Stepmom refuses to let 16-year-old stepson eat family dinner unless he makes lunches for her 3 kids: 'She [said] I won't help feed her kids and it's not how you treat family'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 27, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

There are some chores that can matriculate from parents to kids as the kids get older. Cleaning your room, doing dishes, and taking out the trash help build life skills. You don't want your kid to show up to the first day of University not knowing what a washer and dryer look like. However, blended families present a unique challenge regarding parenting. Can your dad's wife parent you in the same way that a stepmom who's fully integrated into the family can? Can a stepparent demand things of their stepchildren that only serve to benefit their biological kids? I guess they technically can, but that doesn't mean they should. One particularly demanding stepmother tried to force her stepson to make lunches for her three kids and let them go hungry if he didn't. Besides the fact that he already had to take the time to make his own lunch, she threatened to (and followed through with) take away his dinner if he didn't comply. 

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    via Hillshire Farm
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    AITA for not making food for my dad's stepkids?
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 03
    I (16m) make my own lunch for school. I started making them when I was 11 and my mom was sick with cancer and now I make all my lunches. My dad refuses to give me lunch money for school, said no way in to making them (mom made his and now he pays for lunch every day) and doesn't want to give me permission to eat
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 04
    outside school (which is an option with parents consent) because he'd need pay for that. So I make them. I work part time and so I started paying for the ingredients I use in my lunches. My dad got married 2ish years ago. His wife has three kids who are 5, 7 and 8 now.
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 05
    For about a year there's been this issue where my dad and his wife want me to make all four lunches. They said if I'm making my own I should make my "siblings" (and I say "siblings" because they're not my sibling) lunches too to save their mom time and to streamline everything. I was like no and my dad's wife was shocked. She called me out for making stuff only for myself. She said it's crazy that I would look at my "siblings" and not want to make a few things for them too.
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 06
    It escalated to where they said I shouldn't get to eat their dinners if I won't participate in taking care of the family. So I buy my own dinner stuff now and make my own. Now they're calling me out for doing that. They said I could make dinner for all four of us and then we could eat dinner earlier and my dad and his wife could do something else.
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 07
    and My dad's wife didn't make lunches for her kids on several occasions to try and make me relent. Their teachers ended up feeding them and writing to her about it. She was super asked me if I was ashamed. I told her they're her kids and her problem, not mine. I also suggested she take it up with my dad if she's unhappy and wants help feeding her kids because it's not my job. She said if dad won't feed me, he won't feed her kids. I shrugged her off.
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 08
    Monday was a big day in all of this. I was home for hours alone and made a nice dinner. I was eating when my dad's wife came home with her kids, who were hungry and she exploded on me and asked if I'd made the kids dinner. I said no. She demanded to make it up to them I make them lunch for Tuesday (yesterday) and I said no. She called me a bunch of names and told me she hates me because I'm supposed to be a decent kid and yet I won't help feed her kids and it's not how you treat family. I told h
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    because it's not my job and we're not a family. I pointed out she married a guy who isn't a good dad to his own kid, and how her only interactions with said kid were attempting to dump responsibility onto him (me) so she really has no reason to think I owe her anything. Which of course let her to calling me all kinds of things, including an AITA?
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 10
    ChildofObama · 7 hr. ago NTA. This whole family dynamic is toxic and you guys should be in therapy. and if your step siblings teachers have had to feed them multiple times, stepmom is probably gonna get a call from CPS relatively soon.
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    New-Potato5893 OP. 7 hr. ago Therapy won't fix anything because we're not a real family. My dad hasn't acted much like my family in years and his wife has never acted like we're an actual family. She just expected it to be that way and that I'd feel some kind of family connection to them from nowhere.
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    It was always going to be impossible and the fact she knew she was marrying a dad is all I need to say she would never be someone I would want or accept into my family.
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    namnaminumsen · 5 hr. ago You're a minor and he is required to feed, clothe and house you. He is neglecting you and cps should be notified.
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    Anothercraphistorian · 4 hr. ago Hey bud, I just want to say, as an older dude who also had a Dad, that I'm proud of you. You're obviously logical and analytical and tell things like they are and I commend you. Everyone is trying to guilt you because that's what older people do. I'm sorry your Mom passed. My Mom also died from cancer, but later in my life than yours. It
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    can't be easy and I know things must be tough for you so Times when the adults aren't prioritizing your feelings. I just wanted to let you know that things can get better. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this guilt from people who should be supporting you. Take care.
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    Peony-Pony 7 hr. ago NTA Both your father and his wife are their abdicating their parental responsibilities. At a minimum they have an obligation to feed, cloth and shelter their children. I hope you can confide in someone about this situation and get support and help.
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    New-Potato5893 OP. 7 hr. ago I talk to my friends about it and get support from them.
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 18
    starkcattiness4433.5 hr. ago It would be a good idea to talk to an adult about this - adults wield more power and can give more support. NTA btw.
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    puntacana24 7 hr. ago NTA - Why is she doubling down on withholding food from her five year old (and the others)? That is
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 20
    New-Potato5893 OP 7 hr. ago She way overestimated how I feel about them. I think she really did believe I see them (her and her kids as family). I don't. I don't hate her kids either but I don't feel family obligations to them like she thinks.
    via u/New-Potato5893
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    Jeffrey_Friedl ⚫ 7 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [43] Wow, I don't know how you can be so mature when surrounded by such immaturity. Good for you, and I'm sorry they're putting you through this. You shouldn't have to worry about where food is coming from, nor how other kids get fed.
    via u/New-Potato5893
  • 22
    New-Potato5893 OP 6 hr. ago Thanks. I think a lot of it was caused by my mom getting sick and dying. She was the heart of my family and losing her changed a lot. I also wanted to be there for her when she was sick. So it made me grow up.
    via u/New-Potato5893

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cooking kids crazy things parents say siblings stepmom bad parenting lunch stepsiblings bad parents dad dinner food sibling family dinner son Father
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