Grandpa Gets DNA Test For His Granddaughter, Parents Blame Him When She Finds Out Her Mother Isn't Biologically Related

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 25, 2023 8:00 PM EST

Every family has secrets, and some are easier to keep than others. It's relatively simple to hide things from your kids that don't affect their lives at all. Kids don't need to know intimate details about your life before they were born, and if you want to tell them when they're older, you can. 

However, there are "secrets" that probably need to be disclosed pretty early, such as if a kid is adopted. This can be a difficult conversation to broach and can bring up a lot of complicated feelings. However, there are a lot of resources on how to help a kid through this. There are not as many resources for telling your daughter that she's the result of an affair her father had with another woman. One 15-year-old suspected that something was up with her parentage, and when her grandpa helped her get a DNA test, her parents were less than pleased. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/False-Worldliness664 18h ● AITA for giving my granddaughter a DNA test.
    via u/False-Worldliness664
  • 02
    This is about my granddaughter Lindsey. Now Lindsey (15) has it rough being middle child and she looks different from her siblings. I truly was confused how she had blond curly hair while the rest of the family has dark hair. I though genetics was being weird and I love her.
    via u/False-Worldliness664
  • 03
    The issue came up when Lindsey told me her parents banned her from getting an ancestry test. I told my son and DIL that there was something fishy around her birth she needs to know. They denied it and told me to leave it alone. Now Lindsey is in high-school and she went to her biology teacher. To put it bluntly the teacher said it was odd for her to have some traits.
    via u/False-Worldliness664
  • 04
    She came to me distressed asking me to buy an DNA test since she needs to know. Long story short she is not her mothers kid. My son got someone else pregnant and her bio mom gave her up. This has blown up the family while Lindsey is to being lied to, I am getting a ton of heat for getting her a DNA test. Now they won't talk to me which is making Lindsey even more mad at them.
    via u/False-Worldliness664
  • 05
    Edit: because I have answered this multiple times. They were on the other side of the country when she was born and I met Lindsey when she was about 6 months old. Really not hard to hide the whole thing Edit2: I am confused why a lot of Redditors are treating this like she is 5 and not 15. All I did was buy it she did all the paperwork and shipped it. It's not hard
    via u/False-Worldliness664
  • 06
    Shake_Speare423 • 18h Partassipant [3] NTA. Your son and his wife suck for lying to her until she is 15 about something so important and trying to keep lying to her even after she obviously started to question things. There are medical reasons a person might need to know what their genetics are/are not and if you hadn't helped her she would have found out some other way. At least this way she knows she has one friend and ally who will be honest with her. Take care of each other during this diffi
    via u/Shake_Speare423
  • 07
    False-Worldliness664 OP • 18h I really hope they have bio moms medical history. 46.1k ...
    via u/False-Worldliness664
  • 08
    RemembrancerLirael • 18h At the very least, even if they don't have it, knowing her adoptive mom isn't her biological mom means they won't make assumptions based on false history. RemembrancerLirael • 15h 43.7k For future reference, your granddaughter can now use her adoption as a way to access certain medical exams than insurance wouldn't otherwise provide, such as genetic testing for cancer genes. ... 42.3k ↓
    via u/RemembrancerLirael
  • 09
    RemembrancerLirael 18h NTA - people have a right to know their genetic heritage. Lying about adoption is linked to increased suicidal ideation, anxiety, & depression. You put her safety & comfort ahead of your son's preferences. My grandparents helped my parents lie to me about my adoption & not only have I never forgiven any of them, I'm still in therapy over all of it. To answer some of the repeated nonsense here: parental rights do not have greater value than a child's right to access compreh
    via u/RemembrancerLirael
  • 10
