'He's not turned out to be a good person': Concerned mom encourages son's girlfriend to break up with him, faces his wrath

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 4, 2024 1:00 PM EST

Once you get past a certain age, it becomes pretty easy to recognize when two people in a relationship are badly suited to one another. They weren't lying when they said love is blind, and some won't even listen when they get a necessary wake-up call.

However, this isn't always the case. If somebody's partner is not acting in their best interests, sometimes a gentle push from somebody with their best interests at heart is all they need to end things. 

This is what happened with one Redditor and her son's aspiring doctor girlfriend, who she feared deserved better than her lazy, unambitious child. Advising that she put herself first when the girl admitted that she was unhappy in the relationship, her son fell out with her after he faced an unceremonious dumping. Most on AITA thought the mom had done the right thing, although some had their reservations with her actions.

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Minute-Layer-4412 • 1d AITA for telling my son's girlfriend to break up with him? Not the
    via Minute-Layer-4412
  • 02
    My (F41) son (M20) has been in a relationship with his girlfriend, Lily (F20), for about three years now. I love my son and I hate to say this, but he's not turned out to be a good person. He has very little work ethic, has no desire to get a job or go to college, and spends most of his time gaming or partying. Lily on the other hand, is the polar opposite. She's very studious, has aspirations to be a doctor, is a very good swimmer, and is currently away at college.
    via Minute-Layer-4412
  • 03
    When my son and Lily first got together in high school, they were an excellent match. We loved having Lily over and my son definitely took more care of himself. Since then, it's rapidly deteriorated. I know my son still loves Lily, but he never gives her the attention she deserves and with her clear potential, I just feel she deserves better.
    via Minute-Layer-4412
  • 04
    When Lily came to visit a few days ago, she was visibly upset. When my son went to the store, I asked her if she was okay, and she told me that she didn't know what to do and wondered why my son had such little ambition and was so lazy. I told her I didn't see it changing anytime soon (as that's my view given it's been ongoing for almost two years); when she asked what I would do in her situation, I told her to put herself first and what she wanted. Lily thanked me and said she'd think about thi
    via Minute-Layer-4412
  • 05
    Well earlier today, my son comes downstairs in a rage telling me that Lily had broken up with him via text. I asked him what she said and apparently the message referred to "discussions with your mom" that had made her rethink the relationship. My son was livid that I'd gotten involved and said I'd overstepped boundaries. I told him that I didn't advise Lily to leave him, just said she had to make her own choices and decide what was best for her.
    via Minute-Layer-4412
  • 06
    My son is now not talking to me and my husband is annoyed believing that having no Lily will make my son's rut last even longer. I also miss having Lily around. So, AITA?
    via Minute-Layer-4412
  • 07
    many_hobbies_gal 1d Pooperintendant [63] NTA you didn't tell her to end the relationship, you told her to consider her needs. You son certainly wasn't. Tell your husband it isn't up to Lily to get your son out of his rut and maybe he needs to spend more time, teaching him how to be a good man and not a mooch. Let your son be angry, he will do one of two things stay angry or get off his and start pulling his own weight. Too many young adults have little to no aspirations and are more concerned li
    via many_hobbies_gal
  • 08
    foundinwonderland 1d Husband should really back tf off of volunteering Lily to be his son's emotional support animal. Pretty dehumanizing to be reduced to the "cure" for the son's apathy, laziness and selfishness. She is her own person with her own wants and dreams, not the manic pixie dream girl who comes in to save a man from himself. O
    via foundinwonderland
  • 09
    SkullsInSpace 1d This. Thank you, OP, for helping to clarify to a promising young woman that her life is always gonna be worth more than fixing her partner. So many people out there giving away their lives trying to fix or help someone who isn't taking responsibility for their own growth.
    via SkullsInSpace
  • 10
    Spicy Tiger838 1d I have to say, OP. I think you're a very good parent. Not only to your son but the "Lily" that was in your life. We all need good people looking out for us. I'm proud of you.
    via SpicyTiger838
  • 11
