'He won't be on the will': Grandpa leaves grandson out of the will, demanding paternity test in exchange for inheritance

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    "Get a paternity test, or he's out.”
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    AITAH for telling my son that I will not include his son in my will unless he gets a paternity test? I (61M) have a two children Adam (33) and Sarah (29). This post is about my son Adam.
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    Adam got married 6 years ago to his wife Jen. About 4 years ago, Adam and Jen separated because Jen cheated on him. She later told him she was pregnant and didn't know if the baby was his or not. Adam was planning on going through with the divorce and getting a paternity test when she gave birth, but he changed his mind when she gave birth. He decided he wanted to give her another chance and make their marriage work. He also decided
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    not to get the paternity test because he thought it would create tension and resentment if he knew for certain that the child wasn't his. Let's call the child Billy. Their marriage has still been a sl. t show since. They break up and get back together every other day. He considers Billy his own son sometimes but other times he calls him Jens son. They're very dysfunctional and the entire family have told them to keep us out of their
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    marriage. They would complain about everything to us when they had no intention of changing anything, so there's no point of them wasting our time with their constant complaints. Every year, I update my will. Not drastically, and sometimes I don't even change much at all, but I go over it with a lawyer and make changes if I want to. Adam knows this and randomly asked me a few days ago if I possibly added Billy to
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    the will. I said I hadn't even considered it because I'm not sure if Billy is even my actual grandchild. Adam said any child he considers his son is automatically my grandchild. I said I don't agree with that under these circumstances. If he had met Jen when she already had a child and decided to be a father to the child, I would consider that child my grandchild if they got married. But Jen cheats on him, gets pregnant and we don't even know if the child is my sons or not, and I'm meant to
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    just roll with it? I said if he does a paternity test and finds out that the Billy is actually his, I'll put him in the will. But right now I won't. I actually adore Billy, don't get me wrong. But I've seen him a handful of times in his entire life. He is mostly being raised by Jens parents who live in another city. My son isn't really raising him, and neither is Jen. They send money to Jens parents to take care of him and visit them a couple of times a year. With the
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    addition of Adam and Jens relationship being extremely unstable with them breaking up every other day, I don't want to get involved in any way, and that includes adding a child I'm not even sure is my grandson to my will. I said I can contribute to his life financially in the form of paying for school and anything else he might need, but that's all I'm willing to do in this current situation.
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    My son is very upset with me. I told him that I can remove part of his inheritance and make it Billy's inheritance if he insists, but he didn't want to make that compromise so I told him that the discussion is over and he can't tell me what to do with my own assets.
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    Medical_Gate_5721 - 14 hr. ago "I'm leaving you something. If you choose to share with him, that's great. You have my approval." Reply Share 2.2k LokiPupper . 13 hr. ago Seriously, my parents plan to split everything between me and my sisters. Their kids get anything left through our wills. 368 Reply Share
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    dijetlo007 16 hr. ago ΝΤΑ It's your money, you can do as you like. Adam could give any portion of his inheritance to Billy of his own volition if he so choose, he doesn't need you to codify it Good Luck 3.3k Reply Share
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    Recent_Data_305 - 15 hr. ago OP could easily live 30 more years, give or take. Adam needs to worry about taking care of himself AND Billy instead of planning what happens to OPs money. OP - Tell your son that you update your will annually, and as you told us, he doesn't seem to be a real parent to Billy. From what you wrote, if he had an active father/son relationship, you'd see things differently. I hope Adam grows up. 33 years old and not acting like a father to a child he calls "son" - that's
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    VI Electrical-Day382 · 15 hr. ago What's sad is even Billy's mom isn't active in his life/raising. I feel so bad for this kid. But OP is well within their rights to say "no" here and are NTA. 407 ↓ Reply Share
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    Carolinamama2015- 16 hr. ago NTA. He's not even raising his so called son his in laws are so why is he all of a sudden caring what Billy gets left? 927 Reply Share Normal-Whereas-5595 15 hr. ago I wouldn't be surprised if it's Jen who's really asking. Adam is just her flying monkey. ↑ 320 Reply Share
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    Sunnycat00 16 hr. ago NTA Why is this even an issue? If he intends to give part of his inheritance to the kid, then he can just do that himself. I would be more concerned with how to keep that from happening. 397 Reply Share
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    Relative_Goose9888 OP · 16 hr. ago He doesn't intend to give part of his inheritance to his son. He wants me to allocate other assets to Billy. So he keeps his original share and Billy gets something else. Reply Share 375
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    Awesomekidsmom - 16 hr. ago So his sisters share should be depleted for a child he considers his but isn't raising & collectively sees a few weeks a year? The fact he isn't willing to give up a portion of his inheritance is so telling (& awful) But I am confused on why your willing to pay for his needs or education is conflicting 426 Reply Share
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    melissamayhem1331 · 15 hr. ago Mannnnn of he REALLY cared, he give part of him up for his son. I would in a heartbeat. I, personally, think maybe set up a little something for him but keep telling your son the opposite. If you REALLY adore that much then do it. If you think they should keep their butu marriage to themselves, then Billy's paternity is none of your business too? 3 ↓ Reply Share
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    J-ss96 - 15 hr. ago NTA but I feel so bad for the kid. Growing up w/ such a toxic relationship w/ his parents. I guess I'm glad he's staying with his other grandparents instead of his parents in a way. It's a shame tho. Your son has a lot of growing up to do still. Reply Share 3
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    twoscoopsofbacon - 15 hr. ago Hard NTA, but such rich people problems. If everyone were poor here the coversation would be about why billy was being neglected/abandoned by his show parent/parents - not fighting about who gets money when still alive people d'e. Regardless, nobody is owed and inherentance. It is your money. When you de, it goes somewhere, if to your kid at that point it becomes "their inherentance." Your son can do what he wants with his money then, including will it to his kid. W
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    sanctioned by the church as how god intended property be transmitted, so dna is almost irrelevant here. Moreover, you stated that you are happy to pay for the kid's school and "anything else he might need" - that is truely very kind. You could tell your son you put an education trust or health emergency trust into the will. Or tell the son whatever. Now he is "in the will" and you will be drid at the next conversation about the subject.
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    But the best thing you can will this kid is the ability to achieve independence from his unreliable parents. 3 Reply Share

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