    Domestic_Supply · 17h ● My parents lied to me about parts of my adoption and I'm still not over that. (They hid my ethnicity/ heritage from me.) Even the United Nations recognizes that we have a right to know where we came from. Lying about it is selfish and cruel. And tbh imo it is abusive. It's a violation of our most basic human rights. 41.2k ↓
    via u/Domestic_Supply
  • 11
    jrm1102 • 18h Prime Ministurd [523] Info - just out of curiosity. How do YOU not know that your granddaughter's mom is not her biomom? Your son had a kid and you never noticed his wife/gf was not pregnant? ... Reply 42k ↓
    via u/jrm1102
  • 12
    False-Worldliness664 OP • 18h They told me, Lindsey explained it calmly and my son was yelling about it. They used to live on the other side of the country and I only met Lindsey when she was about 6 months old ✩ 2.2k ...
    via u/False-Worldliness664
  • 13
    CantEatCatsKevin • 17h But what about the 9 months before she was born?! Was there no announcement to expect another kid?! Baby just showed up? ... 546
    via u/CantEatCatsKevin
  • 14
    False-Worldliness664 OP. 17h Our family has a history of miscarriages so it's common to drop news about a baby late in the pregnancy. They did the same with their oldest, didn't think anything about it. I just assumed it was a rough pregnancy we got pictures soon after her birth. Truly didn't think anything about it 42.9k
    via u/False-Worldliness664
  • 15
    jmbbl. 18h Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] NTA. If you had done this simply to satisfy your own curiosity, then that would be different. But you were helping your granddaughter do something that she herself wanted to do. You're getting heat because her parents are mad at being found out, not because you're actually in the wrong. Reply 4 1.6k ....
    via u/jmbbl
  • 16
    Wrong Door1983 • 15h Exactly. It was going to be found out whether OP bought the test or not. 15 isn't that young. She'd probably be starting a job soon. Save up a couple months and she'd have enough money for the test herself. The parents shouldn't have been lying to their kid for so long. They're mad they got found out for being AHs themselves. ... 190
    via u/Wrong_Door1983
  • 17
    Grand-Corner1030 - 18h Aficionado [19] NTA. Lindsey already knew. The only part she didn't know, which parent was hers biologically. Lindsey isn't dumb. She was going to find out, or she was going to continue to get lied to for 3 more years. Your son is trying to deflect blame onto you. He's angry that he got caught lying to his kid and to his parent. Reply 1.4k
    via u/Grand-Corner1030
  • 18
    cak3crumbs • 18h ΝΤΑ I had a parallel experience. I look nothing like my siblings so I got my sister and I to take a DNA test. Turns out, we were full siblings, but in looking at 2nd-3rd cousins something wasn't adding up. Turns out my Mom had a different biological father. Accidentally outed my Grandma's infidelity. She was and shocked we could find that out with modern tech. She had fully intended on taking it to the grave. That girl had a right to know her biological parentage. Reply 430
    via u/cak3crumbs
  • 19
    Potential_Ad_1397. 18h I went back and forth on this. I don't know how I feel about you, but I do believe the parents are the Ah. Majorly. This girl has felt a disconnect from her family and her parents kept ignoring her pleas. They shut down any conversation, refusing to listen to her. I assume they did so to protect your son from his cheating. They did it to protect their image. However, this did this at the expense of their daughter. That is why they are the ah.
    via u/Potential_Ad_1397
  • 20
    You did overstep. You did go against your granddaughter's parents, but you did so because of your granddaughter. I can't call you the Ah for that but I am not sure I would call you Right. NTA (as I can't blame you for doing as your Granddaughter wanted. She would have done this with or without you.) However, the four of you, especially the parents, need to stop focusing on how the granddaughter got the information and focus on the fact that it is out there. They are fighting the wrong battle. Re
    via u/Potential_Ad_1397
  • 21
    Top Ad7154 18h Enthusiast [8] Get her into therapy ASAP. Please. ... Reply 151
    via u/TopAd7154

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family drama crazy things parents say grandma parenting dad Grandpa infidelity DNA grandparents biology parent mom Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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