'He is getting 14-15 hours of sleep every day': Lazy boyfriend refuses to do more chores because of daily 4 hour nap

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 14, 2024 6:00 PM EST

I have never been a napper. Well, I guess I was a napper because I had to be one when I was a literal toddler, but I have not gotten back into the practice anytime after kindergarten. I find that it's such a spectacular waste of time. We only have so many waking hours daily, and I won't waste them with more sleep. I will waste them on important matters, like scrolling through Twitter for an hour and a half. I'm not the only one in my family who is anti-naps: my mom got into them in college, and it was so destabilizing to her life that she had to stop. For some people, naps are like a drug, and if you try to take those sweet ZZZs away from them, they get angry. That's precisely what happened to a 26-year-old woman whose lazy boyfriend refuses to do more chores because he needs his time for sleeping.

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  • 01
    02.0 r/AmltheAsshole u/throwaway28716374 • 21h AITA for asking my boyfriend to skip his afternoon nap. Not the I'm 26F, hes 30M. We've been dating for 3 years but just moved in together 6 months ago.
    via u/throwaway28716374
  • 02
    I have felt crazy busy since moving in together. I work outside of the house, commute for an hour a day, and I'm going to school part time to try and get a better job, so my schedule is already packed, but since moving in together it feels like my time spent doing chores has almost doubled.
    via u/throwaway28716374
  • 03
    I talked with my boyfriend about this hoping that we could come up with a reasonable chore schedule, but hes adamant that hes doing as much as he has the capacity to do. Something else I've noticed since moving in together is that he takes a nap from 4pm-8pm daily. He otherwise sleeps through the night usually 1am-10am, but that afternoon nap is like clockwork.
    via u/throwaway28716374
  • 04
    Long story short, I told him that he is getting 14-15 hours of sleep every day, and that he can start making more time to help around the house by even shortening that nap. I dont even think that amount of sleep it healthy. But he insists its a necessary part of his day and that im crossing a boundary by suggested that he not nap. AITA??
    via u/throwaway28716374
  • 05
    Doktor_Seagull • 21h Aficionado [15] ΝΤΑ He is getting nearly double the recommended amount of sleep needed by the average adult on a daily basis. If he literally cannot function without that much sleep (he's asleep more hours than he's awake) it's time he visited a sleep clinic. Does he even have a job that works around that sleeping schedule? He is TA for being selfish with his time and not taking equal share of the household chores. Reply 10.9k ...
    via u/Doktor_Seagull
  • 06
    Fit_Sea_9575 - 20h This! And stop doing so many chores. They will add up and he will have to take notice. Painful for you, but worth it 3.5k
    via u/Fit_Sea_9575
  • 07
    redheadedjapanese • 20h ● How's he gonna take notice if he's never awake? 3.4k
    via u/redheadedjapanese
  • 08
    lastgirlonEarthh 13h. Yeah honestly these comments are upsetting. I was like this for a very long time & still am some days, but I eventually got diagnosed with a condition similar to narcolepsy. The difference is, doctors now think it's being caused by some chronic illness but they cannot figure out what's going on. I'm seeing drs and getting testing done almost every month at this point. Her boyfriend could be sick without even knowing it. 分 130
    via u/lastgirlonEarthh
  • 09
    ellejsimp 11h The comments that are upsetting you are from people with real life experiences with lazy people and narcissists. Just because you're chronically ill with the same symptoms doesn't mean this man is too. Even if he is, it's on him to get it checked. Instead of going to the doctor, he gaslit his girlfriend into thinking she was overstepping boundaries by expecting him to contribute to their household they share together. I get it, I too am chronically ill. However that's not an excuse
    via u/ellejsimp
  • 10
    CityofOrphans 19h ● There's a very good chance he isn't doing the chores because his standard for cleanliness is much lower, so this tactic could easily just mean she's living in filth while he's still fine lol 分 893 凸
    via u/CityofOrphans
  • 11
    so_much_bush - 19h That's fair, but then she could also say "living in filth and with a partner who doesn't help out is a deal breaker" and leave. 470
    via u/so_much_bush
  • 12
    remas3 19h ● My first thought is that this guy needs to see a doctor. Thats not a normal sleeping schedule and if it is good for him then, he should have part of the chores as part of his schedule so he can do them in the morning or the evening when he is awake. But he should definitely see a sleep doctor and have some bloodwork done. 652
    via u/remas3
  • 13
    haleorshine • 19h If he can nap for 4 hours and then sleep through the night, he definitely needs to see a doctor. Recommended sleep time for adults is 7-9 hours, and needing 14 or 15 hours every day is a sign of something being wrong. Also, does he have a job? He gets up at 10am, and goes for a nap at 4pm, so he's definitely not working full-time, so I'm wondering about finances and what's happening here. ... 483
    via u/haleorshine
  • 14
    CalamityClambake . 21h Pooperintendant [54] ΝΤΑ How is this man working full time if he spends this much of the day asleep? This is not normal. He should see a doctor. If he honestly does require 15 hours of sleep a day, you're going to assume the role of his caretaker if you stay with him. Sleeping that much simply does not allow him the time to handle a fair share of the household responsibilities and have a career. I think YW BT A to yourself if you don't seriously consider whether you want t
    via u/CalamityClambake
  • 15
    haleorshine • 19h Your BF doesn't understand what a "boundary" is. So many people misuse this word. His boundary can't be that he needs nearly twice the recommended hours of sleep for an adult and that OP is expected to take on his responsibilities so he can do so. It honestly sounds like he has some form of medical issue if this is how much sleep he needs, and yes, if OP stays with him and he's not trying to sort out this medical issue, she will become his caretaker. ... 852
    via u/haleorshine
  • 16
    Lhamo55 21h Partassipant [2] NTA, sleeping 4-8 is not napping, and I suggest you move back out if he's unwilling to share why a grownazz man is sleeping so much and unwilling to make an effort to allocate chores equally. Did you not notice his sleeping habits before moving in? Who kept his place habitable before you moved in - did he just stop because you're there? If so, he's just looking for a housekeeper with benefits. What shift does he work and is his work affected if he doesn't sleep so mu
    via u/Lhamo55
  • 17
    haleorshine. 19h Did you not notice his sleeping habits before moving in? Who kept his place habitable before you moved in - did he just stop because you're there? If he didn't nap like this before she moved in, I would say he's using having her there as an excuse to chill in bed for hours every afternoon and calling it a boundary. If he did nap like this before, he should be seeing a doctor because this isn't normal for an adult human. ↑ 615 +
    via u/haleorshine
  • 18
    • 20h Certified Proctologist [22] adventuresofViolet How do you date someone for 3 years and not know they need 12+ hours a day of sleep? You don't. He's either lying to you about his health or recently developed a new health condition. Grown adults don't require the same amount, if not more, sleep than a toddler. NTA. And if he won't give you help with the chores, have him write you a check for hiring a maid for his share. ... Reply 464
    via u/adventuresofViolet

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toxic-boyfriend boyfriend cleaning relationship lazy asleep relationships girlfriend napping naps chores sleep reddit thread laziness Reddit sleeping
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