Delusional Stepmom Allows Stepchildren to Call Her "Mom", Can't Understand Why Their Real Mother Strongly Objects

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 19, 2023 9:00 AM EDT

Figuring out what stepchildren should call their stepparents can be tricky. From what I've observed, it's most common for stepkids to call their stepparents by their first names and refer to them as "my stepmom" or "my stepdad" when using 3rd person. There's something about calling a stepmother "stepmother" that feels so mother goose fairytale land, which can be unappealing because of the reputation stepmothers have gained in such narratives. 

Of course, there are exceptions when kids call their stepparents "mom" or "dad." If their biological parent is not in the picture, there's no harm in using "mom" or "dad." However, when a kid has a mom and a stepmom, them calling the stepmom "mom" can offend and disrespect the woman who gave them life. That's exactly what happened when a mother found out her ex-husband's fiancé was allowing her very young children to call her "mom." The people of Reddit have spoken, and it's clear who's the guilty party. 

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/KATLIN28. 1d 1 AITA for letting my step kids call me mom?
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 02
    Font - I moved in with my fiancé (28M) earlier this year. He has two kids, S (4F) and D (3M). The kids are under split custody, so half the time with Dad, half the time with bio mom. I have met her and the kids before in person, she came off as a decent person and we never had any issues.
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 03
    Font - Not an exact measure of time but 2/3 months ago, S would randomly call me "mom" or most commonly, "momma" like before going to bed as we tuck them in and say our good nights. It was an odd adjustment, but I know they're little and I mostly brushed it off with a "okay goodnight hunny". D would only call me "mom" if S did (he's 3, so imitating).
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 04
    Smile - Well, about a month ago while S was with Dad and I, she asked me if it was okay for her to call me mom. Up until this point really, both kids called me by my legal name and only knew me as daddy's "special friend" since we aren't officially married yet.
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 05
    Font - It was quite a surprise for me (a sweet one, I should say). Dad and I both explained to them that if they want to call me "mom", "momma", etc, it was okay as long as they wanted to.
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 06
    Font - S has on her own made it clear (to us, at least) that she has two (2) moms, and one dad (bio moms bf doesn't want to be involved with the kids). Both kids understand they came from their moms belly, and not mine.
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 07
    Font - Dad I went to drop kids off to mom as usual, no issues. I stay in the car, and she leaves with the kids. Nothing crazy. As Dad and I were driving home, mom calls and I told him to answer but let her know she's on speaker with both of us. So he answers, lets her know I can hear the convo.
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 08
    Font - She starts off aggressively stating "I don't know who's telling these kids that [me] is their mom, but you need to know you will never be their mom, etc etc". I told her that the kids chose to call me mom, and we explained to them that I'm not their real mom, just an extra mom. She still did not like that, and went on about how it hurts her feelings that the kids are saying she isn't their mom anymore and all this nonsense. I got firm quickly and explained that I understand why it would h
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 09
    Font - She then went on to not only scream at him and i on the phone, but in her car in front of the kids, "YOU BOTH ARE PIECES OF F-ING SHIT AND THESE KIDS ARE MINE NOT YOURS, I HOPE YOU BOTH F-ING GO TO HELL" and honestly I can't make out much more of what she said as most of it was unintelligible.
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 10
    Font - After the kids weekend with her, they came back & were sad because their bio mom said I'm not allowed to be their mom. I asked them "do you want me to be your other mom?". They both said yes. So I told them that if THEY want me to be another mom to them, I can be. My heart breaks because these kids really seem to love me and I do love them. Am I the
    via u/KATLIN28
  • 11
    Font - coffeemom23 • 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 1 Award NTA. It's understandable that their mom would be wounded to hear her kids calling someone else 'mom', but the kids are so young, if you're marrying their dad they should be able to look to you as a mother figure. At the end of the day, the adults' feelings in this situation come second to the kids' secure attachment. Edit to add: OP says in her post that she and her fiancé have explained to his kids that she is not their real mom, she's a
