUT HE AGREED. So we set up a time and everything. The small town court gossip mill did its thing, and a couple of court staff showed up to watch the fight. In an anticlimactic turn of events, OC was a no-call no-show.
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 07
    The next time OC and I appeared before the judge (who did not show up to watch the fight), the judge made a snarky comment like 'Is this really worth fighting over'. And OC didn't have anything to say to that.
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 08
    FatBloke48 hr. ago The sarcasm from the judge was the icing on the cake. Vote Reply Share MeowSchwitzInThere OP. 8 hr. ago Judge snark can be some of the absolute best snark in the world. Vote Reply Share
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 09
    Steckie28 hr. ago Dissapointed you didn't show up in court with a huge golden belt adorned with a gem-embossed buckle..... Other than that, great way to handle the situation! Vote Reply Share MeowSchwitzInThere OP. 8 hr. ago That would have been great lol. But I was only a year or so out of law school, so a duct tape belt with some rhinestones would have been most I could have afforded. Vote Reply Share
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 10
    lapsteelguitar 8 hr. ago I have lawyers in my family. This made me laugh. Vote Reply Share Vote ... MeowSchwitzInThere OP 8 hr. ago You should ask them about their best 'small town' court story. Some of those courts are absolutely out of pocket. Reply Share
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 11
    aliensminemoonrocks 7 hr. ago. edited 2 hr. ago Then I though "wow I'm actually a and went for a huge graduate degree. "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." -Mike Tyson Reply Share... Vote MeowSchwitzInThere OP. 6 hr. ago Truth. Also if prime Tyson punched me in the mouth it probably would have erased my memory of grades 2-8. Vote Reply Share
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 12
    Wuotis Heer 8 hr. ago Bullies usually back to down to an actual threat. Vote Reply Share MeowSchwitzInThere OP 8 hr. ago Maybe he knew I had some new lawyer vs. entitled old lawyer stuff to work out? =D Vote Reply Share ...
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 13
    FUZxxl. 6 hr. ago This sort of is why they had academic fencing in Germany. Reply Share Vote MeowSchwitzInThere OP 6 hr. ago Now THATS a thesis defense Reply Share Vote ...
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 14
    626337 4 hr. ago Enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing! Vote Reply Share ... MeowSchwitzInThere OP 4 hr. ago Glad you liked it! Vote Reply Share ...
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 15
    KyOatey 5 hr. ago I've always wondered how this kind of response to someone threatening to fight you would go. Asking someone "sure, what kind of fighting do you train?" isn't exactly what most would expect. I'd like to think it would get someone to back down, but a lot of guys are too proud to make that pivot on the spot. Vote Reply Share MeowSchwitzInThere OP 5 hr. ago Thats why smart people never threaten to fight someone unless they mean it Vote Reply Share
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 16
    Daa RedditAdminAreMorons 8 hr. ago Did he go up to the judge afterwards and tell him off for acting like that? Reply Share Vote MeowSchwitzInThere OP. 7 hr. ago Lol no, he pretended not to notice and slinked off Vote Reply Share
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 17
    Metalsmith21. 3 hr. ago I thought I was tough right up until actual professionals hit me. No shame in that. Paraphrasing: Everyone's got a plan till they get punched in the face - Tyson. Reply Share Vote ...
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 18
    WhuddaWhat 6 hr. ago Ever find out what he was so bent over? Just losing? Vote Reply Share MeowSchwitzInThere OP. 6 hr. ago Never find out for sure, but I guess not winning as much as he wanted or some perceived disrespect? Reply Share Vote
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere
  • 19
    slow_one 5 hr. ago This is glorious. I thought I was tough right up until actual professionals hit me. I had the same light bulb go off ... but this is glorious man! Reply Share Vote ... MeowSchwitzInThere OP 5 hr. ago No kidding, getting hit by someone who knows how to hit is light years different from schoolyard nonsense. Reply Share Vote
    via u/MeowSchwitzInThere

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