‘It is not my responsibility to fund someone else's child’: Self-supporting woman refuses to make monthly financial contributions to her brother and his pregnant wife, her mother ostracizes her as a result

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 14, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

What would you do if your family expected you to make repeated financial contributions to your brother, his wife, and their future child, even though you're already struggling to support yourself?

A child is not only a major lifestyle decision, but it is also a financial decision to consider. Word on the street is that having a child is getting more and more expensive, and that's due to rising costs of groceries, housing, and childcare. Save for the fact that the job market is stagnant, and you have a recipe for disaster if you have a child before analyzing what it takes emotionally, socially, and financially to raise them the best way you can.

The woman in this next story refuses to fund her brother and his wife's future child. The woman's mother, who asks her to make these contributions in the first place, isolates her from the rest of the family for making a judgment call: If her brother and his wife cannot afford a child, they should have thought about that before deciding to have one. It isn't up to her to remedy the situation, and commenters agree. Scroll below to read the full story.

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  • "I am not rich and I am not obligated to fund choices I did not make."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Even when you think you've got everything figured out, there's always a surprise around the corner. This self-supporting woman, who is in her late twenties, explains that though her financial situation is a bit tight, she has what she needs to get by. Isn't that what we're all doing at the end of the day? 

    It's not abnormal to ask for help, but no means no if that's the answer you're given, which is exactly what this woman says to her mother upon asking for handouts for her son and daughter-in-law.

  • "AITA for refusing to give money for my brother’s baby?"

    I am in my late twenties, living on my own, paying my own bills, and renting a small apartment. I work full time but I am not rolling in
    via LavenderFlicked
  • money. I budget carefully just to make ends meet and maybe have a little left for myself at the end of the month.
    via LavenderFlicked
  • My brother and his wife are expecting a baby. They have known about the pregnancy for months but they are not in a good
    via LavenderFlicked
  • financial position. A few weeks ago, my mom came to me asking if I could give them money to help out. She was not talking about a one time thing either. She meant regular financial support during and after the pregnancy.
    via LavenderFlicked
  • I told her no. I am barely keeping myself afloat and it is not my responsibility to fund someone else's child. They had nine
    via LavenderFlicked
  • months to save and plan for this. If they chose to have a baby, they should also take on the responsibility of making sure they can afford it.
    via LavenderFlicked
  • Ever since I said no, my family has been cold to me. My mom makes passive aggressive comments about how I am selfish
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  • and arrogant. My brother barely talks to me. I feel like I am being punished for not giving money I honestly cannot spare.
    via LavenderFlicked
  • woman looking at her yearly salary in a document
    via Ahmet Kurt For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • From my point of view, I worked hard to become independent and I am just trying to live my own life. I am not rich and I am not obligated to fund choices I did not make.
    via LavenderFlicked
  • So, AITA for refusing to give any money to help with my brother's baby?
    via LavenderFlicked
  • Joking917 Every time she makes a passive aggressive comment be blunt, make it weird. "Mom I can not afford to financially. support a family, that's why I don't have. one". "I can barely afford to feed myself let alone three extra people!". "Perhaps one of the unselfish family members can spot me $40 for groceries so I can eat this week" make her feel uncomfortable for constantly bringing up your financial situation.
    via JoKing917
  • Pigeoneatingpancakes Oh 100%! Honestly I'd also be petty and offer $2/$5 a month, saying well after bills, rent and groceries this is all I have leftover each month. I told you that I'm unable to help but if you insist. The only way I can give more is if I go without dinners but I'm already feeling sick as it is. But if you think they are more important, I can spare $2/$5 a month.
    via Pigeoneatingpancakes
  • The_B ard_Henry NTA, that is insane. Why the heck should you support someone else's family??
    via The_B***ard_Henry
  • GoetheundLotte NTA, tell your mother she can offer support but you will not and should not have to. And consider going low or no contact if your family keeps being passive aggressive etc. (and also explain that you actually do not have money to spare either and that you obviously need to and must come FIRST and NOT your brother, his wife and their baby). I guess your brother is the golden child?
    via GoetheundLotte
  • BaddieOnReadd Facts. saying 'no' doesn't make u selfish, it makes u responsible w/ ur own life.
    via BaddieOnReadd
  • isupergluemywounds How much money is your mom giving them?
    via isupergluemywounds
  • rojita369 NTA. This is not your problem. As you said, they've had time to figure this out. Having a child is a major life changing event, if you aren't already set up, you have to plan around it.
    via rojita369
  • CarryOk3080 Nta them not talking to you sounds like a win to me. They sound awful and entitled. No contact sounds Peaceful.
    via CarryOk3080
  • Wild_Black_Hat NTA. Even if you have a little left at the end of the month, it should go to your emergency fund and retirement. Frankly, it wouldn't be your responsibility even if you had a lot of money, but this is completely unreasonable. Who will come to your help if you have trouble? Certainly not your brother.
    via Wild_Black_Hat
  • Kind_Application_893 No. I'm sorry your family are this way. I'm sure you've worked hard to make something of yourself and I'm proud of you. Your friendly internet stranger
    via Kind_Application_893

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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement reddit story family feud parenting entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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