Mom refuses to take daughter's good grades off the fridge, despite hurting less academic stepdaughter's feelings: 'If she gets a good grade we can put it on the fridge'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 20, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

A big part of growing up is learning that life isn't fair. There will always be someone better than you at something, and the quicker you accept that, the easier it will be to find what you will excel at. I went to school with so many brilliant and athletic kids, and there was comfort in knowing I would never be the smartest or most talented, but I could be the funniest. It also helped that my parents never compared me to my sister, who was objectively smarter and more gifted in basically every way. 

When a parent praises one child's accomplishments but ignores the others, that can be a recipe for jealousy and resentment. One mother recently went viral on Reddit for sharing a quagmire she's facing with her daughter and stepdaughter. She puts her daughter's good grades on the fridge, which angers her stepdaughter because she doesn't have any good grades to flaunt. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Sure_Bag191 • 2d AITA for refusing to take down my daughters good grades form the fridge even though it hurts my stepdaughter's self esteem
    via u/Sure_Bag191
  • 02
    I am married to my husband for about a year now. My husband has a daughter (Jenny) from my previous marriage that is 16. My daughter is 14. Jenny is old enough that she stays and goes as she pleases from different parents home. Last summer she was here almost everyday and during the school year she would be at the home 3 times a week.
    via u/Sure_Bag191
  • 03
    I have always but good grades on the fridge. I have done this since my daughter has been tiny. She will still give me grades to put on the fridge especially now that her classes are harder and she is proud how well she did. The most recent one was her chemistry exam. She struggled all year and she got an A on it. She has been very proud of it.
    via u/Sure_Bag191
  • 04
    The issues is my stepdaughter hates this, I have told her if she gets a good grade if she wants we can put it on the fridge. Today she ripped down the chemistry test from the fridge and we got into an argument. She wants me to stop putting tests on the fridge since she never has one to put up. I told her no, she is calling me a
    via u/Sure_Bag191
  • 05
    I at me and wants me to My husband is also stop. We also had an argument and I am not going to punish my own child just because she doesn't get good grades
    via u/Sure_Bag191
  • 06
    Lindseyh911 • 2d Certified Proctologist [25] NTA. Not celebrating someone's accomplishments because someone else's feelings will be hurt is ridiculous. Reply Award 8k
    via u/Lindseyh911
  • 07
    Clean_Factor9673 • 2d Plus, OPs daughter gas done this her whole school life and shouldn't have to change thst. ← Д 2.4k
    via u/Clean_Factor9673
  • 08
    SCIFEC INFOTA *AXJ abstractengineer2000 2d Put up the achievements of both girls, the Biokid's studies and the Stepkid's strong domain 634
    via u/abstractengineer2000
  • 09
    _hootyowlscissors - 2d Enthusiast [5] and the Stepkid's strong domain whatifshedoesnthaveany? ✩ 467
    via u/_hootyowlscissors
  • 10
    MystifiedByPeople • 2d Certified Proctologist [22] Maybe help her find it? I think that most folks, across the board, have stuff that they are good at, that they can be proud of. It's often a matter of having the time and resources to figure out what it is. 533
    via u/MystifiedByPeople
  • 11
    StnMtn_⚫ 2d agree. Foster both kids' interests and strengths. 232
    via u/StnMtn_
  • 12
    Melodic Dragonfly_48 • 1d Yes please do not do this. My parents held my older brother on a pedestal and I was always left behind. And when my brother had some obstacles post high school and I excelled they never helped or acknowledged my success because of that. I never got actual recognition or support for my achievements because of how it might make him feel. It was a very hard and sad experience going to adulthood and as much as I love my parents and my brother it was something very lonely an
    via u/Melodic_Dragonfly_48
  • 13
