35+ Funny Amazon Product Reviews That Deserve 5 Stars

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 25, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Though I rely on reviews for almost every purchase I make online, I'm gonna be honest and say that I've never left one myself. It's totally selfish behavior. I love looking at reviews, and they're an important part of my decision-making process. The people who leave them are my personal heroes, and they fuel the online shopping addiction I nurture. But I just don't have it in me to do it myself. It's a hassle and a thankless job. Like the people who make lyric videos on YouTube. We need them, we love them, but we give very little due to the people doing the grunt work. If everyone was like me, we'd never know which products are a scam, run small, or are perfect for a 5-year-old's birthday party. Society would collapse. 

That said, the reviewers behind these posts answer to a different power. They're agents of chaos. Enjoy their folly. 

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  • 01
    T-Mobile LTE ← = amazon SHOP NOW 9:08 AM Customer Questions Q Have a question? Search for answers Q: Can you replace the spray when you run out A: If you "run out" of pepper spray, you need to move to a different neighborhood. K 3 years ago Q: if i put this in my checked luggage will it explode from the pressure? A: I wouldn't think it would explode 77% V Advertisement
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  • 02
    Roan Ricker October 14, 2018 Verified Purchase It works! My teeth are so white, they've started taking other people's land! 1,253 people found this helpful
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  • 03
    Kelly September 20, 2018 Verified Purchase Number of Items: 1 What can you say about scissors? They're scissors. You put one blade on either side of something you wish to cut, squeeze the handles together, and it cuts. Super sharp, too. They cut almost as precisely as my father's comments about my career path. 80 people found this helpful
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  • 04
    Josh November 8, 2017 Verified Purchase . Color: Tan It's heavy! I sometimes receive documents in larger than your average letter size, that are clearly labeled "DO NOT BEND" My mailmain seems to be either lazy, or incompetent, or both and instead of leaving these documents on my doorstep or porch, (because this would require getting out of the car) he bends and folds them, then stuffs them into my mailbox anyway. This often will crease important documents or photos. So, whenever this happens, I
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  • 05
    Passion Lubes Passion Lubes, Natural Water-Based Lubricant Sean McLemore September 7, 2013 3,671 Size: 55 Gallon Almost Too Effective As UPS discretely unloaded my 55 gallon drum, the driver accidentally spilled it into my driveway. Any amount of cars can now fit into the garage. 4,157 people found this helpful
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  • 06
    ✰✰✰✰✰ Too much pain By Christine Campbell on August 28, 2017 Verified Purchase Causes too much pain and agony, dont know why its so popular now a days, im just going to use toilet paper
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  • 07
    These saved my relationship By CP on Apr 09, 2020 My girlfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up because I was constantly tracking mud into the apartment and ruining the floors. NOT ANYMORE! The traction on these boots is so strong that I'm able to walk up the walls. The floors are clean and her nagging has stopped. Now all we fight about is her crippling alcoholism and my unhealthy obsession with Anna Kendrick. Images in this review
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  • 08
    Not original. Fake. Poor product quality Poor service by seller Delivery time below expectation AMA M&S contagrip 22-09-2018 22:33 | Variation: 41/Leaving a mess... Seller Response: hehe
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  • 09
    Customer questions & answers QHave a question? Search for answers 3 votes Question: About how quickly would this freeze a large block of ice? Answer: Trick question, a large block of ice is already frozen. By KDodds on March 27, 2018 ✓ See more answers (1)
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  • 10
    amazon Beds should look like beds By Adam on June 30, 2016 I ordered this when I was drunk because I thought it was a giant ice cream sandwich.
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  • 11
    .llVirgin LTE =amazon Top reviews 8:09 PM lindz prime Verified Purchase Reviewed in the United States on November 16, 20 Size: 7 Foot Color: Brown ✓ 63% Q W It's a trap Not only does this bean bag completely consume you and keep you stuck in comfortable bliss all day....but there was another consequence we encountered. This bean bag traps farts. My husband sits here, for hours and the farts Pros: Super comfortable are absorbed into the bean bag and you don't smell them again until you later sit
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  • 12
    = amazon prime Back Order them now By Cory H.-Jul 29, 2020 до 1.8 Can I just say that I will be reordering them in every color. Here is me rolling and sliding down a mountain because I was too scared to get up. My leggings did not rip not even a little bit and I got stuck on rocks and trees.
