'I don’t want a different last name than our kids': Ex-husband insists ex-wife change her last name because it makes his 24-year-old fiancée uncomfortable

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 2, 2024 11:00 AM EDT

I have no idea how I'd feel if I changed my last name. My full name has such a great ring; I couldn't imagine wanting to change it to something else. But if I was in love and didn't want to go to the hyphenated side of town, I might do it to have the same last name as my future partner and children. It's so much easier to function in society if everyone in your family has the same name. That's why women don't always return to their maiden name when they get divorced. They usually want to have the name last name as their kids, and after so many years, the name is no longer just their husbands. 

One young fiancée of a divorced dad didn't understand why his ex-wife wanted to keep her married name and insisted she change it back to her maiden name….the nerve. 

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  • 01
    AITAH? My (39F) Ex husband (37M) is insisting I change my last name back to my maiden name because his new fiancé (24F) feels it will be awkward for her and I to have the same last name. AITAH for refusing to change it?
    via Romain Dancre
  • 02
    My (39F) ex-husband (38M) has been dating this women for 3 years. For context, she is 24 years old. My ex and I were married for 12 years, and have been divorced for 5 years, we have three kids together who are now teenagers. My ex and I got divorced because we were young when we met and got married and we grew apart as people. It was a mutual decision, and we agreed our kids came first and have always coparented very well. This has been the case up until the last year when his girlfriend moved
    via u/ThrowRAHappyLiving
  • 03
    sporting events. I have always been nice to this women, despite my kids expressing they do not like her and they feel their dad acts differently when she is around. My ex told me early on she wasn't a fan of me and felt I intimidated her. When I asked him for examples of how intimidated her, he said it's my fave, that I have resting face and it makes her uncomfortable. My ex and her got engaged over Christmas and my kids were less than thrilled, my daughter especially. She feels her dad made a m
    via u/ThrowRAHappyLiving
  • 04
    have the same last name when they get married. I told him we agreed in our divorce that I could keep his last name until I felt the need to change it, and that is what is listed in our paperwork. I also told him I don't want to have a different last name than our kids. He said I'm being unreasonable and refusing to see how this would make his finance uncomfortable. I told him I can't see it from her side because I am a grown up, and not an immature child like she is. He told me I could ask anyon
    via u/ThrowRAHappyLiving
  • 05
    anonymoust9090 - 12h Partassipant [2] Nta. Tell him you'll only consider changing your last name back to your maiden name if you can change the kids last names also... If he doesn't agree... He can sit on it and rotate. Reply 18.2k
    via u/anonymoust9090
  • 06
    ThrowRAHappyLiving OP. 12h I did offer that as a solution and he completely lost it saying he is their dad and they deserve to have his last name. Yet when I said I wanted the same last name as our kids, he told me that wasn't a legitimate reason to not change it. 11k
    via u/ThrowRAHappyLiving
  • 07
    anonymoust9090 - 12h Partassipant [2] Lol! Well he's wrong on all counts. He needs to come to terms with the fact that this isn't HIS name, it's YOURS now too. I'm sure other ppl exist in the world with the same last name. He needs to get over it. 6.8k
    via u/anonymoust9090
  • 08
    needween • 11h I'm sure other ppl exist in the world with the same last name. In my grade school in a town of maybe 5,000 people, there were 4 students and 1 teacher with the same last name. None of them were related in any way. There are over 500 people in America with my exact same maiden name (yes, first middle and last.) In fact, I've only known 2 people who have a unique last name, as far as they're aware anyway, and they are both 1st generation immigrants. I can almost guarantee that if OP
    via u/needween
  • 09
    Important Tart6086 • 11h My mother has been divorced from my father for a little over 50 years. She still has his last name and he has no problem with it. NTA. They're both acting immature. That is your legal last name. If it's not stated in the divorce decree that you would change it, they can both kick rocks. 779
    via u/Important_Tart6086
  • 10
    ComeHereBanana • 10h Same. My parents have been divorced for over 40 years. My mom has been married and divorced since then. She changed her name back to my dad's so she could match me. Dad had zero problems with that and as far as I know, neither have either of his two wives (yes he's hard to get along with) he'd married since Mom. I know the current wife is fine with it. ... 239
    via u/ComeHereBanana
  • 11
    seanymphcalypso ⚫ 12h • This is why I tell everyone I have my children's last name, not my ex husband's. It honestly makes sense to have the same last name as your children. For every time you have a dr appointment and have to deal with. insurance, for every school everything (pick up early, drop off late, conferences, even the order of who to contact first, permission slips), for drivers ed and licenses and adding them to your auto insurance, college applications and financial aid. So many more
    via u/seanymphcalypso
  • 12
    ΝΤΑ 4games1 13h • Pooperintendant [67] He told me I could ask anyone about this situation, and everyone would agree with her. You should definitely send him a link to this post. I would be surprised if anyone sides with him. I don't blame you for wanting the same last name as your kids. I would not blame you if you had no kids and simply did not want to deal with the name change hassle (again) If she does not want to share a name. . . hubby can change his last name to match her. ... Reply 5.4k
    via u/4games1
  • 13
    • The_Bad_Agent ⚫ 12h Supreme Court Just- [120] hubby can change his last name to match her. This is the answer. 2.4k
    via u/The_Bad_Agent
  • 14
    nikitathevampireslyr⚫ 12h When my parents divorced my dad demanded my mom change her last name back to her maiden name and he told this to the judge. The judge laughed in his face and told him that's not his or her decision, it's my mom's. My mom told him that she didn't have HIS last name, she had MY last name (the whole reason she wanted to keep it was to have the same last name as me). NTA ... Reply 3.7k
    via u/nikitathevampireslyr
  • 15
    stuijw⚫ 13h him and don't be intimidated by him or his (too young) fiancee. Out of interest, the use or non use of the married name in divorce proceedings- is that common? Divorced once myself and it never even got mentioned! Reply 2k
    via u/stuijw
  • 16
    ThrowRAHappyLiving OP • 13h Not sure if this is new or not. We agreed on everything in our divorce, and we filled out the paperwork together. We hired an attorney just to make sure everything was filed correctly and the attorney had asked about my intentions for changing my name as he wanted to make sure it was documented correctly. 1k
    via u/ThrowRAHappyLiving
  • 17
    phoovercat 12h . NTA. Tell her to add 2.0 to the end and she won't I have the same name Reply 1.4k
    via u/phoovercat
  • 18
    MyDogs Mother • 13h Partassipant [1] NTA. It's not his name anymore; it's your name. If his fiancé doesn't want to have the same last name as you, that's fine. She doesn't have to take his name. Or they can change both of their names to Mr. and Mrs. Big Crybaby. But no, he does not have the right to force you to change your name. Your feelings don't matter less than hers just because she's the new Mrs. Crybaby. Reply 1.6k
    via u/MyDogsMother

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