31 Smart-Aleck Comebacks to Keep in Your Back Pocket for Your Next Verbal Joust

Advertisement
  • 01
    Posted by u/Reponinja74 Comeback to "your old." I'm 50. SonoranHiker75 Which will be embarrassing for you when I kick your ass. Wade_Horse Careful kid. I know your mom. I could be your stepdad in two weeks.
  • 02
    Posted by u/AvisIgneus Best comeback to "I'm a lawyer and drive a BMW so you're wrong." TheLoneWander101 Objection relevance? Merigold00 The judge has instructed the world to disregard that comment on the grounds that it's idiotic...
  • 03
    Posted by u/Cute_boy0629 Comebacks to you're short? 11 yo step daughter is almost my height and has been relentless with the short jokes. DesertWanderlust "Makes it so I can a better view of your shortcomings" No_Cryptographer2848 And yet I still wouldn't look up to you.
  • 04
    Posted by u/UnkoShoyuHow What's the best comeback to someone saying my nose is big? Yonbuu I can get a nose job but you'll always be stupid. Ok-Bus1716 If you think my nose is big... Dub-Dub16 Big nose, big hose...
  • 05
    Posted by u/Its_me___forever14 Best comeback to "I'm not asking I'm telling" AtlNik79 "And still nobody's listening " or cares Rexis717 It's adorable you think that makes a difference
  • 06
    Posted by u/SkarnTh3Kn1ght Comebacks for "Do you know why I'm stopping you today, Sir?" Omadder1965 No officer I figured you would know Defiant-Giraffe "My car vaguely resembles the one that the guy who bullied you in High School owned?"
  • 07
    Posted by u/Fit-River-6563 Comeback to you're ugly? jiwjh380 Sorry just trying out my Halloween costume early....im going as your personality. Sillurianfishrbest. Your mom didn't say that last night
  • 08
    Posted by u/Optimal_Scratch_2461 What's the best comeback to "where'd your abs go?" FattDamon11 Your mom likes Dad Bods. cocomello91 They are still there I just wanted to protect them
  • 09
    Posted by u/Wrong-Pangolin8658 Best comeback to "I despise you" To boomer nosy neighbor woman, who I try to avoid but she watches me out her window like a creep. Icy-Service-52. "I don't think about you at all" Recent-Influence-716 I've had weirder crushes before. You're not my type though
  • 10
    Posted by u/Paint_Ceiling_Red Comebacks to "your not funny like you used to be" HikingStick Sadly for you, I am. You're just suffering early cognitive decline. Forsaken Guide5102. My humor has evolved. You have not
  • 11
    Posted by u/SnooJokes5038 Comebacks for "you're so serious" We've all been there. Someone makes a "joke" disguised as an insult and you don't laugh along with it... or you come up with a dry witty one liner as a comeback and THEY don't get it; so you get called serious. Comebacks? ImpossibleHouse6765 Somebody has to be the grown-up acturnipman "wanna know how I got these scars"
  • 12
    Posted by u/space_love2 You are in a public bathroom taking a very loud #2 after eating chili, you get told to be quiet You on the toilet taking a loud seot. And the guy closest to the stall tells you to shut up because he's on the phone talking to his wife n kids. How do you react? battle_dodo What's wrong with your kid? Can he only listen to 1 time? le at a
  • 13
    Posted by u/GrowlsinyourEar7 Best come back to "Excuse me, do you work here"? Johnathan_97 "No, I just like name tags." DNS_Jeezus Say you are a manager, tell them their groceries are free and they can just walk out of the store.
  • 14
    Posted by u/PurpleMonkey3313 Combacks to "you drive like a grandma" I don't usually go any more than -7 mph over the speed limit, I don't accelerate like a drag racer, I don't brake like an angry dad. Apparently that means I drive like a grandma, according to a friend (who likes to go 70+ in 45s and owns a fast car.) BobGnarly And you drive like someone who thinks that their immortal and that cops aren't real. SyntheticEmpathy You drive like a 14 year old
  • 15
    Posted by u/GrowlsinyourEar7 Best comeback to the text message "WYD"? Rachel Silver I reply with a long acronym like NMJSOTCWMDAWGOT (not much just sitting on the couch with my dog and watching Game of Thrones). cannedbeaanns send a picture of a gravestone Dalton387 UR MOM
  • 16
    Comeback to "your old." I'm 50. Wade Horse Careful kid. I know your mom. I could hevour stepdad in two weeks Best Rachel Silver I reply with a long acronym like NMJSOTCWWGOT (noth just Comebacks "No, I just like name tags." DNS Jeezus Posted by w/Grow back you're ugly? of the Week Best come back to "Excuse me, do you work here"? Silurianfishrbest Your mom didn't say that last night

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article