New mother grapples with a tough decision after realizing her mom was a dangerous parent: 'Her defense? I did this with you and you survived'

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Mar 16, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

Becoming a parent puts into perspective how difficult it is to be a GOOD parent. Perhaps this shines a light on our own families and if you're lucky, you can glean wisdom from your parents. However, if you're like most of us, watching your parents interact with their grandchild can be a jarring reminder of the pitfalls of your own childhood–especially if you were dropped on your head as a baby. 

The new mother in our next story is forced to grapple with an unnerving fact after witnessing the way her aging mom interacted with her newborn baby. New mothers are all quite protective of their babies, but after watching her mom malnourish her 6-month-old child and try to give him water to drink, she started to question grandma's parenting skills. 

Clearly there's a difference between helicopter parenting and calling CPS on your parents, but when your own family member disregards your caretaking advice, perhaps it's time to look out for the needs of your little baby before the needs of dear ol' granny. 

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  • 01
    Posted by u/SatisfactionOk7409 AITA for tell my mom I don't want her to watch her grandson alone anymore?
    via Satisfaction0k7409
  • 02
    I (F23) and my husband (M24) welcomed our baby(M) in September of last year. We moved from his hometown to mine (In January) in hopes of saving up to buy a house. We moved in with my mom (50); something she very enthusiastically agreed to.
    via Satisfaction0k7409
  • 03
    Throughout our few months, she's been a little weird. She's constantly checking to see if he has teeth, pushing for us to stop feeding him milk, tries to give him really complicated food (like candy yams). Her defense is: (I did with you and you survived).
    via Satisfaction0k7409
  • 04
    Most recently, she was holding him and playfully asked him if he wanted water, in which I responded: 'Do not give him water mom." She proceeds to give it him and goes: "See, he's fine. He isn't dead."
    via Satisfaction0k7409
  • 05
    I immediately took my child from her and informed her that she will no longer be watching the baby alone since she is constantly overstepping my boundaries and doing everything I ask her to not do.
    via Satisfaction0k7409
  • 06
    She isn't talking to me now and told me I made her feel like a bad parent and grandparent. AITA? Is there something I should be doing to make her talk to me?
    via Satisfaction0k7409
  • 07
    Edit: I pay half the mortgage, utilities, buy my own food to cook with. I don't rely on her for childcare. Just want to clear that up since I'm seeing a few comments about it.
    via Satisfaction0k7409
  • 08
    Edit #2: For some more context: my father was diagnosed with Kidney and lung cancer and can't work. He lives in rehab that my mom pays for. Moving in with her was to help my husband and I save; it also helps her since he can't work.
    via Satisfaction0k7409
  • 09
    diminishingpatience 6 hr. ago Commander in Cheeks [284] ΝΤΑ. I did with you and you survived See, he's fine. He isn't dead. This is an incredibly low standard for her to be proud of maintaining.
    via diminishingpatience
  • 10
    HotMessMartinExpress 6 hr. ago Partassipant [2] Yep! This is called survivor bias and it's dangerous 2.3k Reply Share sanityjanity 5 hr. ago But also, one would hope for a *little bit more for their kid than "not dead"
    via HotMessMartinExpress
  • 11
    Bulky-Passenger-5284 5 hr. ago "I didn't klll you when you were a child" is an insanely weird thing to be proud of. NTA
    via Bulky-Passenger-5284
  • 12
    Henny_Cabbagehead - 5 hr. ago As an 80's baby, there was a lot of stuff that our parents did to us that didn't kill us that I would absolutely not do to my kids. I hate that way of thinking. Majority of my friends moms, including mine smoked cigarettes while pregnant with us and we're all fine now in our 40's. We grew up with secondhand smoke for a long time, that didn't kill us either. That's such a stupid take. OP is definitely NTA.
    via Henny_Cabbagehead
  • 13
    Austen-aficionado 6 hr. ago NTA. Your child, your rules/decisions. Full stop. Unless your mother believes you are doing something that is actively harming your baby she should step ALL the way back and respect how you want to raise your son. Offering you a place to stay should have zero bearing on whether or not she follows the guidelines you set up for caring for your child.
    via Austen-aficionado
  • 14
    The giving-him-water incident is crazy boundary overstepping and a direct power play. You did the right thing. You're a mother now and you are responsible for your son, not for mother.
    via Austen-aficionado
  • 15
    You clearly need to move out ASAP. It may take longer to save to buy a house but this is not a sustainble solution. She will go behind your back and do whatever she wants with your baby if you stay.
    via Austen-aficionado
  • 16
    If she comes to you truly penitent at some point you might consider letting her see your baby but I would hesitate myself to leave him alone with her.
    via Austen-aficionado
  • 17
    EmergencyShit . 5 hr. ago . edited 4 hr. ago Partassipant [3] Insane boundary overstepping! "Made her feel like a bad parent and bad grandparent?" Uh yeah, because you're acting like one.
    via EmergencyShit
  • 18
    VBunns 3 hr. ago Speaking from a personal standpoint, hold your ground mama, but it will get worse before it gets better. She doesn't see you as THE authority for YOUR kid. You need to prove that you are serious and that her actions have consequences.
    via VBunns
  • 19
    Due-Aioli-6641 · 6 hr. ago ΝΤΑ. But she will not stop doing these things and it will be difficult to avoid them while you still live with her. 396 Reply Share HotMessMartinExpress 6 hr. ago Partassipant [2] Absolutely this.
    via Due-Aioli-6641
  • 20
    Weird-Jellyfish-5053 - 6 hr. ago NTA. Your baby, your rules. The "I did it with you and you survived" defense is Women used to be prescribed cigarettes while pregnant to induce labor and keep a low birth weight. Just because a lot of babies survived doesn't make it ok. Your mom has no respect for your boundaries despite being repeatedly told. She's not the mom anymore. She's grandma and grandma has to defer to mom's judgment.
    via Weird-Jellyfish-5053
  • 21
    Cuddly_piranha · 6 hr. ago Partassipant [1] NTA it's not about "I did it with you" it's the I literally just told you not to do something with MY kid yet you still do it? Does she not care that YOU are his mother not her?
    via Cuddly_piranha
  • 22
    Mustng1966 6 hr. ago Pooperintendant [57] NTA - She is a bad parent and grandparent. What she needs is a baby doll to coo and feed like an 4 year old does that has the same mental capacity as she. Get her one with a big bow for her birthday. Then she can go town on it and leave you and your child in peace.
    via Mustng1966
  • 23
    Reasonable_Pass_7488 6 hr. ago . edited 47 min. ago ΝΤΑ Your ma needs to learn that -your child; your way -things have changed since your baby years -she is not to play games with your rules
    via Reasonable_Pass_7488
  • 24
    NoEstablishment6450 5 hr. ago . NTA. I'm 52 and I know better than to do these things, it hasn't changed that much. But that isn't even the point. It's her directly, to your face, showing you she is boss of you and this baby because you live there. Stop her in her tracks.
    via NoEstablishment6450
  • 25
    Throughout our few months, she's been a little weird. She's constantly checking to see if he has teeth, pushing for us to stop feeding him milk, tries to give him really complicated food (like yams). Her defense? I did with you and you survived Most recently, she was holding him and playfully asked him if he wanted water, in which I responded: 'Do not give him water mom." She proceeds to give it him and goes: "See, he's fine"
    via canva

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Babies family drama aita baby family stories drama mother new mother grandma moms parenting mommy babysitting family grandson newborn parent Reddit mom son parents
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