'She feels it isn't "fair"': Husband wants to ditch wife and the kids for Thanksgiving holidays to get some "me time," Internet torn on if he's the bad-guy or not

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Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Nov 23, 2023 6:00 PM EST

Gobble gobble and happy thanksgiving break to all who celebrate. You might think, 'oh, the holidays! What a wonderful time!" But it's not for everyone. For some, it's an extra stressful time. For example, this family's story on Reddit. The husband posted that he feels bad for wanting to skip Thanksgiving dinner with his wife's parents because he needs a break. He doesn't get along with her parents and he just spent a week taking care of her while she was sick. So he needs some time to unwind and she encourages him to. However, he wants to take his time to himself while during Thanksgiving, and she would have to deal with her family and the kids all on her own. Fellow Redditors are torn on whether or not to claim him as the one in the wrong, though many state their clear case why he is not. What would you think?

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    Cheezburger Image 9841725440
    via Ralph via pixexid
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    Posted by u/tgivingbreakaita 9 days ago AITA For wanting to skip my wife's family Thanksgiving because I need a break
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    My wife (38F) and I (38M) have 2 kids (6 & 4). A little over a week ago, my wife came down with a virus that won't be named. No one else in the family has gotten sick (we've tested multiple times) and we've pretty much secluded my wife to our bedroom. I've been doing my best to keep things in order and I like to think I've been doing OK. My
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    wife has told me multiple times during the past week how grateful she is for me taking care of everything while she's sick and how I deserve a break to do something for myself once she starts to feel better.
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    Yesterday morning, my wife woke up feeling much better and finally tested negative and by the end of the day she had no symptoms. She still kept herself in our room most of the day just to be safe, but she did not require me to take care of her like I had been the previous few days.
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    Last night, she thanked me again for all that I did and again said that I deserve to take some time for myself. I told her that I had been thinking about that and said that I would like to stay home by myself this coming Saturday to have some peace and quiet. The issue is that Saturday is her family's Thanksgiving gathering because people have other plans for Thanksgiving Day.
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    She did not like my idea one bit and told me that I can't skip her family Thanksgiving just because I want to have a quiet day at home. I told her that she told me multiple times to take some time for myself and due to our schedule and other family commitments, this Saturday is the best chance for me to have time for myself until after the new year.
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    Her issues are that it's a long drive to her parent's house (3 hours) and they don't have space for us to stay overnight. She doesn't want to make that drive with both kids by herself. She also doesn't like the idea of me skipping a family gathering for no real reason other than wanting a break.
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    We kind of argued about it and I told her that I don't like that she told me to find time for myself, only to go back on that and make it seem like I have to find time that is convenient and acceptable to her. I told her I don't want to wait another 6 weeks to get time for myself.
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    She asked me what I was going to do if I stayed home and I told her I would probably just stay at home in pajamas, watch college football, play video games, and maybe pop a couple edibles. That set her off even more and she told me that if that's how I'm going to spend that time, then I need to come to her family Thanksgiving and find a more suitable time to do that sort of thing.
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    She feels it isn't "fair" to stick her with the full stress of taking the kids on a long drive to a family gathering without me there to help. I told her that if I'm only allowed to take time for myself when it's convenient for her, then she shouldn't tell me multiple times that I deserve a break. I know if I just stay home she's going to be 1.
    via by u/tgivingbreakaita
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    Wielder OfAphorisms 9 days ago. • edited 9 days ago Pooperintendant [69] ORIGINALLY Y-T-A • EDITED due to updated information from OP * ΝΤΑ Taking time isn't the same as skipping a family holiday. If you don't want to go to Thanksgiving, just say as much. Don't put it under the guise of taking time for yourself.
    via u/WielderOfAphorisms
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    When you're sick does your wife get to take a holiday off? This is kind of disingenuous and I think you know that.
    via u/WielderOfAphorisms
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    tgivingbreakaita OP 9 days ago When you're sick does your wife get to take a holiday off My wife has skipped family gatherings on my side before, yes. And I never guilted her about it.
    via u/tgivingbreakaita
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    Mogglen 9 days ago WOAH Dude you gotta add this in the original post. That changes alot of the dynamic between you and your family. Everyone's gonna think YTA unless you add important stuff like this.
    via u/Mogglen
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    carbinePRO 9 days ago Aficionado [13] Not really. Not all family gatherings are equal. Thanksgiving is pretty culturally important to Americans. It's also a whataboutism. Two wrongs don't make a right, and pointing out the flaws in someone else doesn't erase yours.
    via u/carbinePRO
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    carbinePRO 9 days ago Aficionado [13] Not really. Not all family gatherings are equal. Thanksgiving is pretty culturally important to Americans. It's also a whataboutism. Two wrongs don't make a right, and pointing out the flaws in someone else doesn't erase yours.
    via u/123-for-me
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    bitysis 9 days ago Ugh I completely understand, my SO opts out of my family's events all the time, but if I don't want to spend time with his family, I get a huge guilt trip. I have figured out why though, it's because he doesn't want to spend time with his family any more than I do, where I love spending time with my family. It's always about what makes their life easier, not yours. NTA!
    via u/bitysis
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    bitysis 9 days ago Ugh I completely understand, my SO opts out of my family's events all the time, but if I don't want to spend time with his family, I get a huge guilt trip. I have figured out why though, it's because he doesn't want to spend time with his family any more than I do, where I love spending time with my family. It's always about what makes their life easier, not yours. NTA!
    via u/tigress92
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    carbinePRO 9 days ago Aficionado [13] ● OP in the comments said that she's about 50/50. She has acknowledged that they're like that, but also defends them sometimes. Not a good look for her. Also, she's skipped out on a wedding and Easter for reason of burnout. IMO, that's her imposing a double standard on him. Wife is looking more and more sus.
    via u/carbinePRO
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    o Daktari2018 9 days ago edited 9 days ago Interesting group here. OP wanted to stay home to recoup from a tiring week plus of caring for kids and a sick wife and household (so dishes, garbage, clothes, laundry, food, meals,m etc) He didn't bring up the racism card but most of you called him AH till it was mentioned. I don't know about you but when I'm exhausted I can't postpone my recovery for a more convenient time. And adding a social event, even a good one without racist family, would be too
    via u/Daktari2018
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    Why does it have to be for tat? She got to take time off from a family event therefore he gets to? Why can't the man just take a break? NOW?! A week of a spouse in isolation, kids needing entertainment and care and I'm fried thinking of it
    via u/Daktari2018
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    lmcbmc 9 days ago Personally, I feel like he ought to book a hotel or AirB&B for the wife and kids for a couple of nights and tell her to go spend a few days and enjoy the holiday. That would truly give him a few days to relax and rest up. It would be worth it, and the grandparents might enjoy some grandkids time.
    via u/lmcbmc
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    Plus, there is nearly always room to accommodate family guests for one night if a rental is out. Mom gets the couch, kids get sleeping bags on the floor if nothing else. This guy could use a break.
    via u/lmcbmc

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