Lawyer boyfriend asks girlfriend for €30k for mother's failing business after she refuses initial ask of €60k: 'The cafe (and his mom) is a money pit'

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  • 01
    "If I were you I would cut and run"
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/justagirl9595 • 6h AITA for being conflicted about lending my boyfriend a huge sum of money?
  • 03
    As stated in the title, I'm a bit conflicted about lending my boyfriend a huge sum of money. I am 29, he's 32. We've been together for six years, and we still both live with our families (it's very common in my country). I'm currently studying to get my masters degree, while I do some side jobs to earn a bit of money (such as tutoring, babysitting etc).
  • 04
    I have quite a lot of money set aside that comes from my grandparents inheritance (around 150k euros), which I am using to pay for university and for "extra" activities. I always try to be careful not to spend too much, since that sort of money could be used as a downpayment for a house and the remaining could make a good savings account once I move out and start building my financial independence.
  • 05
    My boyfriend is a lawyer, and he earns quite well. However, his mom bought a cafe and is now behind with payments. She has quite a lot of debts because of it, and he already had to take out a loan from the bank to help his mother out. A few weeks back he was trying to convince me to buy half of his mother's house, so that we could move there once I get my degree and so that she could pay off the remaining 60k she needs for the cafe. I said I would consider it, but after talking to a solicitor (w
  • 06
    Now, he asked me to lend her 30k, which she would repay with monthly payments of 300 euros. I'm very conflicted. When I decided I wasn't going to buy half of her house he got very angry, called me selfish, greedy and unreliable. Not even a week goes by and he asks me for more money. I initially said yes, but now I'm starting to regret it. I feel like I'm being used like an ATM.
  • 07
    This whole story really rubs me the wrong way. I feel like I've been put in a situation where if I don't lend but if I do I put myself in a the money I'm the difficult situation, especially considering his mother's debts, I'd have no guarantee I'd get my money back. AITA for being conflicted about lending him/his mother 30k?
  • 08
    EDIT: we would sign a contract and specify the terms. However, when I try to negotiate the terms (as in asking for 500 monthly instead of 300) he says it would be a lot. But wouldn't it be a lot for me to lend 30k? Also, he ventilated the idea of paying me back. I know he's trustworthy, it just feels like I'm being used.
  • 09
    BigBayesian 6h • Pooperintendant [62] NTA. You're being used. Your boyfriend's mother is a money pit. He's taking out personal loans to support her business, and needs more. Sounds like a bad business to be invested in. There's no reason to believe that an extra $1,000,000 Euros would do anything but delay the inevitable. So any money you give should be viewed as a gift, not a loan, because you'll never see it again. Now, you may want to consider giving this gift. It could be an investment in yo
  • 10
    Heraonolympia123 • 6h Enthusiast [7] I'm not a financial genius or anything but, your bf already took a loan out for the debts and it's not enough. His mom (not yours) has a lot of debt already from the cafe and is now suggesting that she is able to find an extra €300 (on top of living costs) to be able to pay you back. But she can't pay down any existing debt. That doesn't seem very realistic. What ever you've already put in, I'd suggest you consider written off (you can ask for it but I doubt
  • 11
    springrollislife • 5h If it were me, I would really rethink this relationship. OP's boyfriend seems quite desperate and turning vile in pressuring OP for money, big red flag. But if OP considers this loan, I would ask to see the Cafe's business plan and approach it as an investor by understanding how the mom plan to turn this business around as you wouldn't want to invest in a sinking ship which sadly what this cafe sounds like.
  • 12
    kiwihoney • 6h Partassipant [4] You are NTA. But please do NOT give them any more money. It is THE MOM'S responsibility to find the money, not yours. Your boyfriend says such terrible things to you and is trying to coerce you into giving them a huge amount of money. If I were you, I would cut and run. You deserve better.
  • 13
    Comfortable-Sea-2454.6h Commander in Cheeks [256] NTA - if you do this, make sure you have an independent lawyer set up a legal contract to ensure you will get your money back. If you insist on this pretty sure your BF will pull the "don't you trust me card". DON'T trust him without a contract. "When I decided I wasn't going to buy half of her house he got very angry, called me selfish, greedy and unreliable. Not even a week goes by and he asks me for more money. I initially said yes, but now I'
  • 14
    Paulski25ish • 5h Let her apply for a loan with a bank with a decent idea how to repay the loan and make the cafe profitable. She can't? Then how will she repay you? If you were to loan her the money (please don't): count on being the last priority on her monthly paymentlist. And count on her going bankrupt soon. Consider your relation lost. The manipulation is strong in your BF.
  • 15
    No-To-Newspeak • 6h Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] NTA. Do not lend money to either your BF or his mother and do not invest in the house. First of all, there is little hope for the mother's cafe - once a business starts to sink and exhausts all sources for loans it is usually doomed. If you lend her 30,000 euros that money will be gone forever. What you do need to invest in is a future without your greedy BF. He has shown you his true colours by harassing you because you said no. Keep your money safe
  • 16
    DeliPolat 5h • There is a saying: If I lend the money I'll be sad. If I don't lend it I'll be sad. Hence I rather be sad keeping the money.
  • 17
    chaserscarlet • 6h Partassipant [3] NTA You will not get this money back. I am telling you right now if you're being screamed at for being selfish, he has no plans to pay you back and if the business goes bankrupt they legally do not have to pay you back. If he can't keep his mother's business afloat with a lawyers income and has already taken out loans, then you already know the business will fail and it's just a matter of time. Don't lend the money, and ditch the boyfriend. If he had any respe
  • 18
    joe8354.6h NTA. And DO NOT do it! You will never see that money again - it would take NEARLY A DECADE to repay 30k€ in 300€ instalments, and that is with zero interest and assuming she will actually pay. Luckily, it seems to me that you are beginning to realize that you have a much bigger problem at hand. You are being emotionally manipulated and coerced into doing something you don't want to do, and that is NOT OK. - You are very right that they (your sooner-or-later-ex boyfriend and his debt-a

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