Expectation vs. Reality
Weddings are all about tradition and the binding of two families–ideally bonding them through love. Culture, family, religion, and expectations usually play a role in how a wedding will play out, but with the dawn of social media, a new player has been welcomed into the metaphorical American Board of Wedding Decision-Making: Pinterest.
Before the swanky trends of stranger’s weddings polluted the communal consciousness, planning a modest wedding reception (complete with food and drinks) was considerably more accepted. However, since ‘Pinterest boards’ and ‘inspo weddings’ rose to fame (or infamy) in the 2010s, the wedding industry has exploited people’s need to one-up one another, getting increasingly competitive with their high school acquaintances who still post their aesthetic, hipster weddings on social media.
Couples have always had to battle family members’ expectations for their wedding. Having to incorporate traditions and uniqueness into their wedding day, but what a future bride and groom never expect is the self-sabotage of comparison.
Via u/weddingwire
Cake Measuring Contest
We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, but there are some things a future bride can’t unhear. When some acquaintance from college goes to a lavish wedding of a fringe-friend whose nuptials occurred on a private island with fire dancers, a tiger petting zoo, and Steve Aoki as their wedding DJ, it’s tough not to compare. Over the last decade, outrageously luxurious weddings have become an online spectacle, compounding on one another in a competitive dance to the tune of the “Cha Cha Slide.” This is all because weddings aren’t just personal events, they’re being broadcasted to more than just your guest list and splashed all over social media.
Speaking of social media, it has exploded with ‘wedding tips,’ ‘wedding ideas,’ and unusual wedding vendors you’ve never even heard of (like donut machine rentals, puppy playpens, and guided butterfly release ceremonies) because young couples became increasingly more and more obsessed with having that memorably unique wedding. In the past, brides would lean on magazines for dusty wedding inspiration, but nowadays, the moment that ring is on your finger, the algorithm is dumping cake pops, balloon arches, and well-trained parrot ringbearers on your feed.
Privately, many future brides and grooms realize the gimmicks of the wedding industry, but the late-stage ‘Pinterest wedding’ obsession still deludes hopeful couples into feeling ‘less than’ if they don’t somehow incorporate a flash mob or live painting into their nuptial celebrations.
“The new wedding ‘standard’ is impossible and disappointing [and] can’t be matched by the average person,” says Davis (u/davvvisss), an engaged woman lamenting online in an opinionated exposé of the toxicity of the wedding industry. And she’s not alone, it seems like an entire generation has been burnt out over the spectacle and the price tag of weddings. Surely there’s a better way to celebrate your unending love.
Money, Money, Money, Ain’t it Funny?
We are pressured from all sides to have an exorbitant wedding, even when our meager budget says otherwise. Anyone who’s planned a wedding over the last 5 years can attest that it’s crazy how much things cost in the first place. Even budget weddings are looking at a final cost more similar to the downpayment of a house than that of a one-night party. Whatever happened to love and tradition? Now, with 25 ‘urgently necessary’ vendors at your wedding and the ‘wedding tax’ where each event service upcharges you 200% of their normal price just because you’re ordering on behalf of your big day, you’re faced with at least $30,000-$200,000 in bills.
Via u/lovenotemedia
Although everyone wants to make their nuptials a wondrous celebration, the cost of the modern wedding has undeniably skyrocketed, making even a simple gathering of only 100 people cost more than most of us are willing to spend. Brides and grooms are stretched to their absolute limits, attempting to coordinate the most luxurious event of their lives, while also trying to plan their future together, juggle work schedules, and avoid completely emptying their retirement funds just to eat cold buffet food with 400 elite acquaintances.
Newsweek’s Lucy Notarantonio notes in her article about the decrease in traditional weddings, “As the pressure from social media to have the picture-perfect wedding rises, many brides are no longer walking down the aisle and choosing, instead, to ditch tradition and elope with their partners.” Price-gauged, over-hyped, and ultimately disappointing wedding vendors have somehow pressured an entire generation of naïve couples into thinking if they don’t buy this luxurious wedding, their marriage will fall apart. As retaliation, young people have ditched the concept altogether, opting for alternative marriage celebrations that are not only more original but more budget-friendly.
When it comes down to it, it’s not the wedding cake frosting holding your marriage together, it’s that sweet n’ scrumptious treat of a fiancé(e) sitting next to you. Wouldn’t you rather skip the desserts and sneak off together to enjoy a $10,000 Mediterranean voyage? It seems like that’s the choice many are starting to make these days.
Via u/elopingisfun
Til Death
Elopements offer a new avenue of celebration. Imagine spending a wedding budget on a vacation or a house instead? Why should a couple feel forced to include 20 distant cousins in an event to profess their love to their partner, anyways? Empowered by choice, young couples are wising up, opting to put love first, and choosing to reject traditional ceremonies and receptions.
Due to the exorbitant cost, romantics are forced to reckon with the reality of their situation. As an engaged couple, is it better to drop hundreds of thousands of dollars on a single evening? Or to invest that capital in your actual relationship instead? Once the veil of expectations, comparison, luxuriousness, and other preconceived notions about your “best night ever” are removed, you’re left with the one thing that truly mattered all along: The love of your life.
Maybe it seems obvious that you’d prioritize your future spouse, but with a million voices chiming in on your decisions, including your aunties, your wedding coordinator, and some caterer named John, it’s tough to decipher. But when you listen to your heart, the choice is clearer than those $25 acrylic chairs you nixed out of your wedding mood-board in 2018.
Diamonds are forever
Like the diamond industry, the wedding industry has subsequently shot itself in the foot with this egregious over-sell. Engaged couples are indoctrinated to believe that they need some exorbitant 400-person wedding with all of the trendiest vendors, coolest musicians, lavish finger foods, and perhaps a circus performer (or two) to effectively broadcast their love to their friends and family. But in reality, it’s the rise of elopements that shine, proving that love has managed to conquer the price tag of the wedding by shoving archaic traditions into the attic with Mom’s old puffy-sleeved wedding dress from the 80s.
So while gigantic, over-inflated weddings may be entertaining on social media or on TV, the ‘Pinterest wedding’ is slowly becoming a thing of the past for us regular folks getting married. A new generation of romantics has come up with refreshing ways to celebrate their nuptials–which usually focus on what really matters: Your new life partner and the experiences you’ll share together forever.
