‘A husband should always earn more than his wife’: Successful Woman Gets Heat From Her MIL After Promotion, Reflects on Female Expectations in the Workplace

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    r/r/womenintech. 9 hr. ago Working-Ingenuity-75 "You can be successful as long as your husband is more successful than you"
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    I received a raise and promotion earlier this year. You know what my MIL said when I told her this? "what about my son, what did he get?” Straight up, no acknowledgment, no congrats nothing.
  • 03
    My husband and I work in the same firm for different divisions. Today he called his mother to inform her about his raise. When I came to the phone, she said "it's good that he's earning 5K more than you do, a husband should always earn more than the wife.” I gently reminded her that with this raise, he and I earn the exact same. She said "well then it's time he makes a 20K leap hahaha."
  • 04
    This is not the first time I've heard this statement. I'm constantly faced with passive aggressive remarks about having no life because I don't have kids and how work shouldn't give a woman fulfilment because our being is meant for a higher goal, aka to procreate.
  • 05
    Today is just one of those days I'm feeling really dejected by the people around me. My husband doesn't think this is a big deal (his mom has passed the same remark before on two separate occasions, but never in front of him). Granted he's always been supportive of my career and ambitions but I feel he speaks of my success more vocally when we're at par. This feeling could be a result of
  • 06
    me overthinking, I'm trying to keep my emotions in check. Has anyone been faced with similar situations before? How do you handle it? Other than these couple things, my MIL and I have a great relationship. Should I just take an "agree to disagree" stance and let this go as a generational difference thing? Am I being too touchy about this?
  • 07
    Elon-Musksticks • 9h ago Uno reverse that ask her why she didn't raise him to be more successful.
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    queenofdiscs 9h ago Internalized misogyny has claimed many women in your MIL's generation, I'm very sorry. Ignore it like the nonsense it is and be glad that you live in 2024 not 1924.
  • 09
    cranberryjuiceicepop • 8h ago Step one, Stop discussing finances with her. It is none of her business. Optional step, your husband needs to tell her that these comments are totally inappropriate- frankly this is not your battle to fight, he should be the one sticking up for you.
  • 10
    TK TK 9h ago I would just reset your expectations-your ILs aren't going to offer you support or congratulations on your career. Mine don't on mine. They also have no idea what our HH income is, or that I earn 3x more than my husband.
  • 11
    Of course work can be fulfilling and a huge part of your life— I'd just reset expectations about where you're going to get validation and support if you need them.
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    (I don't think you're being too touchy & I think your MIL is in the wrong here—I also think it's a waste of time and energy to try to change her.)
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    CuriosityPersonified ⚫ 9h ago I'm so sorry to hear about this. I personally haven't run into this through my husband, but from the comments my in laws have made from time to time, it does sound like there is some level of animosity since I earn the most compared to everyone on my in-laws side, including my husband. And my FIL and BIL
  • 14
    are design and software engineers, so also in tech. I'm in tech management. I have to say, I married a champ. His fulfillment comes from what he is doing and not how much he is earning. He happily tells everyone he is my sugar baby and that his job is a hobby, even though he is an
  • 15
    aerospace engineer. If you can, I'd bring it up to your husband as something that is bothering you. You should be able to speak about this with him and if he cares, he'll address it with his mom and in his own behavior. Just try to collect your thoughts and be factual and don't try to be
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    be factual and don't try to be accusatory. It'll help you have a constructive conversation with him and hopefully address this issue.
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    WebDevMom • 7h ago Who is sharing the actual number of their salary with anyone?? I'm so shocked by this. Only my husband and I know. It's no one else's business and people get so weird about money.
  • 18
    Isirius • 8h ago I will say every time I've gotten a significant raise, above my husband (16 years now) he's immediately gotten a raise to just slightly above me. We both do better obviously as our combined income goes up, but it is always a "hmm" moment.
  • 19
    Brompton_Cocktail • 9h ago Honestly I would not tell her about your income and earnings moving forward. She sounds like a r/JUSTNOMIL
  • 20
    CS_Barbie 8h ago This is mega r/justnomil material. Nah you're not being too sensitive. People need to worry about their own lives and stop judging other people making choices in their lives that harm no one.
  • 21
    Promise you, if you chose to have children she'd just switch tactics and nothing you did as a mother would be good enough even if you quit your job and flounced around the house in an apron and heels all day long.
  • 22
    I think you and your husband should stop giving out so much detail about your salaries. I told my husband to quit giving out details after he disclosed my last bonus to his parents and brothers at a family dinner and they didn't stop making stupid jokes about me being his sugar mama for a year. You can say you got a promo or whatever, I
  • 23
    you got a promo or whatever, I just wouldn't give her more ammo via specific #s

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