Mom calls 24-year-old daughter a loser for saying her successful sister doesn't deserve her cruise vacation: 'Sara was a loser in high school so it isn't fair that she has all this now'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 16, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

As a society, we tend to have contempt for people who peaked in high school. It's far from an enviable position, not having any accomplishments that level up to what you did as a 16-year-old. It's pretty sad to still see the world through high-school-tinted glasses, but that's the case for more people than we'd like to admit. I have never met anyone in my adult life and thought, "Wow, they must've been popular in high school" or "Wow, they were probably a loser in high school," and I'd like to keep it that way.

This is the story of two sisters: one was popular in high school, and the other wasn't. The girl who wasn't popular (Sara) grew up to be a successful woman, and the popular girl (Kelly) dropped out of college. When Kelly claimed that Sarah didn't deserve the success she had because she was a loser in high school, her mother fought back, telling her that she was the loser in life. 

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    AITA for telling my daughter that life isn't highschool and if it was she would be the loser now
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    My daughter is 24 (Kelly) and my younger daughter is 23 (Sara). They both had very different high school experiences. Kelly was very social and in different sports. Sara was very academic and had a small group of friends.
    via u/Classic-Bandicoot672
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    Kelly got a sport scholarship for college but soon dropped out of college after she failed multiple classes. She basically partied and did her sport and nothing else. Sara went on to finish her degree and is doing well in life.
    via u/Classic-Bandicoot672
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    Kelly has a jealously issue, and I have talked with her beofore about it. She is never happy when Sara has an accomplishment. Today Sara told us that she is going on a cruise for her vacation this year. Kelly always wanted to go on a cruise and couldn't afford it with her waiter job.
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    In the car she blew up saying that Sara was a loser in highschool so it isn't fair that she has all this now. She went on for a bit when I had enough. I told her that life isn't like highschool and it if was she was the loser now. This started and agruement and she called me a
    via u/Classic-Bandicoot672
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    1962Michael 4 hr. ago NTA. While it's never good to call your child a loser, you were using the word she used for her sister and in a conditional manner, so I'll give that a pass. I think it's probably closer to the truth that Sara was never a loser--she was just playing a different "game." She did what she was interested in, had close friends, and probably never wanted to be "popular."
    via u/1962Michael
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    Research has shown that siblings intentionally differentiate themselves from each other. I had 5 siblings, and we were all very different. My closest brother, only 14 months older, was on the chess club in high school. I could never beat him at home, so I never joined. In this case since Kelly was older and liked sports, Sara could never be as good as Kelly in sports, so she chose to focus on classwork. Kelly was a favorite with the coaches, and Sara with the teachers.
    via u/1962Michael
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    midnightsunofabitch - 3 hr. ago I hope you plan to talk to your daughter and let her know that YOU don't consider her a loser. You're just concerned with the resentment towards her sister, and how SHE clearly views herself. Ask her if she's happy with her lot in life. If not, what does she plan to do to change it?
    via u/midnightsunofab*tch
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    . str4nger-d4nger · 3 hr. ago Its the kids who never grow out of high school that wind up in trouble. Sounds like your daughter hasn't quite grown up yet. Real life isn't kind to those who refuse to grow up. best of luck with this.
    via u/str4nger-d4nger
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    Classic-Bandicoot672 OP 3 hr. ago That's really not true. Sometimes a gifted student burns out and goes into drugs Sometimes the theater kid has a 20 year old crisis and gets in with the wrong crowd Sometimes the religious kid has a faith crisis and goes off the deep end
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    Sometimes the popular kid goes to deep in a party Life is just a balancing act, you want to have fun but responsibility need to balance out
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    DemosthenesForest . 3 hr. ago That's basically what they were trying to tell you with that comment. It's the people that don't grow out of high school to realize how to regulate themselves in their emotions\health\work life balance\relationships etc. that struggle. Your daughter didn't learn to self regulate, so she had to drop out of college. Her
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    resentment of her sister shows that she still hasn't learned the lessons and expects to be handed things to have her feelings regulated for her. If she had learned the lesson of adulthood, she would have the ability to self reflect and make changes in her life to get what she wants.
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    OverallDonut3646 - 4 hr. ago NTA. She's acting like a loser who peaked in high school, and equates everything back to high school. You clearly put things into perspective in a way that she can understand, and she did not like it. Did she think being cool and good at a sport (that she no longer plays) would get her through life?
    via u/OverallDonut3646
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    Valuable_Impress_192 - 4 hr. ago Judging by the story in the post i think it's a safe bet to say she did not think, period.
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    Classic-Bandicoot672 OP 4 hr. ago That actually sums up a lot of her actions
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    midnightsunofabitch 4 hr. ago edited 3 hr. ago NTA Kelly is obviously behaving like a complete brat, and I can only imagine how frustrated you must be. But...I can guarantee that Kelly is going to remember her mother (?) calling her a "loser" for the rest of her life. That's the sort of thing you just don't forget. My siblings can call me a loser and it's water off a duck's back. Let my mom or dad say that and I would be DEVASTATED. Some things just hit different coming from a parent.
    via u/midnightsunofabitch
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    There was probably a more constructive way for you to respond to Kelly. If I were you I would definitely sit her down and have a conversation. Something expressing how YOU don't view her as a loser, but you worry about the way she views herself, and the overt jealousy/resentment she has towards her sister. Remind her that if she's so unhappy with her life it's on her to fix it, and hating on her sister isn't going to solve anything. It's cheesy, but tell her that resentment is like drinking pois
    via u/midnightsunofabitch
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    tinymi3 - 4 hr. ago NTA, you tell it like it is. you're calling out that her high school mentality is super outdated and hopefully it resonates with her it's sad to believe the "status" someone held in the 4 years of highschool should determine the quality of life in the following decades. She's cruel to her sister for being successful, then complains when the mirror is reflected back on her life choices. Turns out the tables can turn sharply once you're in the adult world.
    via u/tinymi3
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    Kelly made choices and she has to come to terms with the outcome. She still has plenty of time to make new choices too, she's still young.
    via u/tinymi3

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family drama mother sibling rivalry sisters siblings success cruise peaked in high school high school family dropout sibling sister daughter mom vacation
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