'I do not work there': Boss asks for doctor's note for employee's wife's surgery after she takes PTO to take care of her

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 8, 2024 8:00 PM EST

When you're a working adult, doctor's notes become a thing of the past. When you must miss work to go to the doctor, you usually tell your boss, and they believe you. I understand why K-12 schools might want a student's doctor's note to prevent truancy, but they are still a bit of a hassle, especially when your kid is already sick. 

One woman recently got into an unusual situation where her boss asked for a doctor's note from her wife's doctor. She decided to take four days of paid time off to take care of her wife after she had an operation. She got said time-off approved three months in advance. Two weeks before the surgery, her boss asked her to get detailed proof of her wife's surgery to explain her absence from work. All in all, this is a super bizarre situation that neither of these women deserve. 

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  • 01
    r/antiwork u/SheTallSheBrawl • 21h My wife's boss wants a doctor's note for my surgery even though I do not work there.
    via u/SheTallSheBrawl
  • 02
    My wife works at a restaurant that is a nationwide chain. She has worked for three years while taking hardly any paid time off (PTO) so she has a lot saved up. Recently I went to a consultation for a surgery I am having and she decided to take a week off to take care of me. She has much more than 4 days saved up but that is all she asked for. She asked for it three months in advance and it was accepted as well.
    via u/SheTallSheBrawl
  • 03
    However now, with the operation two weeks away, her boss has asked her to provide detailed proof of my surgery to explain why she is taking an absence. This is a gender-affirming surgery and I do not want some stranger to know about it. Also, if her boss all of a sudden knew she was married to a trans woman I do not want to think about how that would affect how she is treated at work. I have never even visited the restaurant let alone seen this man and I do not think it is right or even legal fo
    via u/SheTallSheBrawl
  • 04
    Relevantdouglasadams • 21h I always feign ignorance. What? Why? I'm not sick, I'm using vacation time, not sick time. I don't understand. It's vacation time. Why do you need that for my vacation time? Oh no no, sorry, you don't understand. I'm taking vacation time AA Reply 5.9k
    via u/Relevantdouglasadams
  • 05
    whoinvitedthesepeopl. 20h Excellent point. She has PTO since companies want to lump it together and she isn't asking for any sort of medical leave benefits they need to STFU. She scheduled the days off, if she uses them to play pachinko for a week that is up to her. 42.5K ...
    via u/whoinvitedthesepeopl
  • 06
    Is_This_For_Realz • 20h Say what? You want me to use FMLA time for this and save and use my vacation too? ... 1.2k
    via u/Is_This_For_Realz
  • 07
    turndownforwomp • 21h They are not entitled to that information and your wife should simply say that it is a private medical matter and her PTO has been approved. Boss is nosy and out of line. ... Reply 3.2k
    via u/turndownforwomp
  • 08
    Taronz 20h ● Shouldn't even mention the medical matter. PTO was scheduled. ... 4 1k ↓
    via u/Taronz
  • 09
    turndownforwomp. 20h You're right; at my own workplace supervisors aren't even allowed to ask for details on why you're taking a sick day, which I think should be the standard. ... ✩ 460
    via u/turndownforwomp
  • 10
    Kilgore Trout1111 · 17h Management for 13yrs and would never ask for a doctor's note. It's none of my business, and honestly it made me feel uncomfortable the few times my employees brought me one because they " thought they had to" after coming from a job. It's sad. I also don't think it's legal ... 173
    via u/KilgoreTrout1111
  • 11
    ThisFatGirl Runs • 21h She not taking absence, she's taking leave that she is entitled to. What she does on her time off is none of her boss' business. Reply 1.3k
    via u/ThisFatGirlRuns
  • 12
    Diplogeek 20h ● If it's a nationwide chain, it seems like now might be a great time to loop in HR, ideally by copying them into an e-mail reply to the boss saying, "Hi, so just to confirm, you're requesting my wife's private medical information to approve the first leave I'm taking in three years?" No, HR is not your wife's friend, but some lunatic manager demanding detailed proof of a non-employee's surgery in order to allow your wife to use vacation time feels like something that can potential
    via u/Diplogeek
  • 13
    Failing that, I'd forge something, personally. You probably could get your doctor to write you a note that is sufficiently vague (mine did for my top surgery last year) as to confirm you're having surgery without detailing what it is, but personally, this would be a hill that I'd be willing to die on. IDK how badly your wife needs this specific job, but for me, if I could find a job literally anywhere else, I'd already be quitting. This is massive, massive overreach on the part of her boss, and
    via u/Diplogeek
  • 14
    "No." ARKPLAYERCAT. 19h ... Reply 35
    via u/ARKPLAYERCAT
  • 15
    Blahblah1999430 - 21h Firstly congratulations on the surgery, Secondly in this situation I'd honestly assume it is the manager just being a bit of a trying to convince your wife that they need a "reasonable" reason to use the PTO, they shouldn't need a reason other than they want to take the time especially since it is was scheduled and approved well in advanced Reply 498 ...
    via u/Blahblah1999430

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antiwork workplace-stories jobs employee toxic-workplace job work wives wife time off employees PTO workplace leave surgery toxic-work-environment
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