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  • 13
    AT&T CUPTONITEDIS par CASHMERE WOODS = 6.2 02. otomay saray refil CASHMERE WOODS amazon AUTO saras refl CASHMERE WOODS 6.2 02. 9:01 AM 6.20Z 12.24 ✓prime 20% off coupon Q 70 87 % Customer Questions Q Have a question? Search for answers Q: Are they noisy? Do you hear the feathers moving when your head is on the pillow? A: No. The geese used are dead. TC 1 year ago Advertisement
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  • 14
    NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE DIRECTED BY MARTIN SCORSESE LEONARDO DICAPRIO THE WOLF OF WALL STREET JORDAN BELFORT im rick james Jordan Belfort The Wolf of Wall Street ✰✰✰✰✰ (1,198) BEWARE: NOT A NATURE DOCUMENTARY August 16, 2018 Verified Purchase Format: Prime Video I figured with the title it was a documentary about how urbanization is affecting wildlife, but no it's about some scumbag that does a bunch of drugs and has a boat
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  • 15
    000 0000 0000 TI-83 Plus GRAPHING A graphing c Pre Algebra Algebra 142 Statistics scence Biology Physics Business & Finance Tecting SAT ACT AP Q: What does it smell like????? A: It smells like the tears of an English major trying to complete a math class. Karen A Steppe | 5 years ago >
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  • 16
    Vboga22 Verified Purchase Very efficient Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 28 May 2020 Extremely good cutter. Cuts almost through everything, including skin, tendons and flesh. Thumbs up for this product. 123 people found this helpful
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  • 17
    ✰✰✰✰✰ It'sa winner By Norel Pride on July 30, 2016 Verified Purchase Even I could make it work and I took the nicest picture of myself in fifty years.
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  • 18
    JYS Womens Cotton Blend High Waist Comfy Stretch Boyshort Physiology Underpants 3 家族 15 Q: What is the pocket for? Answer this question A: The picture seems to have a hot pack that is believed to help menstrual cramps. S.S. . 6 months ago Leave a Comment A: Definitely snacks UserE 1 month ago Leave a Comment A: Snacks Amazon Customer . 6 months ago Leave a Comment
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  • 19
    MOSISO Water Repellent Neoprene Laptop Sleeve Bag Cover Compatible 15- ✰✰✰✰✰ Caught fire (yes, literally was on fire) and laptop is still fine! (don't try this at home) By Tiffanie Ellis on Jun 14, 2017 Full disclosure: I'm an idiot. However, I live in a less than outstanding neighborhood and my laptop is life. So I was in the habit of hiding my laptop in the broiler. (It has gone well for six months.) But alas, the day came where I was truly idiotic and turned on the oven. MY LAPTOP CASE CAUGHT
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  • 20
    L 1 review ⠀ 5 months ago I have been a professional medium for 15 and a half years and am VERY sensitive to all of the energy forces that surround us. The instructors are great and the facility is clean but when I walked into the studio I was ASSAULTED by the dark energy radiating from Monica at the front desk. 1
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  • 21
    Top reviews The Beef - May 23, 2019 Verified Purchase Size: 60 PACK Be sure you really need 60 condoms before you buy 60 condoms So these are some great condoms right, but I'm just here to give you some life advice. I bought these back when I was in a relationship with someone way out of my league. I figured, after how long we had been together I should just start buying protection in bulk, right? So I buy sixty condoms and we keep getting it on for a while until she dumped me. Now I have a draw
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  • 22
    amazon prime er to Taylor Seattle 98107 2019 Summer Hot Short Sleeve V-Necl al Print Mini Boho Sun Dress with ( ed ect size to see price ✓ See more Top reviews Amazon Customer May 25, 2019 Verified Purchase Size: X-Large Color: Red Recommended by World's Worst Mom I bought this for a generally ungrateful and entitled 21 year old daughter. She wears about a 12 usually and I ordered an XL. It fit & looked great on her, and if she had refrained from her moodiness it would have had an even better ef
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  • 23
    amazon prime ✰✰✰✰✰ I'm crying while typing... on June 3, 2018 By Verified Purchase Size: Small Color: Red My ex-girlfriend bought this on my account. I'm still hurt from the breakup but Amazon is bugging me about a review so here I am lurking her Instagram to see the outfit and give an honest review on her behalf. Even though I was unable to see it in person she looks great in this two piece and it fits every curve just right. I can just imagine all the attention she is getting in this. Although
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  • 24
    Top reviews from other countries Amazon Customer ✰✰✰✰✰ Verified Purchase Missing letter!!! Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 September 2020 HAPPY BIRHTAY Absolutely gutted. I've just sat and blown up all the letters to find that the D is missing but been replaced with an extra A. It's my daughters birthday tomorrow and now I won't be able to decorate it as planned! Not happy at all!!! 3 people found this helpful
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  • 25
    babyswirly S Verified Purchase My cat is special. Reviewed in the United States on July 26, 2021 Color: Gray The product itself is fine and I assume works as its designed to if your cat actually gets in it. My cat is struggling with understanding how to use it and after having it for over a month, still has not actually sat in it once! I tried putting food in it and cat nip to encourage her and she ended up underneath it instead of in it! She's special. If nothing else, it was at least worth som
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  • 26
    < Josh's Frogs Pinhead Banded Crickets (1000 Count) Kirsten Dobner Terrible terrible terrible September 23, 2015 Verified Purchase Tell me how shipping crickets in this way makes any sense at all. I opened the box and my house was flooded with hundreds of tiny crickets the size of coffee grounds. I am disgusted. 40 people found this helpful Helpful Report
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  • 27
    It's not just for ladies!!! By Gil on March 4, 2018 Verified Purchase My wife bought this for our pregnancy announcement and it was too big. I saw my opportunity and I knew what I had to do. This dress does it all! You want feel pretty? Check Majestic? Sure Pregnant? Of course Hot? It's lit fam I'd rate this a perfect 5/5, I'm not sure how it works for the ladies but it made me feel like a queen.
