'I was not at peace': Childhood besties end friendship after one prioritizes a work thing over the other's last-minute wedding, becomes clear who the toxic one is

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Jul 26, 2024 7:00 PM EDT

"I realized I was only being her friend the last few years to keep the peace between our two families. However, I was not at peace. I decided after talking with my aunt that I would be civil with this childhood friend, but that's all she will ever be now. A childhood friend I once knew."

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  • Breakups are heartbreaking and feel impossible to get over sometimes, but you eventually move on. However, friendship breakups truly scar you forever. It's just such a different hurt. When you get into a romantic relationship, you know that heartbreak is possible, so you're never full caught off guard. Whereas a friendship breakup always feels like a true betrayal. You were supposed to grow old together and be there for each other forever. When did the friendship turn toxic?

    One bride recently turned to Reddit to wonder if her childhood bestie was being the toxic one or if she was. They recently had a falling out because her friend was so upset that she wouldn't change the date of her wedding since she had a “work thing." The work thing was her boss' graduation online… She threw such a tantrum that it really put a damper on her friend's wedding—she made it all about her. Her bestie was hurt, but was trying to understand since the wedding was so last minute, they only gave everybody 7 weeks to prepare. But in the end, her friend's true colors showed through and she quickly realized who the toxic one was. Read the entire situation below and how others on the internet are reacting. 

