I Can Has Cheezburger?

21 Mind Blowing Facts You Probably Didn’t Know About The Fascinating Sex Lives Of Animals

  • 1

    Kangaroos have three vaginas — two to carry the sperm from the two-pronged penis of their mates to the uterus and one to give birth to the joey. It also has two uteri, which means, it is possible for a kangaroo to be “perpetually pregnant.”

    Kangaroo standing in thick grass
  • 2

    When it comes to the largest penis in the animal kingdom, whales take the top spot with penises that reach up to 10 feet in length.

    Humpback whales frolicking in the sea.
  • 3

    The leopard slug engages in hours of foreplay with its mate before secreting a strong line of slime on which the lovers dangle while they do the deed.

    Snail on the edge of a tree stump.

     If their sexual organs get stuck, the female will chomp off the male's penis in a process called "apophallation," essentially leaving it to live the rest of his days as a female.

  • 4

    Beware of the sexually frustrated dolphin. Contrary to their cute and cuddly reputation as the friendly neighborhood “Flipper”, these intelligent creatures have been known to gang rape, kill their own babies and porpoises and even sexually assault humans.

    Picture of a friendly dolphin.
  • 5

    Male bowerbirds build and decorate colorful nests or shrines to attract that special someone. According to PBS, these nests, or bowers, are built using bright and colorful objects including leaves, flowers, seashells, berries, plastic beads or coins.

    nest of a male bowerbird
  • 6

    If pandas are reluctant to mate in captivity, scientists have shown them videos of other pandas copulating to get them in the mood. It is basically panda porn. And it works!

    large male panda
  • 7

    Honey bees’ coitus is essentially sexual suicide. Known as drones, male bees compete for a chance to mate with a virgin queen. His victory is mating with the female until his penis and entrails are ripped from his abdomen and he falls to the ground dead.

    bee in mid-flight
  • 8

    Often mistaken for rocks, barnacles’ stationary positions make it difficult to fertilize when mating season comes around. However, a barnacle’s penis can extend up to eight times its own size.

    Barnacles with a clear arrow showing where the penis is.
  • 9

    Male alligators spend their entire lives with an erection and have a penis that, according to National Geographic, “shoots out like toothpaste from a tube; and it bounces back because it basically has a rubber band attached to it.”

    Alligator in green waters
  • 10

    Bonobos, dubbed the “make love, not war species” by Dutch-American primatologist Frans de Waal, use sex to strengthen bonds and resolve conflict.

    Bonobos kissing and being affectionate to each other.
  • 11

    When a male praying mantis attracts a mate, he does a mating dance by flapping his wings and swaying his abdomen. the female responds by allowing him to mount her before ripping off his head and finally, devouring the corpse of her still-mating lover.

    Praying mantis cleaning his mouth.
  • 12

    After a careful process of waiting and courting, male porcupines spray the female with urine to get her in the mood.

    porcupines couple in the wild
  • 13

    Forced copulation is common among fowl. To avoid unwanted pregnancies, female ducks have a corkscrew-shaped vagina that spirals in the opposite direction of a male duck’s member and complex plumbing filled with dead ends.

    Two ducks, a colorful male duck and a dull gray female duck.

     If he does try to forcibly impregnate her, she can contract the walls of her genital tract to signal that no means no.

  • 14

    Channeling their inner cupid, snails engage in extra long foreplay before shooting sharp “sperm darts” to impregnate their lover.

    Great picture of a snail on lush green grass.
  • 15

    Another seemingly adorable animal with a dark side is the sea otter. They have been known to kidnap, rape and kill seal pups.

    Sea otter chilling out and floating on his back.
  • 16

    During coitus, the male black widow has to angle himself between her fangs to successfully do the deed. True to their name, however, female black widows often devour their lovers after copulation.

    Black widow spider on her web.
  • 17

    After copulating with multiple mates, a female chicken can ‘dump’ the unwanted male by ejecting his sperm from her body, go for the hunkier male in the coop and choose the father of her future chicks.

    Large rooster on green grass.
  • 18

    As if we didn’t despise these creepy crawlies enough, bed bugs take part in a particularly brutal form of copulation known as “traumatic insemination.”

    close up of a bed bug

    The male bed bug stabs the female in her abdomen with a hypodermic needle-like penis and injects his sperm which travels throughout her body cavity until it finds her ovaries.

  • 19

    The antechinus, a tiny rodent found in Australia, literally copulates himself to death.

    Antechinus mouse like creature.

    After 2-3 weeks of non-stop nooky, each lasting up to 14 hours, his body slows starts to shut down due to exhaustion, surging stress hormones and infections that set in. Even in their last stages, they still try to get in a last roll in the hay with reluctant partners until they finally die before they turn one.

  • 20

    Female anglerfish are almost 10 times larger than their male counterparts. To copulate, the male bites into his mate’s body and fuses his body with hers, supplying sperm and drawing blood for nourishment for the rest of his life.

    Female Anglerfish
  • 21

    Female jumping spiders have high standards when it comes to foreplay. If she isn’t satisfied with the male’s “complicated courtship dance,” she not only dumps him but devours him.

    Jumping spider close up and sharp picture.

Tags

Next on I Can Has Cheezburger?

Scroll down for the next article

Comments