Spoiled wife freaks out after husband refuses to pay for weekly housekeeper: 'She has always had a housekeeper from a young age'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 9, 2024 9:00 PM EST

There are so many people out there who do not know how to take care of themselves. I never claimed to be the cleanest person in the world, but at least I can ensure my apartment is tidy without someone else doing the work for me. When I went to college, I couldn't tell you how many people did not know how to use a standard washer and dryer set at 18 or 19 years old. It's maddening. 

If somebody doesn't know how to take care of themselves by the time they're in their early 20s, they probably won't figure it out unless a rude awakening comes their way. One couple is dealing with said awakening because they can no longer afford their housekeeper. Well, the husband could technically afford it, but he made it very clear early on in their marriage that his wife had to pay for the service because she wanted it. 

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  • 01
    20 r/AmltheAsshole u/ThrowAWont Pay • 1d AITA because I won't pay to continue housekeeping services for my wife? Not the
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  • 02
    My wife is someone who has always had a housekeeper from a young age. When we first discussed moving in together before marriage, the division of chores was a hot topic. I was on team 'we can do it ourselves' and she wanted to keep using the housekeeping service she had. Ultimately, I agreed to the housekeeping service after both our parents told me it'd be easier to agree to make her happy. My only thing was that it was a service she
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  • 03
    was responsible for paying for. She started out having them come every other week. Then once a week, to every other day to keep the house as clean. as she liked it and do things like her laundry and emptying the trash in her hobby room.
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  • 04
    She paid for the cleaning service in February but then yesterday asked me if I was going to set up a direct pay with the cleaning company or transfer her the money to keep paying them. It's USD$190 a week. I told her neither- the housekeeping service was something she wanted and was responsible for. If she can't afford it anymore without dropping her savings below a point she's comfortable with, then we don't need it, and I'm not going to pay for something two able-bodied adults are perfectly ca
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  • 05
    We argued. She says I know how much she hates cleaning and that it stresses her out, and since the housekeeper cleaned up areas like the kitchen and living room and made the bed sometimes, I was benefitting from it so it counts as a joint expense. I've told her it doesn't because I'm perfectly happy to clean up after myself and have cleaned rooms before when they needed it between visits. Fast forward to today and she thinks I'm still being a by not paying for it. Am I being an AH here?
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  • 06
    ETA: I've been doing housework even with the housekeeper. I do my own laundry, I make our bed most days, I clean up after our pets, clean the kitchen after we cook and that includes the oven/ stove/microwave. I take out the trash and recycling, clean the A/C filters. I dust between visits. I'll sweep and clean the bathrooms between visits. Clean up the shower and sinks after each use. I pick up after myself. Most of what the housekeeper does is already done by the time she shows up. If my wife i
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  • 07
    or G Lovebeingadad54321 • 1d Certified Proctologist [23] NTA. We have a housekeeper come every 2 weeks to clean up our house. A few years ago when I got laid off, I became the housekeeper, because we couldn't afford it anymore. Once I got back on my feet with steady, full time work. We started it back up. Since your wife is only working part time, she now has more time than money. She should be doing the house work to make up for the money she no longer brings in. Again I say this as someone WIT
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  • 08
    Sara_1987 23h I totally agree with you. I have a housekeeper as well, but I know it is a luxury we can afford right now. If we need to cut back on costs, because one of us loses their job, this is one of the first things to go. NTA OP, having housekeeping come in every other day is ridiculous in almost any case 41.9k
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  • 09
    obxgaga 22h I agree NTA, but this must be the cleanest house in the country what with every other day housekeeping AND OP doing all that other work in between visits. Dusting between every other day visits.... 41.2k
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  • 10
    lowkeydeadinside . 21h yes i am actually a house keeper, and tbh i would have a hard time not judging someone who needed me to come every other day. like seriously, unless you're elderly or disabled, this is just sheer laziness. i even have adhd and i manage to keep my house quite clean since my bf's work allows me to only work part time. no shame in having a housekeeper once a week or every other week to keep up on the heavier cleaning, do some of the tasks you don't want to do, or give yoursel
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  • 11
    Catfish1960 - 20h My friend ended up divorced over a housekeeper. She unilaterally decided to be a SAHM but hated cleaning so wanted to keep their weekly cleaning service. Her ex, already miffed over her deciding to stay home with no input from him, canceled the cleaning service and told friend she now had to take care of that task to save money. Friend was livid but ex was resolute (can't blame him). She told him he could clean them! The guy was already working a side job to make up for her mis
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  • 12
    BulbasaurRanch • 1d Professor Emeritass [98] ΝΤΑ Please extend a warm welcome to reality to your wife. It seems it might be her first time joining us here. Nobody wants to clean. It's a necessity of being an adult in your own living space. She can stomp her feet and pout all she wants, as long as she's doing it with a broom in hand. Just because she's been spoiled as a child doesn't mean you need to continue it into adulthood. It's time for her to grow up. ... Reply 3.5k
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  • 13
    SafeAddendum4496 • 1d The reality is they are going to live in a messy house unless he does everything himself. She isn't changing. ... 999
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  • 14
    This. Scoozie_Q 23h He will end up doing all the cleaning, As long as he doesn't mind, it guaranteed. should work out. 4428
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  • 15
    Only-Ingenuity7889 . 1d Enthusiast [6] $760 per month is A LOT when you are down from two incomes to 1.5, with the half probably paying a lot less. She's mentally villainized what is basic life requirement for the majority of the population. Maybe if she did it regularly, she would realized it's not anything to flip out over, it just an undesirable necessity. Welcoming to responsible adulting. NTA Reply 41.9k ↓ ...
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  • 16
    entitledfanman. 23h Chores can be somewhat enjoyable. It allows you to shut your brain off and do a task that you recognize as a positive thing for your circumstances. You can't control all the figurative messes in the rest of your life; but you can control the literal messes in your home. I was terribly lazy about cleaning and often had a mess in my place, until my wife and I started dating. She reminded me about chores enough that I got over the mental barrier and started doing them without be
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  • 17
    txgrl308 22h My ADHD brain and my three children beg to differ. I don't think I've ever felt in control of cleaning. Once, I was folding laundry and then realized that my toddler was tossing blueberries on the floor and squishing them. Another time, I was cleaning a toilet, and that same toddler poured out an entire box of cereal on my kitchen floor. A different toddler once coated my couch with Vaseline. Yet another small child once flooded the bathroom while I was doing dishes. Having someone
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  • 18
    Slurav • 1d Aficionado [15] NTA - Having a housekeeper is a luxury. A real luxury, not a simple one like a cup of coffee. Furthermore, you agreed under the condition that she'd have to be the one to pay. If she can't pay for a luxury she can't afford, that's on her. Most people don't actively like cleaning. A lot of people get stressed out by certain chores. That doesn't mean you're entitled to a housekeeper. She can either humble herself and do it herself like most people, or she can find anoth
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cleaning clean marriage clean up wife relationship-drama married life relationships housekeeper husband housekeeping financial married money cleaner family drama
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