'We're still together... But it was hard': Women Share Real Life Dating Experiences of Having a Partner Who Is Broke

"I think there's something that goes on in a man's brain when he's broke that makes him feel deeply insecure and those insecurities seep out into other areas of his life and his relationship—especially if the woman is better off financially than him."

Author image for Elna McHilderson Elna McHilderson
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  • When you're falling for someone, you never really think about the finances that go into a long-term relationship. You're too busy getting lost in their eyes or feeling the butterflies in your stomach every time you two touch. Why would you think “I wonder if we'll be able to save to own a home one day?” right after that first spicy kiss? However, the truth is, once you start dating someone long-term, the financial question always comes up, and if your partner is broke, things start to feel complicated. Are you making the right choices for your future? What will happen down the road? These are all questions you ask yourself after a few years in a relationship, you're not alone! Many women have dated partners who, simply put, are not financially savvy. Their experiences have been up and down, but what they all can agree on, it's not about the money, it's about the ambition. Women don't want a man to just have a bunch of money to throw at them, they want a man who has confidence and will do their best to be supportive—if that means he has to figure out how to save a certain amount of money to split buying a car with you, then he does it. See the sage advice women who have dated broke before have given below! 

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    Women who dated someone broke and stayed, how did things work out for you both?
    Via Nicola Barts via Pexels
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    GreenMountain85 ⚫ We are no longer together. Not directly because he was broke. I had always been in the camp of: I'm financially independent and as long as the guy isn't destitute or something, I'm not worried about him making less money than me. But I think there's something that goes on in a man's brain when he's broke that makes him feel deeply insecure and those insecurities seep out into other areas of his life and his relationship- especially if the woman is better off financially than hi
    Via GreenMountain85
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    Lost_Reserve7667 • We were both starting out "broke". We built a life together. Twenty five years later and two adult kids we are the best of friends. NGL it was difficult, but we both had the same goals of having careers. I helped him build his, and he helped me build mine. Best decision I ever made. Ө 805 ☐ Reply ↑ Share planetalletron I have learned that "broke but ambitious" is WAY better than "broke and entitled". Unfortunately at my age I encounter far more of the latter than the former. 1
    Via Lost_Reserve7667
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    bilbobaggginz This is a struggle for me as a SAHD. I have a side job that makes 30-40k, but the wife easily makes 3x what I do and could easily be fine without me. As someone raised in traditional gender dynamics it's hard to convince myself that I'm worthy of a wonderful loving wife if I don't provide for my family. It's hard to see the other things as providing, but my wife does a great job of reminding me and encouraging me. Without her I could see how many would devolve into distrust and ins
    Via bilbobaggginz
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    Commercial-Medium-85 I didn't realize he was an addict when we began dating. And I fell in love with him long before knowing that side of him at all, much less how much worse it would get. Then he lost his job, and literally became broke. His home became a hoard house. I was buying food for him because he wouldn't have had the means to eat otherwise. His grandmother was his landlord, and that is the only reason he wasn't homeless. We lived a year like that. He had no money, no car, no contributi
    Via Commercial-Medium-85
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    He went to rehab in 2023, for three months, and got clean from alcohol and meth. And when he came home, he was even better than the man that I met in the very beginning. It was like meeting someone new altogether. He's working a full time job, just got his own car recently, and he's trying his hardest to better his life and I can't fault that. He now provides for me, it's pretty equal financially, and it's been beautiful. We're still going strong, going on 4 years this September. I'm not saying
    Via Commercial-Medium-85
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    Helpful_Cover_7829 He left me as soon as he started making more money. I met him just when he got kicked out of his roommate's apartment and he had to sleep in his car. I had a place to go but my family wouldn't allow him to stay with us, so I stood and slept with him in his car. Foolishly got pregnant, got us an apartment. I stood home to care for our baby because child care was expensive. He worked and went to school. He got an accounting degree, landed a good job and started making good money
    Via Helpful_Cover_7829
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    kaydontworry I had just turned 24 and had just started my career, making pretty decent money. I had my own apartment, a pretty nice car, and was doing well for myself. He was 25, a college dropout (for a couple reasons), and working at a dead end job making around $15 per hour. He shared an apartment with a roommate but wouldn't have been able to live on his own. A couple months into dating, he came over and announced he had signed up for a community college and he was determined to be "the man
    Via kaydontworry
