Boyfriend who peaked in high school gets offended that nerdy girlfriend didn't know who he was in high school: 'Nobody had time to think about popular kids'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 26, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

I went to one of those public high schools where the nerds were as vicious, if not more vicious, than the popular kids. They weren't throwing tampons or pouring pig blood on each other, but they were ferociously competing against each other to be the most highly-ranked students in the school. At a school with over 700 kids per grade, your GPA had to be at least 4.0 if you even wanted a shot at being in the top 5-7% of the class. I had a front-row seat to the competitive antics of these nerds as someone who was smart enough to be in their classes but not smart enough to even try to compete with them. Just talking to one of those kids filled me with stress and piqued my imagination as to how much pressure to succeed they had at home. 

One of those nerds all grown up recently got in a squabble with her boyfriend (one of the popular kids at her high school) about whether she would've been thrilled to have dated a "popular guy" back when they were in high school together. Spoiler alert: she didn't even know who he was. 

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  • 01
    AITA for proving to my boyfriend the "nerds" never cared about the "popular" kids in high school?
    via Steven Abraham
  • 02
    My boyfriend and I (both 25) went to the same high school. My boyfriend was talking about our high school days. He thought high school me would have been thrilled to date the "popular" guy because I was a "nerd." Mind you, we're 25 and it's 2024.
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 03
    I played along for a bit until I realized he wasn't joking. He literally thought that. I told him that I didn't know he existed. He was surprised and said that he was a popular kid. He played football and was in the popular crowd. He said that I must have been lying.
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 04
    I told him that the "nerds" never cared about the "popular" kids in high school because we were fiercely competing amongst ourselves for college admissions. For a backstory on our town, my boyfriend was born and raised there but I only moved when I was 13 along with a bunch of other high achieving kids. That's because an engineering company opened up a branch near that town and brought in a ton of engineers and their families.
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 05
    So it was a sleepy town with a big high school that suddenly got a ton of competitive kids. And I mean insanely competitive. Nobody had time to think about popular kids or really anything but college admissions. I was only getting four or five hours of sleep a night regularly. Sports like football or cheerleading which required 5 days a week of training at school were out of the question.
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 06
    And I saw the same people regularly because we were all in the same classes. So all of the drama was contained within that group of 50-100 or so students. It paid off for me. I got into a top college and had no student loans. It was literally cheaper than the state school. (And despite my autogenerated username, I do have a good job that I enjoy.)
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 07
    My bf said I'm lying. I don't like being called a liar. So I literally reached out to all of my high school "nerd" friends and yep they didn't know the popular group and the ins and outs of the dynamics like my bf thought. A few people recognized some names, but like I said, we were really focused on competing with each other.
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 08
    He got quiet when I proved my case. He said I humiliated him and I proved my point and we should never mention high school again. I talked with his sister and she said that high school was a special experience for him and I ruined his memories. AITA?
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 09
    nick2kool4skool • 3h NTA. I won't echo the "peaked in highschool" thing cuz while it may have an echo of truth, I also think it's reductive. I think it's more important for your boyfriend to realize that the reason "nerds" bond together in places like highschool, and why weirdos/ nerds/freaks/geeks self identify as such despite implied social stigma, is that it's a conscious act of defiance against the notion that their self worth is solely defined by the dominant social hierarchy. Reply 8.4k
    via u/nick2kool4skool
  • 10
    NoJob7202 OP • 3h I'm going to be really honest here. It was not about defiance in any way for us. In fact, we played more heavily into a social hierarchy measured by the prestige of your college and perceived pathway. It was a very competitive and unhealthy environment. The reason I or other people didn't care about "popular kids or freaks or weirdos" because they weren't competitors. If my boyfriend was a student athlete who had great stats, we would all have known and cared. It's not a good t
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 11
    NTA Sirix_8472 2h • But why does your bf feel a need for OTHERS to validate HIS highschool experience? Why can't he just remember it as he did and that be that? Nothings changed. Edit to say: these are rhetorical questions for OP..we all already know the answer 3k
    via u/Sirix_8472
  • 12
    TtvDudegnarlyy • 2h Cause high school is the only source of validation for some and sounds like he hasn't had any is a long time so he's grasping at memories for a low temporary dopamine boost 1.1k
    via u/TtvDudegnarlyy
  • 13
    Varietygamer_928 • 3h Partassipant [1] NTA... it begs the question why your bf feels the need to feel superior in your relationship. Reply 4.6k
    via u/Varietygamer_928
  • 14
    i-Own-Blackacre • 3h Because guys who peaked in high school are often the type of guy who needs to be "the man" in the relationship. ... 1.7k
    via u/i-Own-Blackacre
  • 15
    NoJob7202 OP. 3h He doesn't really have a superiority complex, he just saw those TikToks talking about "my bf/gf in high school vs me" and thought about us because we were in high school. On the flip side, he loves those jokes about one person having a silly job (like him) while their partner has a serious job with real world ramifications I think he just liked the idea of me having a crush on him in high school back in the day when life wasn't complicated and real. ... 638
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 16
    Varietygamer_928.3h Partassipant [1] I get it but I don't. Your high school experience can be sacred to you without feeling the need to harp on if your long term relationship idolized you in school. ... ✩ 761
    via u/Varietygamer_928
  • 17
    Poctah • 3h Nta. I also agree with you. I went to a huge highschool with around 600 kids in each grade (so 2.4k total). I honestly didn't even know a lot of the kids in my grade and really just stuck to my group of about 50 kids (we were the emo kids). We could have cared less about any other groups of kids and couldn't tell if you anyone was populari ... Reply 1.1k
    via u/Poctah
  • 18
    NoJob7202 OP. 2h That was so similar to my experience! At our graduation I was like " are those people". It's not like the smart kids tried to stick together though. Being in the same classes and ecs all the time does that to you. Most of us absolutely hated each other. 428
    via u/NoJob7202
  • 19
    mfruitfly • 3h Aficionado [14] NTA. First, he could have stopped talking about it when you raised that you didn't know him/care about him in high school. He could have just taken your explanation about your high school experience and moved on. He pushed it and so you aren't an AH for wanting to prove him wrong. Second, it is sad that at 25- or any age- people hold on to who they were in school AND use it to create a view of their current self and how much people must admire them. It would be rea
    via u/mfruitfly
  • 20
    Third, high schools are not like the movies. Sure, some people have high school experiences that are very stereotypical with popular cliques of cheerleader/football, smart kids get bullied, etc. But the reality for most people across the US at least, is that high school is a bunch of groups of people who could give a about the others. The football guys at my high school were fine, but none of them cracked the top 20 hottest guys at my school and I can't remember a single name. I was part of thea
    via u/mfruitfly
  • 21
    So that leads to finally, the fact that your boyfriend, at 25, holds on to the notion that everyone was jealous of him in high school is very sad. What is a little worrisome- for your relationship- is that he seems to think that view is important to your dynamic as a couple. He relies on you being grateful that the popular dude chose you, and now that you have deflated that, I wonder what happens next. Reply 377
    via u/mfruitfly

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relationship popular school nerds nerdy relationship-drama reddit story relationships couples high school popularity education reddit thread college couple
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