‘We’re done': Woman Refuses to Take Care of Stepdaughter After Family Prioritizes Biological Mother’s Parenting Over Her Own

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    I was shocked I told him I thought we had an agreement he said yes but herb bio mother decided to get her the phone so I was like and why did you agree? He had no justification answer. Then he told me that I should stop interfering with Sally's business
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  • 02
    AITA for telling my husband Im not caring for his daughter anymore?
  • 03
    My step daughter Sally is 17 years old pretty crucial year for her academically because the grades she will get will affect her next year when she's a senior. She been wanting the new iphone 15 and I told her if she upgrades her scores and gets at least two A+ we
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
  • 04
    will buy her one. Test results came around she didn't meet the criteria her father and I set in any way and she ended up failing a subject so I told her no phone until makes up for what she failed and do better in her end of year finals.
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
  • 05
    She didn't like that she isn't getting her new phone now and hated that we had a new criteria for her till finals and began to be mouthy. I told her the position we have is very firm nothing will change until she does better. Sally's bio mum lives in another
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
  • 06
    country and rarely gets involved with sally. Occasional phone calls and that's it. Sally called her mum crying that she wants the new phone, her mother called me I explained the situation but she hung up without answering. 2 days after Sally came in so excited
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
  • 07
    that her mother had booked her the new phone and it will be shipped in 2 weeks. I asked my husband about it and he said that he and her mother talked and decided to get her the phone now.
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
  • 08
    I was shocked I told him I thought we had an agreement he said yes but herb bio mother decided to get her the phone so I was like and why did you agree? He had no justification answer. Then he told me that I should stop interfering with Sally's business
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
  • 09
    and that Im never being her mother. I was honestly at shock of what he said cause if I shouldn't interfere why do I cook for sally? Drive her to practices? Take care of her room and clothes? Take her out on dates? Buy her stuff with my own money? Attend all her
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
  • 10
    important events? Attend the parents meeting at school every semester? And do everything her mother failed to do? After that I told my husband fine Im done Im not her mother and will never get involved with her she's nearly 18 so she will be on
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
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    her own anyway and if she needs a mother, she has her biological one she could travel to her or her mother could come to her too.
    via u/Glittering-Record-49
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    ike7177 13 hr. ago NTA-Hubby needs to take over 100% all things Sally from now on. Literally. Stand your ground. I wouldn't even put a plate on a table for her. She totally manipulated you and her father both to get her way. I would completely stop ALL personal efforts that benefit her.
    via u/ike7177
  • 13
    My stepson did this very thing at that same exact age over a car and a cell phone. We had the same parameters that he had to follow to get those things plus he had to get a job and save up 6 months insurance before we would allow him to license. His Bio took him down, bought him a car and then
    via u/ike7177
  • 14
    asked me for 50% of the money for it. Yeah, I told her to pound sand. Our son got angry and proceeded to call me a gold digger for marrying his father. lol I literally made $30,000 a year more than him and owned my own house before we bought our family home together and were married. I still own that house.
    via u/ike7177
  • 15
    Anyway, I stopped every single bit of care for him. No laundry, no meal cooking (I cooked meals-just didn't set a plate for him but he wasn't denied the meal), no longer bought ANY of his toiletries or clothes, refused to drive him to any of his events(his father worked longer hours and was also unable to do
    via u/ike7177
  • 16
    that and his bio lived in a different city). When holidays came I did ZERO shopping for him and left it up to my husband to do it which he didn't do up like I always had. He even forgot our son's birthday because he was used to me planning it and all.
    via u/ike7177
  • 17
    Anyway, our son went to college the next year and by his second year, showed up at our home and spent quite some time apologizing for how he treated me growing up. Something clicked inside him-but we are now very very close and he has never disrespected me again. In fact, he has stood up for me
    via u/ike7177
  • 18
    in any little argument his dad and I have or when his bio tries to say something derogatory about me. He is now 27 and this year I received a handwritten note in my birthday card telling me how thankful he was for me in his life. Priceless
    via u/ike7177
  • 19
    solo_throwaway254247. 14 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] NTA. Hubby is the biggest one. Stepdaughter and her mum are a oles too. You are either fully in as a parent. Or you are not. Her bio mum didn't have to agree with your and your hubby's phone rule, but since you are
  • 20
    the primary caregiver, you should have been involved in the discussion. Hubby doesn't treat you as a full parent. The 17 year old doesn't treat you as a full parent. Your decision to not be involved going forward
    via u/solo_throwaway254247
  • 21
    makes sense. Stick to it. Let the full parents and their daughter figures tout. Sit this out and use that time and money to do things that bring you joy.
    via u/solo_throwaway254247
  • 22
    bluepvtstorm 13 hr. ago Partassipant [2] NTA. Parents always want stepparents to contribute financially and do all the labor but want to exclude when it comes reasonable discipline.
  • 23
    You can show him better than you can tell him. Stop being a mom. Do nothing. Let him manage all of it. She has a mom and you aren't it. Pay nothing. Don't buy any of the household groceries, don't give gas money, don't help with homework, do nothing.
    via u/bluepvtstorm
  • 24
    She is 17 not 7 and knew what the goal and what the consequences were for not meeting the goal. I would be done with him and her personally. I also go scorched earth most of the time so take that for what it's worth.
  • 25
    Impossible_Change973. 14 hr. ago NTA the fact that she went over your head shows she doesn't view you as a parental figure anyway. And since her dad agrees let them tough it out till she's 18. She doesn't have food? Absentee
  • 26
    Mama needs to order DoorDash or dad can leave work early and cook. Etc etc. Matter of fact split the bills 3 ways and let him pay the 67% for him and his child
    via u/Impossible_Change973
  • 27
    74Magick 14 hr. ago A ole Aficionado [16] OoooooWeeee I honestly might divorce him over saying that to you. Let her Mom come back from where TF ever and cart her around. NTa
  • 28
    Practical_Magik_88. 13 hr. ago Same. This is absolutely disrespectful. I wouldn't put up with it one bit!!!

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