'Why are you still unmarried/no children?': Single lady compiles an arsenal of quippy responses to use with family during the annual holiday inquisitions

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 6, 2023 6:00 PM EST

If you're single and under the age of 45, there's a chance that your family bombards you with the same two questions every holiday season: Why aren't you married? Why aren't you having children? Like the family structures of the medieval days, apparently the youngens are only good for one thing– procreating and carrying on the family name. Although it's 2023, grannies and great uncles don't seem to comprehend the complexities of marriage and kids, so what's a single person to do? 

Well, most of us have grown accustomed to grinning and bearing it, shrugging our shoulders and putting off the inevitable until next Christmas, but one woman has had enough! u/LadyJoselynne has compiled an expertly tactical list of quippy responses that single folks everywhere can use when they're being questioned by their parents and family members. Finally, a polite (yet firm) way to shut down the inquisitions. 

Perhaps in the coming months and years you'll change your mind, but for now, the only response to tired questions is an equally snarky response. Scroll onward to enjoy this juicy collection of sass, brass, and epic clap-backs. 

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  • 01
    r/AskReddit. Posted by u/LadyJoselynne 1 day ago What is the polite way to say "mind your own business/ off" when someone asks you why you're still unmarried/no children?
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 02
    rheagmb 23 hr. ago "Just lucky I guess". 9.9k karmagod13000. 23 hr. ago Reply god has shined his bright light on me
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 03
    kanineanimus · 23 hr. ago In THIS economy?? 1.0k ↓ Reply Share FearoTheFearless 20 hr. ago The best and most elite answer possible
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 04
    oikorapunk 1 day ago I went business polite once, which is pretty entertaining. "Sorry, legally I'm not allowed to discuss either subject due to a lifetime non-disclosure agreement."
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 05
    opalpanachee 14 hr. ago This is my favorite go to. Give them something that really will leave them wondering what the youre talking about and then refuse to elaborate. They will be so caught off guard and have no idea how to respond
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 06
    PirateJohn75. 1 day ago "I already ate them all." 36 Reply Share Grogosh 1 day ago Is that you Chronos?
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 07
    Grumblinggun2 - 1 day ago "Sorry but you're not my type" Reply Share 4.0k karmagod13000. 1 day ago this ones pretty good. especially if its your grandma asking
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 08
    nestornotabilis2000 1 day ago It was foretold that my firstborn would kill my most annoying family member/ colleague/ neighbor. You are safe for now. 3.6k Reply Share karmagod13000. 1 day ago the shadow lord has already spoketh the prophecy
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 09
    rdickert 1 day ago Just look aghast and ask them "Why would you ask me such a personal question"? Let them explain the importance. 3.3k Reply Share Ottersandtats 23 hr. ago That or "What a weird question to ask someone". Let them really stop and think about it haha
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 10
    Gothcomichorror 23 hr. ago Similarly, saying "I'm not entirely comfortable with talking to you life" works well about my too
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 11
    blackholesymposium 23 hr. ago I'm a big fan of "what a thing to say" said very sincerely while making eye contact 242 Reply Share gambiter 22 hr. ago I once knew an old woman who would say, "Were you trying to be unintentional?" :, or was that
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 12
    mrlebusciut. 1 day ago "I'm overqualified" 930 Reply Share ihahp 1 day ago "Supply chain issues" 386 Reply Share BattledroidE 22 hr. ago "Scheduling conflict"
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 13
    Runns_withScissors 1 day ago "Why do you ask?" said in a curious tone. If they ask again, I say, "You know, nobody ever asks married people why they are married. I think it should be the same for single people, too." Then change the subject.
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 14
    Ok-Froyo9662. 1 day ago I didn't realise it was mandatory Reply Share 94 omaca. 1 day ago Yes, still unmarried. I haven't found someone I respect enough. And oh yes.. I love babies. I just couldn't eat a whole one.
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 15
    Lanky-Point7709. 1 day ago "Why are you not dead?? Tons of people your age are already!!!" Reply Share 690 karmagod 13000 . 1 day ago dead is so hot right now
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 16
    Prestigious_Jaguar48 1 day ago "Bless your heart" 119 Reply Share Neworleanskiller. 1 day ago As a Virginian, that :hurt man. ↑ 34 ↓ Reply Share Prestigious_Jaguar48 1 day ago It's all in the tone. Born and raised in the Commonwealth as well
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 17
    GetCorrect 1 day ago I shrug and say "I'm just not" and then refuse to elaborate. Their curiosity is their problem, not mine.
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 18
    Ankoku_Teion - 1 day ago I'm too mentally unstable to care for a child. starts rambling on about my , suicidal tendencies, alcoholism, binge eating, and self destructive behaviour until it makes them uncomfortable.
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 19
    curiousity60 1 day ago. edited 1 day ago "That's a very personal question." "What makes you think it's okay to ask that?" "How does that relate to (your relationship, such as 'work,' 'this event,' etc)." Clarifying that your relationship is limited and not nearly that intimate. "What an odd thing to ask!" "I'm not comfortable having my personal life made a topic of conversation."
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 20
    Truly Fake Username 1 day ago Say "I've been waiting for you to ask. When is our wedding? I want kids right away."
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 21
    JohnKlositz 1 day ago "It's not for me, thanks" ↑ 137 ↓ Reply Share karmagod13000. 1 day ago I prefer money, thank you
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 22
    ZookeepergameNo719 1 day ago Say nothing. Squat down and crab walk away from the person. Preferably between 10-15 feet away and behind them. Then continue on like a proper human acting crab person would..
    via u/LadyJoselynne
  • 23
    "In this economy?"
    via u/canva

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single responses the holidays kids childfree holiday dinner family members grandma unmarried Grandpa family sassy family dinner Reddit holidays parents children grand parents
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