Man Buys a House for His Girlfriend Without Consulting Her About It, She Is Hesitant to Accept, Leading to a Strain in Their Relationship

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    How would you feel if your boyfriend (M38) of 9 months purchases a home and says it's for you (F34)?
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    My boyfriend of 9 months purchased a home and said he bought it with "me" in mind as we have talked about a future and wanting to have a family. We have had many serious talks about our
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    relationship and we've both met each other's families. He previously lived in a home for several years and has always thought about changing his living situation and also wasn't sure if he even wanted
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    to stay to live in the same city. To my surprise, he went to see a house without me knowing and put in an offer. Long story short his offer was accepted and he's made comments about how he thought about this house for us eventually.
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    I'm not sure how to feel about it, I'm really happy that he got a house he really likes and at the price he got it for. But I feel we're not there yet to move in with each other. Also, in no way did I have a say in the decision of this house or the
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    location so I don't think him to say he got the house with "me" in mind is fair. He hasn't considered the commute for me to travel to work or anything that would be considered specifically to actually having me in mind. He bought this
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    home one block away from his previous house as he will be renting out that home now, so this home by default is a great location for him overall. I'm not sure how to feel about his comments and his expectations with me and the house.
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    Additionally, I am a student and the closing of his house happened to be the very busiest week of exams and assignments I had due. We had conversations about how I could not help him move and there seemed to be an understanding,
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    that week consisted of working on a presentation, studying for an exam and working on a paper. Any other free time I had I invested in self care such as working out or doing yoga. However, on one of those days I posted a selfie where I
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    was proud to have accomplished so much in the morning before going into work and he got extremely upset about this. He went on to say I didn't care to help him move and that I didn't want to help him move
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    essentially and made a huge deal about it as he bought this house with “me” in mind. What do you think of this?
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    Edit to give more context: • The house was bought entirely with his money. I have zero financial contribution to this.
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    • We never talked about a specific time frame when I would move in. It was a discussion about how it's something we both would want eventually
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    • We did talk about how I would contribute when that time comes, in which I mentioned expenses such as hydro, utilities, internet etc..I also made it clear that in no way was I expecting a free ride and not to contribute anything. That's just not my character.
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    • The selfie that was posted was a close up shot of my face with sunglasses on and enjoying my coffee! I had made a list of accomplishments of tasks I did that day and wrote it in this picture: "meal prep ☑, work out ☑, coffee sunshine ... great way starting my day so far!"
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    BizIt4 There are multiple red flags going on here. 1. If he truly envisioned you two living together in this house down the line, he would have included you in the conversation or invited
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    you to house showings. I think what he really envisioned is having a partner. Not specifically you, but a partner. 2. The fact that he became upset when you posted about your productive morning is very worrisome. You were being smart
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    to prioritize your education and self care/ mental health. It takes roughly 30 min - 1 hour to work out. Did he really expect you to take that limited time to drive over, pack 2-4 boxes and then leave?? That's ridiculous.
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    3. The fact he tried to guilt-trip you when he was upset by throwing in how he "envisioned the house with you in it" is quite manipulative and down-right juvenile.
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    If these are the only red flags you've seen in this relationship, I would suggest counseling. If he's serious about building a future with you, then he should 100% be open to this. If he tries to dissuade you from talking to a professional, then you KNOW he doesn't care about self-growth and in- turn, growing with you.
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    EquasLocklear The classic 'gift that is actually for myself but you owe me for it'.
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    moss1966 I think he's almost 40 and acting like an immature self centered person.

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