    Elivercury 1d Enthusiast [6] NTA you didn't tell her to break up with him, you told her she needs to put herself first which is solid advice to anybody. The fact that putting herself first meant breaking up with your son is his issue for being a waste of space. Your husband can also get in the bin expecting Lily to "get him out of his rut" - if it's that simple he can get involved and sort it, he's his son. Besides, who knows? Maybe this will be the kick in the he needs to sort himself and win h
    via Elivercury
  • 12
    JustAGal_Love 1d Enthusiast [7] NTA. If your son still has health insurance benefits, require him to go to two appointments. 1. Medical doctor for thorough checkup. 2. Mental heath professional for evaluation and enough therapy sessions to understand where he is at. 'Lazy' can mean lots of things. Also come up with a plan with your spouse to require son to make progress.
    via JustAGal_Love
  • 13
    rugdg13 1d Enthusiast [6] NAH in this particular situation, You saved that girl from years of dragging a man through life and begging him to be an equally yoked partner. He is still young, so perhaps he will blossom and grow into a responsible adult with goals and dreams (Nihilism is a BIG problem with todays adults.) But for now, they are on different paths and goals for life. Son is just hurt that you were involved. Totally natural. But when there is an upset young lady in your home... it IS y
    via rugdg13
  • 14
    I know many women who are a "second mom" to many young gfs and bfs that cross their threshold even if they don't end up marrying their child. So, others may disagree but I see you being a good auntie. You said: "Here's what i see, but you need to make your own choices and protect yourself" That's not "bad" advice for any young lady to hear. early 20s is a VERY pivotal place for most women where our decisions set us up for our future. Now, your fault here is, its YOUR son that you raised who happ
    via rugdg13
  • 15
    Lady_Vader 1d Partassipant [2] NTA tell your husband that Lily is not a trained professional to fix your son and what is he even thinking trying to put that responsibility on a young girl! Maybe he should be a good father and lead by example instead of expecting that from someone else.
    via Lady_Vader_
  • 16
    dta_phx 1d Partassipant [1] NTA. Chances are the GF would have broken up with him anyway eventually and any protests on your part would have just delayed the inevitable. You did the right thing by supporting her as a person and not sacrificing her in the name of your son's "well being". Hopefully there is a lesson in this for your son that his choices have consequences and perhaps even be the spark that gets him going.
    via dta_phx
  • 17
    dazed1984 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [46] NTA. Your husband is though he wanted Lily to stay around being dragged down to make your son feel better. It is your sons behaviour that has caused the break up.
    via dazed1984
  • 18
    odoflamingoenjoyer1 1d Yta for your attitude towards your son. Having no work ethic or ambition does not make him a bad person. Most likely he is depressed, maybe even neurodivergent. Have you considered maybe being more encouraging instead of acting like he is beyond. repair?
    via doflamingoenjoyer1
  • 19
    FantasyGeek87 1d The more I think about it, the more I feel YTA. First off, your son is allowed to be mad. Maybe you didn't tell her to break up with him, and maybe she would have gotten there on her own, but she still sited your conversation as a factor. So from your sons POV, you did cross boundries. You were meddling in his love life. Second, the way you talk up Lily and down your son just feels wrong to me as a parent. You sound like you want Lily as a daughter instead of your son. Which tie
    via FantasyGeek87
  • 20
    It sounds like your son has depression or something else going on. So you encouraged part of his support system to leave him when he may have needed her the most. Yeah, it's not her job to fix him, but we help the people we love even if it's a little extra effort for us. And you'd think you as his mother would want him to get that help. You never mentioned anything in the original post about mental health stuff so it sounds like that never crossed your mind which kinda makes yta on its own. I do
    via FantasyGeek87
  • 21
    jess4952 1d NTA, but it seems like you're doing an incredible disservice to your son by not trying to help him. He's clearly struggling with something, and instead of getting him help or offering him support, you're saying he's "not a good person" on the internet. Imagine how upset he would be if he read what you wrote. I would be even more heartbroken if I were in his shoes. I think this could be a good opportunity for you to say "what's going on, how can I help you" and I encourage you to do s
    via jess4952

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boyfriend aita kids relationships girlfriend family Reddit son parenting argument breakup
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