‘I was livid’: SAHM juggling a degree, three children, and job search puts foot down after refusing to clean up after helpless husband

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 8, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

Sometimes it's necessary to give yourself a break when you've been busy juggling a family, work, and school—this husband does not agree.

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  • Being a mother is one of the most special things in this life. After all, you're raising the next generation of little humans and you can only hope that you did everything in your power to ensure they have an easy and fulfilling life. Between trying your best to keep the house in tip-top shape and making sure the little tots have food on the table, it can be very challenging to set aside some time for you. Let's give a nod of appreciation to the stay-at-home moms—the day-to-day tasks seem never-ending.

    The husband and wife in this story agreed that she should be a SAHM while she pursues a full-time degree. With her three young children, three pets, and being in school full time, she is struggling to find balance and peace. The icing on the cake: he requested she search for a work-from-home position while doing everything she already has on her plate. After her husband has a minor juice spill, he pulls her from what she was doing and asks her to clean it up. He claims he couldn't because “the kids were around.” She is seemingly dumbfounded because she does everything and more while the kids are under her care, so she refuses. After some belittling on his part, relationship dissonance ensues. Here's what the internet has to say about it.

  • 01
    AITAH for being furious after my husband told me I don't do anything?
    via at0m09
  • 02
    My husband (38) and I (36) have been together for 8 years now. We have three kids 3,6, and 7 and 2 dogs and a cat. We recently agreed that I would be a SAHM because I'm in school full time for my bachelors degree so we took the kids out of childcare and I quit my part time job. My husband also has brought up that he wants me to find a part time
    via at0m09
  • 03
    work from home job as well so I've been searching and applying. So work from home, school full time, and have all the kids and animals and everything else. This is still a fairly new arrangement, but it's hard. Actually going to work is less stressful. More adult interaction. My stress levels are through the roof all day at home. The work is never ending. I'm in
    via at0m09
  • 04
    sensory overload all day. My husband actually told me about two movies he watched at work today and that it was a "super easy and slow day". Well, after he got home, he called me from bathroom to the kitchen saying "can you come help?" I went but turned out there was just a spill and nothing major, looked like some juice or flavored water or
    via at0m09
  • 05
    something. He then asked me to clean it up because he was trying to do something else and he left. I did not clean it up. I went back to the bathroom to finish what I was originally doing. He then came to me and told me he's never seen anyone so petty and dramatic and couldn't believe I refused to help him. I
    via at0m09
  • 06
    explained to him it's not that I was refusing to help him, but there was no reason he didn't just clean it. And it wasn't right that he stopped me from what I was doing in another room to do something he was perfectly capable of doing himself. He said he couldn't clean up the spill because the kids were around. I was livid. I told that I have the
    via at0m09
  • 07
    kids all day by myself. I'm doing school work. I'm applying for jobs. You came home to a clean house, no dirty laundry, no dishes, kids bathed and ready for bed, animals walked and fed, and I have your lunch packed for tomorrow. If I can manage all of that with the kids then you can clean up your own spill. He then responded with I'm lazy and he
    via at0m09
  • 08
    knows I don't do anything all day except sit on my and that I can't even hold a job. Mind you, this was something we talked about and he's even the one who told me to quit my job and stay home. I was so mad I was shaking. I left and drove around the neighborhood. He still hasn't spoken to me. Am I being the AH?
    via at0m09
  • 09
    • EntildaDesigns 13h ago Is today the AH dads against SAHMS day? This the 3rd AH husband I've read today who treats his wife like this. this can't be real right?
    via EntildaDesigns
  • 10
    RandomReddit9791 • 10h ago He agreed to the arrangement and is now calling YOU lazy because HE didn't want to clean up a spill. Go back to your previous arrangement asap and stop carrying so much of the load. Do not be a SAHM when your husband shows he doesn't value what you do. Next it'll be the financial abuse.
    via RandomReddit9791
  • 11
    Astyryx . 11h ago If you think he's educable, get the Fair Play book and game. But for the immediate moment, tell him all but essential kid services stop. He can take some vacation time while you go away for a break. And he can learn that unpaid care labor i labor.
    via Astyryx
  • 12
    Also what a douchecanoe, saying proximity to kids means he can't do a task, while also diminishing your days as "not working." There's a lot of people in the world who, if they sent back in time, would seamlessly be delighted to be slave owners.
    via Astyryx
  • 13
    Parking_Pomelo_3856 10h ago Start with getting his highness his own laundry basket. You are no longer his laundress. Paper plates and utensils. You're not the dishwasher. He can pack his own lunch. Tbh this arrangement saved my sanity when my kids were young. My husband is not an AH and just rolled with it. Yours will and moan about it but effem. He's giving you no respect so why should you exert yourself for him.
    via Parking_Pomelo_3856
  • 14
    meggnugget . 8h ago NTA but seriously you need to drop this arrangement any man who can't comprehend the work a SAHM does isn't someone you want to be financially reliant on. He already views you are inferior to him you need to get out of the ASAP because soon it will be his money and he will act as if you contribute nothing.
    via meggnugget
  • 15
    CatCharacter848 8h ago You need to leave him alone with the kids for a few days so he can appreciate what you do for him. Or If he says your lazy and do nothing. Just be lazy and do nothing.
    via CatCharacter848
  • 16
    . Chipchop666 · 8h ago This is the hill to die on. Your husband sounds like a self entitled mamas boy
    via Chipchop666
  • 17
    . Haunting-Nebula-... 8h ago NTA - I was a single mom going to school full time, working, managing my own household and I never had that drama. You know why? Because there was no man child to cause that drama. Tell him to get his together or just send a check every month
    via Hauntin-Nebula-1685
  • 18
    TootsNYC 9m ago • you can't HOLD a job? You didn't get fired; you resigned to be focused at home. If anything, he "fired" you from your job to "hire" you into a job with a toxic coworker who thinks he's your boss.
    via TootsNYC
  • 19
    onthewayin10 14h ago Get back to your part time job asap. He's contradicting himself - he wanted you to give up your part time job and be a SAHM for the time you're not in school yet wants you to get another part time job working from home? This makes zero sense.
    via onthewayin10
  • 20
    You're NTA but you should - realise how important it is that you finish your degree and get your own financial independence, there's no way in I'd agree to be a SAHM with a partner who says things like this
    via onthewayin10
  • 21
    Cabin_life_2023 • 14h ago . I'm sorry you had to deal with his shenanigans. Being a SAHM is no joke, especially with everything else you've got going on. NTA
    via Cabin_life_2023
  • 22
    SweetBekki ⚫2h ago NTA - you should make some travel plans with your friends and leave your husband with the kids all weekend and see how he copes
    via SweetBeki
  • 23
    Tough_Breadfru... 28m ago You deserve better honey. Your husband sounds like a bad joke & we all know you bin those. If he can't appreciate all you do then. don't do it anymore & do what makes you happy.
    via Tough_Breadfruit_830

Tags

family drama marriage entitlement married with children Female Empowerment relationship-drama reddit story relationships parenting husband couples family Reddit toxic relationship children
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