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    DunkelheitHoney In my experience it's a sign of terrible decision making skills. There is a reason why the person is broke, and if they don't change, it will affect your life long term. It didn't matter to me when I met that person (now ex) because I had a "money isn't the most important thing" kind of mindset, but over time I regretted it. We could never escape the paycheck to paycheck life. We could never have savings, we never had money for vacations, and if something on the house broke we ne
    Via DunkelheitHoney
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    ItsSUCHaLongStory Fabulous. We're still married. Still often broke, but the company and care more than makes up for it. ↑ 47 Reply ↑ Share ...
    Via ItsSUCHaLongStory
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    not2old4ffvii I met him on Tinder in 2018- He was living with his mom in a tiny cabin and working at a gas station down the road. On our first date I learned that he was an aerospace engineer who had lived in the west coast for a decade, and quit his job in 2016 to launch his own business. When that failed a year later, he moved back home to the Midwest. His intelligence and wit was a refreshing change from the crowd in our region. His kindness, honesty, and earnest want to help others quickly h
    Via not2old4ffvii
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    And now in 2024, we are married with a two year old and are trying for another baby. We bought and sold our first home and moved across the country. He has a fantastic job that pays all the bills, and I get to stay home and raise our babies. 34 Reply ↑ Share
    Via not2old4ffvii
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    Affectionate-Mind689. Depends on if he's actively trying to better himself and his financial situation. If he's not, move on. I'd make sure you're actually seeing effort because in my experience if it's all talk no action, he's never gonna try. If he's actively trying to learn new things and skills to climb the ladder then help him figure out what skills to learn and help him develop a plan. If it's all talk, that's a red flag because I've had guys just use me for a roof over their head and food
    Via Affectionate-Mind689
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    honey-smile ⚫ I was fresh out of college, he was one year ahead of me and had quit his first ever post- college job ~6 months prior to us starting to date. He had zero money, no job, but had just accepted a new job offer. 7 years later, we have a house, a dog, nice cars, are on track to retire by the time we're 40, and are getting married in a few weeks. Our HHI is ~$400-600K, and he usually brings in >1/2 of that. He was driven as k when it came to achieving his financial and career goals, and
    Via honey-smile
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    moodyluna19 . We are still together. He makes maybe a third of my annual salary. I'm a teacher and he works as a cook at a restaurant. He loves it, is able to pay his share of the bills, enjoy his hobby and still manages to spoil me with love and gifts here and there. We aren't swimming in money and have a long way to go to reach our financial goals, but we are both very happy. :) 11 Reply ↑ Share
    Via moodyluna19
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    baeworth ⚫ In my experience the problem is never the lack of money in a relationship, but rather the expectation on the man. Me and my ex were together since teens so started with nothing, we built ourselves up and took turns supporting each other, but because the progress wasn't happening quick enough for him he got really depressed, never did I complain about us being broke or made him feel less than, it was the rest of society that did that.
    Via baeworth
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    In the end it changed him as a person. He didn't want to do anything romantic because he "couldn't afford it" it didn't matter how much I tried to explain to him that I didn't need it to cost a thing, I just needed the effort, a romantic walk or to pick me some flowers. He just couldn't wrap his head around it. We separated after almost a decade and have two kids together, we're still best friends and he is doing exceptionally well with a very well paying job now. I couldn't be happier for him.
    Via baeworth
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    Irischacon123. It's not about being broke. It's about the goals and ambition. If the guy I'm dating has none of that then bye. I do prefer men to at least make a bit more than me though because then I can continue to travel and do all the stuff I'm used to with my partner. It when you can't afford the same experiences. 453 Reply ↑ Share
    Via Irischacon123
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    Salmoninthewell • 3d ago We've been together now for 11 years. He was a grad student driving a school bus and living with his dad when we met. I was in school too. Now I'm the breadwinner and he's a stay-at- home dad. Even before we had a kid, though, I probably made twice what he did. It's never been about the money, though. And he's not fragile about monetary contributions when he does so much for the family in other ways. + 3 Reply ↑ Share ...
    Via Salmoninthewell
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    Granny_knows_best ⚫ I fell in love with him online. We were in different countries at the time. Several months later, when I came back to the states, we got a place together. I had a job lined up and he was doing temp jobs through Manpower. As love often goes, he blossomed as a man. He began taking better care of himself and his appearance. Which led to one good job after another until a couple of years went by and he landed his dream job. He went from a broke hillbilly with long hair, bad teeth
    Via Granny_knows_best

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