‘A rug has been pulled out from under me’: Boyfriend Wastes 4.5 Years of Girlfriend's Life Claiming She's Not Long Term Material, Says He Doesn't Believe in Monogamy

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 25, 2024 7:00 PM EDT

Don't let your boyfriend keep you from meeting your husband, ladies

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  • The time-consuming process of searching for and finding Mr. Right can be very discouraging for us ladies who are simply trying to find someone to love and love us back in the same unconditional manner. The main issue when looking for Mr. Right is that even when you least expect it, these guys prove themselves to be Mr. Couldn't Have Been Wronger. This can even happen after almost five long, very domestic-seeming years. Why is it that we blindly trust love has a plan for us? Sometimes, it isn't that simple. But like I always say, don't let inattentive, selfish boyfriends keep you from meeting your future husband. That's the advice we're seeing in the comment section of this story.

    This woman has been with her boyfriend for four and a half years and shares a home with him. The first red flag: he wasn't financially stable until the end of last year. So, about 7 months. The topic of children arose between the two, and he said he would “help her co-parent”, insinuating that they would not have a committed, legally tied union. He then says no to her plea for a promise ring and says he could see himself being with her for “five more years, maybe longer, but not long term". Placing an expiration date on an already long-term relationship is never a good sign. See what the lovely ladies of the internet are saying about this woman's dilemma. I say: leave him.

  • 01
    My 26F bf 31M of 4 1/2 years told me to find someone else if I want something long term and that he doesn't believe in monogamy. Where do I go from here?
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 02
    I'm 26 we've been together since I was 21, he is now 31. We've been together for 4 1/2 years in a monogamous relationship. I have a good job and have been stable since we met running my own business. He had a stable job then happened and he hasn't been stable financially until the end of last year. We also live together.
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 03
    We were discussing the future and I don't even necessarily want to get married but a promise ring would be ideal. He brought up having children about a year ago which I would like to have some form of commitment if we were to go ahead on the child situation. I
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 04
    grew up in a broken home as did he, and I wouldn't like the same for my children ideally. I expressed worries of being a single mother and he said, "you wouldn't be we would coparent
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 05
    and you have family and friends you would be fine." He said no to the promise ring and that he could see being with me for about 5 more years, maybe
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 06
    longer, but not long term. He told me "if you want to be with someone forever you should go be with someone else." Which was very painful because this has been the longest relationship in my adult life.
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 07
    Apparently he doesn't believe in monogamy which is what I thought our relationship has been since the beginning. A lot of confusion with that because now I question if the last nearly 5
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 08
    years I've been with this person was even real. I don't want to feel like a burden and I don't know why he ever asked me to be his girlfriend if he doesn't believe in that kind of thing anyways. I'm just truly confused because it didn't feel like I was speaking to him just a stranger or something.
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 09
    A rug has been pulled out from under me. We never fight or have conflict and usually things are good, but I can't ignore this conversation. I feel hurt and duped to be honest. Even in times of emotional need he tells
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 10
    me to go to therapy instead of offering comfort. I feel that things went great up until the last year because I've had a lot of unexpected uncontrollable situations that have been putting a strain on my happiness (not
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 11
    regarding the relationship) and everything hasn't been sunshine and rainbows. I'm at a loss this has been a huge slap in the face. I thought we were on the same page up until now especially when he brought up children. Is it
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 12
    so crazy to ask for a little commitment? Or delusional to want to grow old and have romance together? (he's not much of a romance guy.) I'm pretty sure he's just comfortable and not deeply in love with me. I could use some advice. Thanks
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 13
    TL:DR my bf of 4 1/2 years doesn't believe in monogamy despite our monogamous relationship and told me to go be with someone else if I want something long term. Super confused because he brought up wanting children with me I've never asked for that or marriage.
    via ScreamingWe****s
  • 14
    RoutinePeace 9h ago He's made himself clear. You should too! Leave him and find someone willing to give the commitment you need.
    via RoutinePeace
  • 15
    ThrowRA_huggy 9h ago You have to leave this guy or else you're going to regret your choices when he eventually does leave. you can find someone who will give you everything you want and need, and the romance you deserve. he made it clear it won't be him, so leave
    via ThrowRA_huggy
  • 16
    cl... . . 7h ago Edited 1m ago I'm sorry to hear you've wasted 4 1/2 years with this manchild. At least you know where you stand now. I'd send him and his lazy packing, because you deserve better.
    via cleotorres
  • 17
    Atmosphere Relevant48 . 7h ago I think it's awesome that you had this conversation because it was really sincere and to the point. He doesn't see you as the mother of his children in the romantic sense you have in mind, but as a committed person he can trust his kids with while he goes around fishing in other waters. Girl, every day you're now with him is a lost day in your life.
    via AtmosphereRelevant48
  • 18
    sanguinepsycholo... 6h ago He's told you there's an expiration date on the relationship, which is somewhere in the future at his convenience. How do you even ask where you go from here? You accept that he's a that wasted your time, and you implement your own expiration date: today.
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 19
    I'm sorry you're hurting and this is a complete slap in the face. But people like him are like that. If you give him time to convince you into accepting this bizarrity is normal, you're going to waste even more time and ten years from now you'll be watching him marry his 20
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 20
    year old love of his life within three months of dating while you're surrounded by three children he no longer needs to see because he'll make more. "Even in times of emotional need he tells me to go to
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 21
    therapy instead of offering comfort". OP HE ISN'T EVEN EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. He's just happy to have someone to pick up his and bed with. in
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 22
    Ornery_Enthusias... . 5h ago He's perfectly willing to lose you, get out now before you sink more years into this guy and block yourself from finding love and having babies (if you want them).
    via Ornery_Enthusiasm529
  • 23
    StarlightM4 • 5h ago I would take his advice. Find someone else. Dump his useless first, of course. Really, I would have left the moment he said that. Respect yourself, OP, get out of that relationship ASAP.
    via StarlightM4

Tags

toxic-boyfriend Dating-Relationships boyfriend relationship advice drama relationship-drama reddit story relationships sneaky advice relationship feud Reddit weird toxic relationship other woman dating dating advice
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