  • 01
    "I decided... I would be civil with this childhood friend, but that's all she will ever be now. A childhood friend I once knew."
    via RDNE Stock Project via Pexels
  • 02
    AITA for not changing my wedding date ΑΙΤΑ My husband (26 male) and I (24 female) got engaged before Easter in March 2024. We dated since the end of November 2022. We wanted to elope and talked about it since August 2023, but knew how important our wedding was to both my family and his. I had told almost everyone who asked me that we would have a short engagement and were already planning on getting married by the end of May 2024. A few days after we got engaged, the date was set for the third w
    via heifer_looey
  • 03
    My childhood friend/now-ex-friend (25 female) sent me a text saying she won't be there because of a trip she had planned before. I called her and she instantly said "you are really me over. Can you not do another date?" I explained to her- after ten minutes of hearing her explain the trip was for her mentor/boss's graduation ceremony in another state since he was doing seminary online- that the date could not be moved.
    via heifer_looey
  • 04
    We decided this date would be best because my then fiancé's sister and sister- in-law are wedding photographers and the weekend we chose was the only weekend they had available on such short notice given that they are usually booked for weddings six months to a year out from the wedding's they were doing. It was important to both my fiancé and myself that his family was there. When I explained that to her, she said "I just think if they are your family and it's important for them to be there, th
    via heifer_looey
  • 05
    I explained again that I was not sure that was possible because they are wedding photographers who already had these dates booked. (Explaining this situation to our mutual friend later, she did ask me why we could not get married in June or July. I explained that we had been looking forward to being married before the summer and had talked about it since August because my now husband works with cattle and does farming. If you know anything about farming, harvest is a big big deal that he could n
    via heifer_looey
  • 06
    Side note: I later found out she had not paid for the plane ticket and her boss/mentor did. While on the phone, I reassured her I wanted her there and asked if there was anything I could do to help the situation while also telling her that I understood if she couldn't make it as it was just seven weeks away. She replied "move the date". I
    via heifer_looey
  • 07
    explained everything to her once again while she told me "I am your best friend and this is YOUR wedding. I just think if his family wants to be there, then they should move their work schedule around. The weekend before would work better for me." I said to her then "my fiance and I understand that not everyone can be there, but if my fiancé's family can only make one weekend work before the end of May, that's the weekend we are going with. We are not expecting everyone to be able to go and we u
    via heifer_looey
  • 08
    She then said "yes but I am your best friend. Am I just not supposed to come to your wedding? Am I just not supposed to go on this trip? You have screwed me over in this situation. You are my best friend and have been since birth. I would move mountains for you and I can't believe you would do something like this to me. I have been dreaming of this day since I was born and this is the most important day for you." Side note: our mom's were best friends in high school so we have known each other o
    via heifer_looey
  • 09
    Update: She eventually did cancel her trip and made it to the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party, and wedding, but made a comment to me during rehearsal about how she was upset she was at the back of the line and wished she was at the graduation ceremony that night. Am I the shole for not moving my wedding date?
    via heifer_looey
  • 10
    Update: After reading many comments and talking about this situation with my family tonight as well as repeated instances in the last three years where she has lied to my face and manipulated several situations with me and other people I deeply care about, I realized I was only being her friend the last few years to keep the peace between our two families. However, I was not at peace. I decided after talking with my aunt that I would be civil with this childhood friend, but that's all she will e
    via heifer_looey
  • 11
    No-Series6354 • 4d ago NTA. If she can make it to the wedding, great. If not, oh well. She sounds exhausting and child like 144 ☐ Reply
    via No-Series6354
  • 12
    MissTakeElley • 4d ago NTA "I just think if they are your family and it's important for them to be there, then they should be able to move their work schedule around for the wedding." Pot meet kettle 19 Reply
    via MissTakeElley
  • 13
    markbrev • 4d ago Hang on, she wanted you to change your wedding date because she was attending her boss's graduation ceremony? Like not even her own graduation ceremony? that noise. NTA, not even a little bit. 15 ☐ Reply
    via markbrev
  • 14
    NaNa6412 4d ago NTA either she can or she can't it's that simple. I moved my wedding date so my BFF at the time could be my maid of honor and come. After I asked her what 3 dates worked best for her and got no response I just chose a date and then told her how I would like her there even if she can't be a maid of honor. Still no responses. She never showed up to my wedding and that friendship ended for 2 years before we talked again. She no longer my bestie. So I
    via NaNa6412
  • 15
    would just stick with the date you want and hope for the best but be understanding if she can't make it then you at least understand the reason why and hopefully can continue the friendship either way unlike my situation. O and I got married a month after my engagement so I understood if people didn't come for me it was the lack of no communication with me so at least your getting the communication. ↑ 73 ☐ Reply
    via NaNa6412
  • 16
    Rosalie-83 4d ago • So she wanted your then fiancés sister and SIL to break a work contract causing them serious lost money and reputation, potentially ruining someone else's wedding if they could not get another photographer short notice. And potential lost income going forward after bad online reviews of a last minute cancellation. ...All so this supposed best friend could go to her bosses online school graduation?
    via Rosalie-83
  • 17
    I'm going to quote the supposed bf "I just think if they are your family (change to best friend) and its important for them to be there, then they should be able to move their work schedule (holiday)" because let's be honest who the goes to their bosses online school graduation ceremony? No one. It was a paid holiday by the boss. 853 Reply ...
    via Rosalie-83
  • 18
    emberlainee 3d ago NTA I literally was just in my BEST FRIEND'S wedding on Saturday and broke my foot during the 3rd song at the reception but continued to dance and go out with her after the wedding because THAT'S WHAT BEST FRIENDS DO. They don't make excuses for why they can't be there, they don't say that other people should change their work schedules around when they wouldn't do that either, and they DON'T ASK YOU TO CHANGE YOUR WEDDING DATE! She claims to be your best friend but she isn't
    via emberlainee
  • 19
    tiredthirties • 3d ago NTA Reading several of OPS comments, I wonder if this friend is the kind of person to bulldoze her way into other people's lives. She was invited to the graduation trip by the pastor's wife, whom she's apparently close to, but the pastor himself had to tell her she couldn't miss the wedding over her graduation. So if he hadn't told her that, she probably wouldn't have gone to the wedding. She was making a big deal about visiting a previous youth pastor's family during said
    via tiredthirties
  • 20
    Wooden Farmer8509 • 3d ago NTA. She sounds selfish & self centered. If she was really your best friend she would prioritize your wedding over the graduation ceremony of her boss. I mean who even goes to their boss' graduation ceremony?! + 3 3 Reply
    via Wooden_Farmer8509
  • 21
    Jerseygirl2468 • 4d ago NTA how on earth did she figure her boss' graduation from online school (?) was more important than her best friend's wedding? LOL. She sounds like she's got main character syndrome - this was your wedding, you chose dates that worked for you, everyone else can figure it out and come or don't come. 423 Reply ...
    via Jerseygirl2468
  • 22
    • Eldaaril 4d ago Absolutely NTA. Ur wedding is about u. Everyone is supposed to support u and make it happen. My best man was a and took the job when he knew he really couldn't and told me he was out 2 days before my wedding. And u know what my family did? They told me not to worry and they would take care of the empty spot on the roster. They secretly asked my brother to take his place and drove my brother up from 8 hrs away on a moments notice. My brother was Johnny on the spot to support me.
    via Eldaaril
  • 23
    THAT'S WHAT UR LOVED ONES DO. He could have said no because he wasn't part of the bridal party in the first place, but he put his feelings aside, and showed up to support me. She made it clear she felt like the victim by her comments about how YOU were her. That's selfish on the one day of ur entire life everything should be about u. Ur friend made the right choice in the end, but rather begrudgingly. And she made sure u knew it. That really and I'm sorry. But that was ur day and ur entitled to
    via Eldaaril
  • 24
    If I were u I would make a cost benefit analysis of that relationship and act accordingly. I would tell her ur feelings and see how she reacts. A good loving relationship is not forged in the best of times when it's easy, but the worst of times when sacrifices need to be made. That's the earmark of true lasting relationships. Good luck girl. Ur absolutely NTA. Honestly the fact she made ultimatums about what u need to do to accommodate her says alot about ur relationship, only mildly midigated b
    via Eldaaril
  • 25
    KayCee269 • 4d ago "I just think if they are your family and it's important for them to be there, then they should be able to move their work schedule around for the wedding." Ummm the same could be said about a supposed best friend you are NTA BUT honestly if you stay friends with this exhaustingly childish person you will move into AH territory - I mean what happens when the birth of your children don't meet the dates shes available!? 22 33 Reply
    via KayCee269
  • 26
    Jsmith2127 .4d ago Edited 4d ago NTA her pulling the best friend card is bs. She expects your future inlaws to change their work hours around, so she can attend. Does she really feel that she is more important than your inlaws, at your wedding. After reading your update, and her even more entitled attitude, I would have just uninvited her, after her asking you to change not only the weekend of your bridal shower, but the time of the wedding. She has some I would be questioning my friendship with
    via Jsmith2127
  • 27
    Sue_in_Victoria • 4d ago NTA it's your wedding, but her boss's graduation? Uhh your wedding comes first. Also, you have known her forever but this woman is not your friend. She isn't interested in what's good for you, only what's good for her. I bet you have a million more stories of how you've bent over backwards for her. It will seem incredibly hard and you might need some counselling to get through it, but please reconsider her role in your life. You will be happier when she isn't sucking up
    via Sue_in_Victoria

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