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  • 28
    Reid hamlin ✰✰✰✰✰ A fun way to ruin a weekend and blow 100 bucks. February 3, 2018 We took this ball to the beach and after close to 2 hours to pump it up, we pushed it around for about 10 fun filled minutes. That was when the wind picked it up and sent it huddling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed everything in its path. Children screamed in terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sand castles. Grown men were knocked down trying to save their families. The faster
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  • 29
    ← Q Search Amazon O Q:Can i make an invisibility cloak from this thread and if so how do i find it when i take it off and lay it down somewhere? Answer this question A: Yes. And you have to make sure to hang it up properly in the same place every day. I made one myself once, and it fell off the hanger and onto my dog. I haven't seen him in years, but his barks still haunt the halls of my home at night 2 years ago Helpful? 22 0 Report
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  • 30
    Verified Purchase I hate these shoes Reviewed in the United States on February 3, 2017 Size: 8 Women/6 Men Color: Black I hate these shoes. Yes, I gave a five star rating and I hate them. I'm a cook and I have to wear non-slip footwear to work. I have tried MANY different non-slip shoes over the course of a decade and these are the most reliable, easiest to clean, affordable and utilitarian shoes I've found. My feet never hurt. Let me repeat that. My feet NEVER hurt. But here's the thing. These
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  • 31
    AT&T S ← = amazon prime Customer Questions Q Have a question? Search for answers 1:38 AM Q Q: Does the cord to this lamp contain chemicals known to cause cancer? A: Do you plan on eating it? J. M. C. | 4 years ago 92% ! Advertisement
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  • 32
    Verified Purchase Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 6 January 2019 They're spoons, spoon shaped and great for spoon-type activities Hard to review a spoon. They are spoon-shaped and haven't failed to do any spoony actions I have asked of them to date. 92 people found this helpful Helpful Report
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  • 33
    No Service ← = amazon prime Juliennes 11:49 PM 134 people found this helpful Helpful Report Q Worlds BEST Sponges. if I could give these sponges a million stars I would. I love them so much I couldn't even bring my self to use them I drew faces on them, they are now my friends and I have a little over 40 sponges! I am soon ordering more. I LOVE THESE SPONGES! they are a gift from god! 7 35% 1.6
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  • 34
    Top reviews from the United States Beth R Read back to front? Reviewed in the United States on December 18, 2020 one. Verified Purchase The binding on this book is backwards, and the book has to be read back to front. I ordered a replacement, so hopefully that one is not like this 29 people found this helpful Helpful Report
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  • 35
    Verified Purchase Girlfriend loved this wine. Mother in law hated it. Double win. My partner has a love of all thing different, so plum wine was a must for her birthday. She tried it and has consistently been trying to pour it down anyone's throats that can try it. I had a try myself. It's somewhat dry, smooth and sweet at the same time. It's certainly got a very different taste to your standard grape wines. Somewhere between a very strong cider and a dry wine. MIL hated it so worth every penny.
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  • 36
    Brand: Fashionclubs ✰✰✰✰✰ 203 Mini Babies, 200pcs 1 Inch Mini Plastic Babies for Baby Shower Ice Cubes Game Tiny Babies Baby Party Favor Supplies Decorations Amazon's Choice for "mini babies 1000" Verified Purchase Yes. Reviewed in the United States on January 7, 2021 I bought these so I could hide them everywhere for my fiancé to find. At first he thought it was a charming new bit of mine. He thought I only had one or two of these tiny plastic babies. He thought wrong. Hearing his deep exhauste
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