    via u/coffeemom23
  • 12
    Rectangle - FerretSupremacist. 22h A 12 Awards I'm sorry but I strongly disagree, as a step mother. I appreciate where you're coming from and the reasoning but this can be really confusing and damaging for little kids. These children are very young and this can be so confusing with them. Op is not the mother, has to know this would be inflammatory, and made no move to discuss this with the mother. Op is Yta, all day long and hugely overstepped her boundaries as is dad. $1000 says dad would be en
    via u/FerretSupremacist
  • 13
    Font - Cute-Shine-1701 - 22h 1 Award These children are very young and this can be so confusing with them. Op is not the mother, has to know this would be inflammatory, and made no move to discuss this with the mother. I am not surprised OP completely disregarded the kids' mother's feelings and didn't even have a talk with her after the first time about it after she wrote in the 1st paragraph "so half the time with Dad, half the time with bio mom". She wrote Dad with capital d, and then biomom i
    via u/Cute-Shine-1701
  • 14
    Font - To me that part of the first paragraph gives the impression that she is already imagining herself in the mom spot more than she should, like she is somewhat superior than the actual mother. (Edit: OP's comments get worse, she admits in them that she thinks she is a better mother to them.) ... 3k
    via u/Cute-Shine-1701
  • 15
    Font - Cute-Shine-1701 - 21h 1 Award OP moved in 8 months ago, the kids are there 50/50 and she thinks she is a better mother to them than their actual mother who has been raising them their whole life. OP is deranged. Read some of OP's comments:
    via u/Cute-Shine-1701
  • 16
    Font - Yet I act like a better mother to them than their own "birth giver". Being a mom doesn't necessarily mean giving birth to them. Nurturing, teaching, and growing with them makes a mom. I know it will. There's obviously so much more than what I was allowed to type. But at the end of the day, if I'm doing a better job naturally being their mom and they like me more, that's on her. She can't punish them 24/7 then wonder why they resent her 4 1.4k
    via u/Cute-Shine-1701
  • 17
    Font - Refuse-Tiny 1d 3 Awards YTA. Especially for referring to their mother as their "bio mom"; a term reserved for markedly different relationships. You're talking about a woman who has joint custody of her children; not one, who, for example, might receive an annual letter from her offspring's adoptive parents' about their progress. Not that those women wouldn't deserve more consideration than you've managed to show here. Do you genuinely have no concept of "mom" (& associated terms) being a
    via u/Refuse-Tiny
  • 18
    Font - You shouldn't have said "yes", you should have asked "why?"; & informed the children's mother. (I'd not be too overwhelmed with emotion about them calling you mommy at bedtime etc btw: even older children quite routinely call anyone female in a vaguely caring role "mummy": did you never hear a teacher call a classmate mummy?) Topping it all off by deciding to tell the children to ignore what their mother had said? How can you possibly think that will end well? No, she shouldn't have used
    via u/Refuse-Tiny
  • 19
    Font - ClassyDonkey42. 1d. I agree so much with your comment. This woman is their mother and clearly loves and cares about her children. She has joint custody. She isn't a token figure in their life. And the way OP told them to ignore their mother is awful. OP, YTA. You need to loop mom in to the situation and come up with a compromise as to what the kids can call you - there are cozy nicknames or variations on "mom" that could go a long way to not hurt their mother. Don't make the kids choose.
    via u/ClassyDonkey42.
  • 20
    Font - Mean_Suit_9222. 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] ESH You shouldn't have made the decision of letting the kids call you mom without talking to their actual mother. That's a big no-no. The way she reacted was also wrong. Instead of having a discussion with the father of the kids, she exploded on both of you. ... Reply 1.1k
    via u/Mean_Suit_9222
  • 21
    Font - Old-Fox-3027 . 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [39] YTA. You aren't their mom. ... Reply 704
    via u/Old-Fox-3027

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stepchildren family drama stepmother kids crazy things parents say stepmom relationship-drama moms parenting divorce parent mom Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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