    Training Dearest • 2d Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] NTA. I think y'all are getting distracted by the details, and missing the Bigger Picture. Posting your daughter's grades is not the problem; the stepchild's self esteem is The Problem. There's always going to be someone doing something better than her. Life is full of this. Taking the papers down does nothing to fix her problem or help her grow. It's just another version of AVOIDANCE. So how about Dad getting some counseling/therapy for his daughter
    via u/TrainingDearest
  • 14
    Informal-Elk-8141 • 2d Also maybe the step daughter needs some extra help in school to do well. If she is struggling that much in school, maybe they can look into getting her some help. That is a better solution. ✩ 612
    via u/Informal-Elk-8141
  • 15
    blueavole 2d • Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] Or maybe school isn't her thing. Yes they should get her help with grades and focus. But also is there something else she can thrive at? Music, sports, art? Give her the chance to shine ... 298
    via u/blueavole
  • 16
    PlayerOneHasEntered • 2d And even if she doesn't shine at anything right this second, her best should be celebrated. Maybe a B is a hard achievement for her. Those B's should get a place on the refrigerator, too. It is important for her to learn that someone else's success is not her failure. This little tiff is bigger than a chemistry grade. ... 158
    via u/PlayerOneHasEntered
  • 17
    Old-Mushroom-4633 1d Agreed. She has to learn that a) someone's always going to be better than her and that's ok, and b) comparing yourself with others too much is not healthy. Celebrate her accomplishments notwithstanding others', whether that's an improvement of a grade or her art or her last race or etc. She needs to focus on herself! ... 43
    via u/Old-Mushroom-4633
  • 18
    many_hobbies_gal • 2d Professor Emeritass [78] INFO: Is it a case where Jenny tries her best and simply does not test well, or is it a case where she could put forth more effort and chooses not to. Some children are just more academically gifted. Is there another area of accomplishment where Jenny could be recognized. I agree your daughter should not be punished, but if Jenny is doing her best, then you need to also recognize her in some way. ← Reply Award 529
    via u/many_hobbies_gal
  • 19
    Sure_Bag191 OP.2d She could put a lot more effort, my husband has had many discussions with her about turning stuff in. Doesn't help I have heard her make comments about not wanting to be a nerd and that they are lame. She probably could do really well if she put in the work. She just doesn't prioritize school. 692
    via u/Sure_Bag191
  • 20
    many_hobbies_gal • 2d Professor Emeritass [78] NTA, if she really is in control, then this is on her. I would firmly state your NOT going to minimize your daughters accomplishments for the sake of your step daughter. Apparently she sees your daughter as a nerd. She reaps what she sows. ... 291
    via u/many_hobbies_gal
  • 21
    Doctor-Liz 2d • Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] Yikes. "You could do so well if you'd just put the work in" plus "I feel like garbage when I see other people doing well" almost screams "undiagnosed ADHD " to me. Been there, done that, got the mental scarring Talk to her teachers, get her checked out. If there's an underlying issue of any kind, now is very much the best time to address it. 145
    via u/Doctor-Liz
  • 22
    Initial_Warning5245 • 2d While I agree this maybe an issue and should be checked out, some kids really just don't have the motivation or desire. That needs to be addressed, have mom and dad set expectations- rewarded effort etc. 176
    via u/Initial_Warning5245
  • 23
    ter Under 100 the Unknown Measure Perimeter Known archangular purse has a perimeter of 38 nches. If her inches wide, how long is #? The formula for perimeter values you know Given perimeter, fnd measure of unknown side Perimeter 38 in 7 n 38 7+7+s+s known sides H from known perimeter 38-N-24 by 2 equal sides 24-2-2 inches Length - 2n measure 2 16 A 3 9 cm - B m 24 24 20 P-40 m dth- 20 m 16 47 P-BA length 24 A P-32 cm with- 5 n Lydia the ches P-34mm length- m lo of two sides. Subtract the two hs.
    via Greg Rosenke

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family drama aita mother tests stepmom daughters parenting grades stepdaughter test high school daughter parent Reddit mom parents
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