Pushy Grandparents Harass New Parents Until They Send Pictures of Their Newborn

Advertisement
  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/Haley Lupin • 18h AITA for not sending out photos of my newborn?
  • 02
    Font - ORIGINAL POST: I gave birth to my first baby on Oct. 10 When we got checked in at the hospital, my husband and I obviously told a few people - including my parents. My mom's immediate reaction was "let us know if you change your mind and want us to come to the hospital!" Even though for weeks I said I didn't want anyone at the hospital. Then she said she was packing and said "we are coming of course! But not to the hospital." They assumed they could wait at my house. I said no.
  • 03
    Font - After 21 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, my son was born and we let my parents know. Immediately they were asking for photos. I understand they are excited and already love him, but holy s I felt they were being needy and not respecting that I was tired, talking to hospital staff, trying to learn to breastfeed, etc.
  • 04
    Font - Once we got moved to recovery room, my husband and I talked and decided to hold off on sending pictures to anyone, including to his favorite two people (his dad and grandmother) so it's not like my parents were being singled out. I can't really even explain why we don't want to send pics of our son out right now. We both just have some anxiety about sending a photo to someone and then that photo spreading like wild fire to people we did not consent to having a photo of our son sent to so
  • 05
    Font - My parents lost their minds. Blew up both our phones, stressed me out to the point of tears so husband called my dad to ask them to stop and my dad had the b; to hang up on my husband and then my dad tells me that him and husband don't need to speak or see each other again. when I was discharged and sent home I sent my parents three texts about us being home and asking to FaceTime them so they could see my son via video since we weren't doing photos. They ignored me.
  • 06
    Font - We finally FaceTimed yesterday and my mom told me she had been sobbing all day and it was "torture" waiting for a photo. I told her she made my labor all about her and that no one asked me and husband what we wanted. It was all about what they wanted. They said they don't understand the photo thing. Everyone else in the world sends photos of new babies. I said I don't care about the world and I totally see how sending a photo seems like no big deal and our decision seems irrational but yo
  • 07
    Font - So tell me the truth, am I being dramatic? Am I the AH? My mom said I probably cried in the recovery room not because they stressed me out but because I was just hormonal and tired. Be honest with me, are my husband and I drawing a hard line over something nonsensical?
  • 08
    Font - SkyChicken29 • 17h Partassipant [1] You should have been giving it to them that they were stressing out a new mother and that they should be disgusted with themselves they are doing that to their daughter. Girl you gotta give it back to them. Go hard. They have no right to treat you like this. I would be doing the same thing if I was in your shoes. You are the mum what you say goes. They suck it up and deal with it Nta and congrats mumma! ... Reply 4 11.5k
  • 09
    Rectangle - HaleyLupin OP. 17h That's why my husband called my dad, but then my dad hung up on him because "I won't be talked to this way." ↑ 4.7k
  • 10
    Font - SkyChicken29 - 16h Partassipant [1] Stick to your guns. Show them this if need be. It's pathetic they stress out new mothers like that. How does that help you in any way. You got your husband and he's your rock remember that 43 4 3к д
  • 11
    Font - jaytealong 16h ● I don't want to be unkind to your parents, but what's wrong with them? Like, are they always like this? Or is this an isolated incident? ... 1.2k
  • 12
    Font - HaleyLupin OP • 16h This is not isolated. I said this example earlier but when my husband and I were engaged, my mom was helping me plan the wedding. When deciding the menu she wanted to add shrimp and I said no. She was not pleased. My husband is allergic to shrimp ... and not "oh I got a rash," type of allergy; it's the "oh my throat is closing up" type of allergic. But SHE wanted shrimp and was p said no. when I " 2k
  • 13
    Font - anewlifeandhealth - 16h So is your mother the narcissist and dad the enabler or are they both equally selfish? NTA 4 1.5k 1.5k
  • 14
    Font - canadiangig 15h I'll be honest, your mistake was texting them 3x and then insisting on facetiming. You shouldn't be validating their attrocious behavior. Step back, enjoy your newborn, and forget about them. Definitely don't send photos and honour your dad's request not to talk to your husband, but also remind him you and your husband are a package- you don't talk to him, you don't talk to me either. ΝΤΑ 4327
  • 15
    Font - HaleyLupin OP. 14h I wanted them to be able to see him and feel involved especially since we weren't sending photos. I thought it was a great idea. You can see baby, but there's no photo to be passed around. Maybe I was stupid ... 148
  • 16
    Font - wat the hek sssneakysssnek. 14h Don't be so hard on yourself! It wasn't a bad idea logistically at all, your reasoning for why it was a good compromise over a photo is great. The problem is simply your parents, unfortunately. Gentle reminder that you don't have to spend your energy trying to please them/people in general. Focus on you and your baby, and prioritize what you need both physically and mentally. ... 185
  • 17
    Font - blackcherrytomato . 17h NTA, I find it a bit odd that you/your husband weren't sending pictures to parents/grandparents during a settled time in the hospital. It sounds like you are close to them so seems a bit odd they you couldn't request they keep the photos just for them and not share it. Me not understanding that doesn't mean it's an AH thing to do though. Not getting a picture isn't torture. People are supposed to be supporting a couple who just had a new baby, not adding to stress.
  • 18
    Font - HaleyLupin OP. 17h There are some people in both our families (my mother, husband's grandmother) that even if we said "here's a photo! Please don't share it around" my mom would have immediately been like "why can't I send this to Susan from work and to Kathy next door?? They've known you your entire life and wanna see the baby!" And husband's grandmother would have sent it to every 2nd and 3rd cousin who's number she has. So, we decided to hold off. I know we can't hide this kid forever,
  • 19
    Font - coffeemom23 • 18h Pooperintendant [51] NTA. Take it from someone whose in-laws had a similarly hysterical reaction to boundaries around a newborn: now is the time for you and your husband to stand your ground and insist your parents respect your wishes, otherwise they will act this way every time you don't do things they way they want you to. Reply 622 ...
  • 20
    Font - south3y. 17h Professor Emeritass [87] Grandbaby photos are serious currency in the grandma boasting scene. Your mother really really wants to dunk on all her friends; she thinks that 'everyone' circulates baby photos because all her friends do, and she has likely been promising them pictures. And you are correct: any picture she gets will be circulated far and wide within moments of her receiving it. Her refusal of the facetime offer proves that she's not interested in seeing or meeting h
  • 21
    Smile - EDIT/UPDATE: I first want to say thank you for everyone who commented, whether it was YTA, NTA, or ESH, I asked for non-biased feedback and that's what I got! While my son was awake literally all night, I read through basically every response.
  • 22
    Font - After talking to my husband we have decided to send a photo I took when we got home from the hospital to a large group chat of our families (without my parents) with a text that says "thank you for everyone who has checked in on us! If you didn't know, we are all home and healthy. Here is our little <name>. We please ask that photos of him don't get shared around, especially not on social media. We look forward to having everyone over to visit soon as schedules allow "I
  • 23
    Font - As for my parents, my biggest downfall as a partner and spouse as been my continual lack of standing up for my husband and allowing my parents to disrespect him (this goes back way further than the birth of my son). Not today, but soon I will be telling them that in order to come over and meet our son, I first need an apology to my husband for how they treated him. Hanging up on him and my mother's follow up text (which I didn't mention but she said she would have "let my husband have it.
  • 24
    Hair - Thank you again for everyone's comments! They truly did help me stay awake and alert during last night's marathon cluster feeding session lol.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article