'Sorry not sorry, bride's request': Maid of Honor Pushed to the Brink Following Bride's Unreasonable Demands

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Jan 4, 2024 1:00 PM EST

Participating in a friend's wedding generally means one of two things. First, it indicates that you are extremely well-organized. Secondly, it may suggest that the bride values your friendship so much and therefore couldn't imagine getting married without her closest friend by her side. Both of these explanations are incredibly flattering, regardless of how they relate to you and your situation. However, what happens if the bride goes too far, her expectations are not met, and, to be honest, you are getting tired of trying to win her over and fulfill all of her demands? 

The story below describes a best friend/maid of honor who is starting to lose her temper with the bride due to her never-ending list of unreasonable requests. OP is asking Redditors for advice and support as she shares her account on the platform. So, read the story below if you want to find out what drove the maid of honor to the verge of collapse and what advice she finally decided to follow! And when you're done, check out the story of a sister who downright refuses to attend her brother's wedding here!

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    cheld Baol "Bridezilla or just me?" ate right Night
    via Canva
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    Bridezilla or just me?
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    I am the MOH for a friend's wedding. Initially when she asked me, I was excited, however that feeling faded away when she began to plan things. As more and more events are planned and more
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    and more of my time and sanity is going towards her day, I can't help but wonder why I am pouring in so much of myself into this. We've had to set aside so many days for dress shopping, parties,
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    showers, an out of state bachelorette (4 days), and more. The bride has made some off putting comments and she doesn't seem to realize they're of touch. Some of us and out
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    mentioned we weren't comfortable with some activities planned for the bachelorette and her response was "sorry not sorry, bride's request." I am absolutely dreading this trip
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    and I feel like s t for feeling this way as I want to support my friend but feel that she's acting overly entitled and pushing others aside. I'm worried I'll have a breakdown during the trip.
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    I wont get too much into the bridal shower planning, which is another can of worms as she has a vision, expects it to be a surprise, but also does not want her family involved in planning...so it's on us again.
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    We are also concerned about costs, as we don't all have lots of disposable income to pay for so many events as well as gifts for the bridal shower and wedding.
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    Each time our many (5+) group chats get going, I have this feeling of impending doom and sink to a really low place. She expects a lot and this is not who she was before her engagement. I
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    don't know if its just me losing it or if she's gone bridezilla, so does anyone have any tips on how I can deal with this on my own? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just need to get
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    through the next 6 months and hopefully we can all laugh about it in the future. eta: I am working to try and reframe everything in a more positive way but it has started to take a major toll on me. so
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    again - any tips would be so appreciated! ***Clarifications/Updates:** Wow! You all made my work break so much more interesting and lovely! I didn't expect to get so much advice
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    and also hear so many stories. I appreciate the advice that people have shared and will use some of this moving forward. I actually feel a LOT better sharing my story and knowing redditors have my back (even if I have to grow a spine!).
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
  • 15
    Just a few things I wanted to clarify: - I know it's hard for people to believe, but please, please try to believe me when I say she wasn't like this before. We go back far and my siblings know her as well and are just as shocked when I show them
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    conversations or tell them about what's happened. Her and I used to have many conversations about how s tty it is when people force us to do things so I truly believed that she would be way more considerate but I guess bridezilla-itis got to her.
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    This is why I am having such a hard time with this because I'm not seeing the girl I knew before. - I've been MOH for other weddings and am aware of costs, having to pay for some
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    things, and know that MOH will have some duties, but this is the first time I've felt so overwhelmed. - While it may sound like the bride is trying to use us for the money, I don't think this
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    is the case as she has agreed to pay for her flight & accommodation for the bachelorette trip. I will put my foot down if there are some major events or activities that I do not want to pay for and/or attend. Celebratory
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    meals & things I am comfortable doing - super happy to chip in (that's how I've always done it!) - Bridal Shower: Really interesting takes from some about how this is usually not something requested, but
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    hosted by people who want to do it. The last bridal shower I helped out with was again - super chill and a surprise for the bride. This time round, it's a request and she doesn't want family involved because she doesn't
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    think they will follow her vision. I don't know if she's realized that that would mean we all foot the bill, but I have been speaking with bridesmaids about this and luckily - a few of her cousins have reached out and want to help out so YAY!
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    lianavan · 21 hr. ago Imagine six months of being a person's servant just because they are getting married. Don't want to do that? Then just don't. Use your words.
    via u/lianavan
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    LemonDeathRay · 20 hr. ago You're caught in a loop of reacting. You don't actually have to do any of these things. You need to sit down and work out what you're genuinely willing
    via u/LemonDeathRay
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    and happy to do, and what you're not. Those are your boundaries. A helpful secondary exercise is to look at your nope list and what the relationship consequences of that might be. Some of those consequences
    via u/LemonDeathRay
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    might make you change your mind on some of them which is fine. Boundaries could look like setting a budget of what you're willing to spend, and opting out of things that break that budget. It could look like declining some
    via u/LemonDeathRay
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    invitations if you can't get time off work etc. It could look like putting your phone on dnd after 8pm. It could look like stepping down as MOH. It could even look like declining the wedding invite overall. Only you can work out what your boundaries need to be.
    via u/LemonDeathRay
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    But at the end of the exercise, you make your decision. You start to respond instead of react. And even if what you've chosen to do/give might be tiring or annoying, the point is you've made a conscious decision to do/give it. That's empowering.
    via u/LemonDeathRay
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    Mean-Radish-6775 OP 20 hr. ago Thank you so much for this. Its given me some calm and I'm looking forward to taking some time to hash out my list of yes and nos and moving forward from that.
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    According_Version_67. 20 hr. ago She's not the boss of you. Somehow you both seem to think that her getting married gives her carte blanche to stomp over all your boundaries, something I assume she wouldn't do normally (?),
    via u/According_Version_67
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    because what kind of friendship would that be? If you're not comfortable doing something - just say so. You don't have to push yourself into an anxiety
    via u/According_Version_67
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    attack at her will. The rules of friendship still applies and respect is still a thing. If not, she will have to make do without you. You got this!
    via u/According_Version_67
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    Mean-Radish-6775 OP. 20 hr. ago I backed down a bit after her "brides request" response but yes, you are right! I'll work on continuing to enforce my boundaries. Thank you!
    via u/Mean-Radish-6775
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    DPropish 20 hr. ago 'Bride's request' - does not equal 'do as I say even if it's unhinged' Grow a spine and SAY NO. I don't get all the people on here spending thousands on someone else's wedding.
    via u/DPropish

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bridezilla celebration ask reddit bachelorette party Maid Of Honor bridesmaids karen Party friendship Reddit in love love relationship advice wedding advice needed
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