'How would you feel if I gave you a gift, and then the same gift to another man?': Wife gets upset with husband for buying her and sister the same gift, internet is divided

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Feb 10, 2024 9:00 AM EST

The internet is divided over an argument this couple got into. The OP's husband bought her a gift she's been wanting for a while. However, her excitement was ruined when she found out that he had also bought the same gift for her sister. In her eyes, the gift was no longer special or thoughtful. Her husband apologized, but he didn't think that her reaction was justified, so the OP turned to the internet to ask whether she was valid to be upset.

Well, the internet is divided too. While some people understand that the wife wanted the gift to be meaningful to her, others feel that this case might be an exception. The gift was random, as it wasn't for a special occasion, and it wasn't particularly romantic. Some men in the comments section even suggested that the husband probably thought the gift was really cool, so why wouldn't he purchase it for both of them? I can understand this perspective because my partner thinks in the same way. However, perhaps the OP's love language is gift-giving, which warranted her hurt reaction. What do you think?

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  • 01
    Posted by u/sakuritasensei 13 hours ago AITA for getting upset by a gift my husband bought for me... and my sister?
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 02
    Hi, first time poster... A little bit of context before I get to the main part. (I'm sorry if this is too long)
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 03
    I (36f) have been with my husband (36m) for almost 15 years, and married for almost 10 years. Months after we started dating, my sister (41f) got divorced. Since she
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 04
    married young, she kinda drifted apart from her friends, so me and my now husband started hanging out a lot with her, trying to cheer her up, we even joked that she was our daughter xD
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 05
    So, after almost 15 years, she's not only his SIL, she's also his friend, and I'm cool with it, I love my sister and we get along great.
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 06
    Ok, now, to the AITA part. Last year my husband tried to buy me an Astronord (a music reproducer) for Mother's Day (we have a 4yo daughter) but he didn't find it in stores, so he bought me a necklace
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 07
    instead and told me about his failed quest. I loved the necklace, no worries. 3 weeks ago was my sister's birthday, we gave her an Echo Pop, bought her a mini cake on her day (my parents, my other
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 08
    sister and nieces couldn't go to congratulate her in person) and took her to eat out. So I think we did great by making her feel loved on her Bday. Today a package on my husband's name arrived at home. I told him about it.
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 09
    When he got home, he opened the package and gave me what was inside. The Astronord! I was so happy 'cause, from time to time, I talked about buying it myself, so I was genuinely surprised and
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 10
    touched... Until he showed me another Astronord... He said it was my sister's birthday present... I got a little upset, I said "why the same gift for both of us?" He replied that for me it wasn't for a specific date, just a gift.
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 11
    I then told him "how would you feel if I gave you a gift, and then the same gift to another man?" He felt bad about the situation and said that I shouldn't feel that way about it.
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 12
    So I kinda ruined the mood with my reaction, but I felt uncomfortable by the same present... So... AITA?
    via u/sakuritasensei
  • 13
    Facing_The_Music 12 hr. ago Partassipant [1] NAH. My husband once gave the same necklace (they were different colors but same design) to me and his female friend. I was upset, because I thought as the wife, I should not get the same gifts as his female friends. Then he got one for our niece, and I realized not every gift is romantic. Sometimes men just see something cool and don't realize the implications of giving the same gift to multiple women. He didn't mean anything by it, but I understand
    via u/Facing_The_Music
  • 14
    WJLIII3 10 hr. ago · edited 10 hr. ago I'm a man. I tried to empathize with your husband. If I were to bet, I suspect this is your husbands thought process: *Sees Astronord* "Awwww sweet, finally in stock. Makes up for Mother's Day, plus I got her something on Mother's Day so. Double present. Good husband. H yeah." *add to cart* "Wait- isn't [your sister]'s birthday coming up? She likes music, too, right?" *adjust quantity to 2* "I am f slaying this gift season. I am the greatest gift-giver ever
    via u/WJLIII3
  • 15
    Here the process ends. He returns to fantasy sports or video games or creative woodworking or whatever his brain does on idle. Now the gifts showed up and you're mad and he's just bewildered. Now, I was raised around lots of girls, so I get what is happening here. You feel the double gift shows a lack of thoughtfulness- a gift chosen just for convenience and not for the person. I suppose it does- though in general you're fighting a losing battle looking for a man to produce gifts with emotional
    via u/WJLIII3
  • 16
    But the lack of thoughtfulness is toward her. Her birthday was the afterthought to just getting you something he knew you'd like and had a mission to get for you. He fulfilled his quest- and brought back two so your sister can have something nice, too. If it was the heads of rival dukes and this was 1358, this would be a really top-class gesture. Your dad would have to up your dowry just out of respect.
    via u/WJLIII3
  • 17
    Darthkhydaeus. 10 hr. ago Your wording on this is misleading because most people reading this do not know what an Astronord is. He got you a CD player as a just because gift and likely just decided to get a second for your sister because she might like it too. This gift was in no way romantic. Unless you think he is cheating with your sister, I genuinely do not see the problem here. It was not a case of getting you and her a gift on your birthday, valentines or any special day. This was just a r
    via u/Darthkhydaeus
  • 18
    Itzie Mitzie 11 hr. ago Partassipant [2] YTA - I could kind of see where you were coming from until I looked up what an astornord is and realized it's a CD PLAYER. I thought maybe it was something kind of personal, or expensive, or unique, but a CD player? I would agree with you if he got you both something that was sentimental specifically to you or something that was inappropriate to buy for someone other than your wife, but a CD player is so mundane. If it's something that both you and your s
    via u/ItzieMitzie
  • 19
    TALKTOME0701 - 12 hr. ago If you're truly comfortable with their friendship, just apologize for having a knee-j reaction. On one level, I can understand feeling a little bit funny about it, but you said you like their friendship. He's treating her like a friend. In the future, if you want to get presents that only you get, just tell him. But it sounds like he was just trying to make you both happy, and it sounds like he's a pretty sweet guy
    via u/TALKTOME0701
  • 20
    Ba
    via Nicole Michalou

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relationship advice aita gifts romance wife gift relationships sil husband couples reddit thread
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