Entitled pregnant sister-in-law insists brother-in-law cook her meals: 'I told her BIL doesn't equal spouse'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 1, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Cooking a meal for someone is the ultimate act of love. It should be counted among the 5 love languages. (Okay, maybe it falls under acts of service but I feel like food should have its own special category). It's truly a labor of love, and food tastes better when it is prepared by someone who loves you. That's why when you ask people what their last meal would be, so many say "Mom's chicken piccata" "Dad's lasagna" or "Grandma's banana pudding pie." Ok, now I'm hungry. 

But we say that because we can taste their affection through their food. That kind of love and joy isn't necessarily transferrable, though, especially to pesky in-laws. But some people feel entitled to the kind of acts of love we see others receive. That's exactly what happened in this recent Reddit story where one man's act of service turned into a weird in-law obligation. Read on for details. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/PrestigiousStudio475 • 5h AITA for refusing to cook for my wife's pregnant sister and telling her she has a husband who could do it
    via u/PrestigiousStudio475
  • 02
    I've (31m) been married to my wife Sage (30f) for 6 years and we have two kids together. I'm a chef and I love to cook but generally we take turns cooking so neither gets burned out or feels like it's a chore (this is especially helpful when we host others because allergies are big in both our families). When she was pregnant, though, I cooked for her all the time because pregnancy was not easy for Sage and I wanted her to be able to relax and enjoy food instead of being too tired and sick to ea
    via u/PrestigiousStudio475
  • 03
    Now Gwen is pregnant with her first child and she called up out of the blue after her pregnancy announcement to say I should cook and send meals over for her like I did for Sage. At first I thought she was trying, and failing, to be funny, but nope, she was as serious as a heart attack. I told her I wasn't cooking for her and brought up how random and inappropriate it was to ask like that. She told me we're family and she's pregnant and I should want her to rest as much as I had wanted Sage rest
    via u/PrestigiousStudio475
  • 04
    She told me her husband would never and I should try being a good BIL. I told her BIL doesn't equal spouse. Gwen tried to talk Sage into convincing me but the two of them were never close so Sage just rolled her eyes and told her where to go. Even she couldn't believe Gwen is for real.
    via u/PrestigiousStudio475
  • 05
    Gwen's reaction to being told no by both of us was to run to her parents and tell them I refused to help her out and she told them she was struggling and had just wanted help. They asked why I couldn't do it occasionally since Gwen's husband is too much of an to do it. I told them it was a lot to ask and we weren't that close to Gwen. When Gwen realized her parents hadn't convinced me or convinced Sage to convince me, she called back up and said I was an for not helping my family and for rubbing
    via u/PrestigiousStudio475
  • 06
    NTA- Shall WeStartThen • 5h Colo-rectal Surgeon [46] ???? When I saw the header, I though maybe your SIL was visiting and you'd refused to cook for her for some random reason. But no. She's just mad. She put you down for cooking for your pregnant wife and now she's trying. to emotionally blackmail you into doing it for her??? Hahahahahaha. If I were you I would send her a recipe book. Or would cook an elaborate meal and send her pictures. AA
    via u/ShallWeStartThen
  • 07
    PrestigiousStudio475 OP. 5h I think it was more she was jealous when I did it for Sage and spoke about it in a very weird way. But now she's pregnant and she wants to benefit from it. But I'm not her husband and it's not on me if she married someone who wouldn't do that for her. I also don't really think she needs it like she claims, or surely she would have brought that up to me or Sage when she tried to convince us. I think she just wants free food that's handed to her ready to eat lol.
    via u/PrestigiousStudio475
  • 08
    Shall WeStartThen • 5h Colo-rectal Surgeon [46] I get that, I just can't believe she's trying to pressure by speaking to all sorts of family members about it!
    via u/ShallWeStartThen
  • 09
    cassowary32 • 4h Partassipant [3] NTA. Why would she procreate with her do nothing husband? You don't just get to tag in a brother in law because a husband is useless. What else would you be expected to do double duty for? Will you be responsible for diaper changes and child care too when the baby comes? Or child support, like that crazy lady with triplets?
    via u/cassowary32
  • 10
    PrestigiousStudio475 OP. 4h Sage said the same thing. She can't understand marrying someone who is "too much of a man" to cook for his wife, pregnant or not pregnant but especially while pregnant. I'd probably be expected to cook for her and all the kids she has over time.
    via u/PrestigiousStudio475
  • 11
    Simple-Plankton4436 • 4h . What the fthis is beyond ridiculous. Also, if her husband is 'too much of an 'to take care of her wife, why did she decide to have children with him? Also, sounds like she isn't even ill, she just wants you to treat her like you treated her sister. This is so ridiculous that it doesn't make sense. She is out of her mind. She is the AH. You are not
    via u/Simple-Plankton4436
  • 12
    JewelCatLady • 5h Tell her if she wants a husband who treats her well, she shouldn't have married an
    via u/JewelCatLady
  • 13
    Comprehensive-Bad219.5h Partassipant [1] NTA but she's a major ah and is acting extremely entitled. It would be one thing if she asked nicely for you to make her a meal every once in a while or to eat over by you occasionally, but demanding you make her meals on the regular is ridiculous. If she can't understand why you would treat your wife who was carrying your child different than her, you can point out that your wife was never so and demanding. But in all honesty I would just ignore it from
    via u/Comprehensive-Bad219
  • 14
    AlleyOKK93.5h Nope. Don't do it. It's a slippery slope of "help" til your footing her whole families dinner bill and being regularly harassed as to what to make, how to make it, when to send it over. Don't do it. This will not magically end less dramatic if you give in. Your spouse and kids are you concern; not her and her the apparently pointless spouse she still chose to have kids with.
    via u/AlleyOKK93
  • 15
    BackhandSlapper • 5h NTA. Every day, I come on this sub, and every day I go, "There are people like this??"
    via u/BackhandSlapper
  • 16
    Larkus_Says⚫ 5h Partassipant [1] NTA, the tone you're conveying says a lot here. If she had asked, nicely, for you to cook a few meals for her and maybe offered you something nice in return, then yeah, sure, maybe something you'd be nice to consider. But telling you you should be doing it like it's something owed to her? And then dragging the rest of the family into it when you said no? You had every right to say no.
    via u/Larkus_Says
  • 17
    neophenx • 5h Colo-rectal Surgeon [47] NTA. She's mad at YOU for not cooking for her while her hubs simply refuses to? Sounds like she married the wrong one and wants to take it out on someone else.
    via u/neophenx

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relationship advice family drama aita marriage pregnancy marriage drama cooking am i the asshole sil sister in law entitled family food pregnant reddit thread Reddit brother in law entitled people
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