Mom pressures 17-year-old daughter to shave her head for a wig for her 14-year-old sister, won't take no for an answer: '[She's] saying that I obviously don't actually care that she's struggling'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jul 28, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

There's a huge difference between asking someone to make a major sacrifice on your behalf and letting them make it because they want to. A lot of people out there want to shave their heads in solidarity with or to make a wig for a cancer patient, but it's far less common for said patient to ask their friends and family to do so. Some might find it diminutive to their struggle or unnecessary, but many understand how painful it is to lose their hair and wouldn't want a loved one to go through that if they didn't have to. That empathy is something that's lost on the mother of two girls: a 17-year-old and her 14-year-old sister, who had been diagnosed with cancer. After pressuring the elder to cut her long hair (that culturally is only supposed to be cut when someone passes away) for a wig for her sister, her mom wouldn't take no for an answer.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10380428544
    via Babba Nuu

    Photo does not feature the real subjects in the story

  • 02
    AITA for not helping my younger sister just because she has Cancer?
    via u/IamGojoTrust
  • 03
    Okay so before the story I want to give background. Our dad is pacific islander, and our mom is just white. My sister (14) and I (17) were both born in the US. Our parents divorced when I was six I think. However I continued to live my dad until I was 11, whereas my sister stayed with my mom. I live with my mom now because my dad wanted to move back to the islands, but I didn't want to leave my friends. However I know much of my family who still do live on the islands, and keep in touch with my
    via u/IamGojoTrust
  • 04
    About four months ago my sister was diagnosed with Sarcoma which is like a kind of bone/tissue cancer. She's had to go through a lot of procedures and spend a lot of time at the hospital, and I've spent a lot of it with her and helping her, and while I don't mind helping her, when she did get diagnosed my Mom expected me to drop literally everything to be there to help her. Meaning if she's at the hospital, I'm at the hospital. If she's undergoing a surgery or 'stressful procedure' I have to sto
    via u/IamGojoTrust
  • 05
    But all that I could handle and it was annoying but whatever. However recently the doctors finally decided they wanted to do Chemo, and my sisters hair has begun to fall out. She shaved it, but is extremely upset about it, because she really loved her hair. The other day my mom suggested that I shave my own hair so a wig can be made out of it for her. For reference my hair goes down to below my . However the thing is you're only supposed to cut your hair when a family member dies, and it's a tra
    via u/IamGojoTrust
  • 06
    I explained this to both my sister and my mom, but both are instant that I should do it, and that a tradition like that is meaningless, especially since my sister might die anyways. I told them no. They've both asked several times more, and my sister even begging. I once again reiterated why I wouldn't, and that asking me too was insulting.
    via u/IamGojoTrust
  • 07
    Now my sister is upset and saying that I obviously don't actually care that she's struggling and aren't being understanding. However I've bent over backwards for her, so the fact she's going so far hurts. But she's also never asked me of anything like this before and is really upset, so I just don't know, AITA??
    via u/IamGojoTrust
  • 08
    FireBallXLV 16 hr. ago NTA.Do not let them bully you OP.And stop missing school for your sister.Your Mom and Sister are asking too much.Anytime someone asks you to sacrifice something to prove your love that is a step too far.A decision to sacrifice anything should come originally from YOUR heart -NOT their lips.
    via u/FireBallXLV
  • 09
    CUL8RPINKTY - 14 hr. ago My husband has luxurious black curly hair. He is a professional and three times he has grown out his hair to his waist for LOCKS OF LOVE. This hair has never been colored or highlighted and the process can take 6-9 months for each wig to be made.
    via u/CUL8RPINKTY
  • 10
    OP, please don't allow anyone to bully you. Hold your ground. This is your beautiful hair. You get to chose. I am sorry for your sister (and your mom), however, this is not acceptable. If you feel uneasy, perhaps some calls to your dad might be in order to gain her perspective and solidify your decision. Here's wishing you all the best. NTA
    via u/CUL8RPINKTY
  • 11
    3tarzina 13 hr. ago there was another one a while ago. a pro wig maker said it takes several batches of hair and several thousand dollars to make a wig. and that takes quite a while to make, its insane that they pulled you out of school and even more insane that they expect you to cut all your hair off. your mom is totally out of line.
    via u/3tarzina
  • 12
    2dogslife 11 hr. ago In some states, insurance is mandated to supply a wig for cancer patients who lose their hair to chemo. I had a fight with my insurance that was based in another state, but my state requires wigs. Something to check on.
    via u/2dogslife
  • 13
    Peaceful-Spirit9 - 12 hr. ago Sister could get wig through this type of organization. Locks of love isn't free wigs. I don't know how much they cost. There are other orgs where it is free. And one person's hair does not equal one wig. It takes multiple sets of hair. And who is going to make this wig with OPs hair? I wonder if lurking in the back of the request is believing that if sister doesn't have hair, neither should OP. Sister could understandably be jealous of people with beautiful hair, b
    via u/Peaceful-Spirit9
  • 14
    jediping 12 hr. ago lurking in the back of the request is believing that if sister doesn't have hair, neither should OP This is 100% what it seems like to me. That's why she's also supposed to sit at the hospital when she should be in school or could be doing literally anything else. If their mom doesn't want to be alone while waiting, she can ask a friend to come with her. OP doesn't need to be doing that. NTA.
    via u/jediping
  • 15
    Nemathelminthes - 8 hr. ago I hate this idea that when a person undergoes chemo, you either have to shave your hair in solidarity or shave your hair to make a wig. Being sensitive about your hair loss is one thing, forcing somebody you supposedly love to give you something that is important to them & their identity isn't a solution. It's basically an eye for an eye.
    via u/Nemathelminthes
  • 16
    My mum's mum had cancer, my uncle has cancer, my mum has cancer and my mum's boss who I've known since I was child has cancer. None of them ever asked, let alone pressured me to shave my hair for any reason. Why? Because they know me and my attachment to my hair. Because they aren't selfish enough to expect me to be unhappy for years while I grow it back out, just so they can have a cheaper wig or some weird solidarity ego boost. Like it , cancer is horrible. But that doesn't give you a free pas
    via u/Nemathelminthes
  • 17
    Brainjacker 16 hr. ago NTA. Your sister insisting your hair is the only hair on earth that she can get a wig from is ridiculous, and your mother is enabling her.
    via u/Brainjacker
  • 18
    Betalisa 16 hr. ado Agreed. Reminds me of the story I heard that even if she needed your kidney—would die without it— the doctors would tell her that you're not a match if you told them you didn't want to give that to her.
    via u/Betalisa
  • 19
    Eugenides 16 hr. ago NTA. Sleep with your bedroom door locked, though.
    via u/Eugenides

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hair family drama bald sisters haircut bad parenting daughters shaving bad parents cancer motherdaughter family sister little sister daughter mom Parenting Fail
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