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‘Leader’ of Woman's Friend Group Consistently Makes Everything About Her, Isolates Woman From the Group As a Result: ‘I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone’

"When it was my birthday this year I asked if anyone wanted to go out for dinner and the leader announced in response that she was pregnant again."

Posted by Lana DeGaetano
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  • Best friends are supposed to be one of the most special parts of our lives. What would we ladies do without a gal BFF to share all of our successes, disappointments, and gossip with? Boys come and go, but a strong female bond sticks around forever. Or, we hope it does, at least. Friendship feuds happen every day, but it's important to own up to your wrongs when it comes to your gal pals before the dramatics get to the point of no return. Once you're picturing life without them and finding new ladies to confide in who treat you with the respect you deserve, it's not worth it to go back there.

    The woman in this story is making sure she's making the right decision by walking away from her friend group's ill-treatment. There is an obvious ‘leader’ of their friend group, who basically dictates what everyone talks about, engages in, and engages with. We've experienced this in our school years, sure — but for women in their flirty 40s, shouldn't this immaturity start feeling old? Everything is always about this leader individual, oftentimes over-shining the OP's achievements and honors. After not being able to make the leader's family's funeral, the leader isolates the woman completely (and her long-time 40-year BFF decides to do the same). I think the answer is obvious as day. What do you think? Is she overreacting or does she need to run for the hills and find some new friends elsewhere? Ones who lift her up instead of putting her down?

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  • 1
    AIO for walking away from my friends group because everything has to be on their terms?
    Via cake2019
  • 2
    I've (F45) had a group of friends since lockdown, one of whom is my childhood best friend (bf) Throughout this time our social lives have essentially revolved around the 'leaders' life - baby
    Via cake2019
  • 3
    shower, gender reveal, bachelorette, birthdays, wedding etc.... I went along with it as I figured it just happened to all be happening in a short space of time. When it was my birthday
    Via cake2019
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  • 4
    this year I asked if anyone wanted to go out for dinner and the leader announced in response that she was pregnant again, too tired and too poor to go out, ever again and from now on we were
    Via cake2019
  • 5
    only to meet up for lunch with the kids and husbands. To my surprise, everyone agreed with her and no one would do anything for my birthday which was a bit surprising but I did
    Via cake2019
  • 6
    something else without them and it was great. But then the following week, my bf sent out a secret message organising a holiday abroad for the leaders birthday. The leader has also in
    Via cake2019
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  • 7
    the meantime been on long haul holidays, bought taylor swift tickets etc... basically she is anything but poor. What is blowing my mind is that the entire group is backing her up! And my
    Via cake2019
  • 8
    bf started distancing herself from me (we have known each other 40 years!!) I tried reaching out to bf and asking why there was no compromise at all, why the leader got to decide what we all do and
    Via cake2019
  • 9
    why is everyone backing her up? Bf keeps repeating she is just too tired to do anything else. Then the leaders cousin passed away (none of the group ever met her) and we were asked to attend the
    Via cake2019
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  • 10
    funeral. I couldn't go as I was working, and then I found out that the leader had set up a new whatsapp thread, without me on it, to thank the others for their support and then that became
    Via cake2019
  • 11
    the new thread that I was excluded from. When I spoke to them about it they gaslighted me and said there wasn't an issue. Then when my bf was showing me photos in her phone gallery,
    Via cake2019
  • 12
    she accidentally swiped onto screenshots of my messages, that she has clearly been showing to people. Now bf (or former bf should i say) is organising an expensive spal
    Via cake2019
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  • 13
    weekend for the leaders baby shower. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone here. I cannot believe my bf would do this to me, but after several months of being upset I'm actually just a little angry and ready to walk away from them on focus on my other friends. Am I missing something here?
    Via cake2019
  • 14
    Miserable-Alarm-5963 · 6h ago You're not overreacting, that's a major case of main character syndrome. If you don't want to be an NPC in their life then don't. Also your ex boyfriend sounds terrible.
    Via Miserable-Alarm-5963
  • 15
    cake2019 OP. 6h ago thanks. i cannot believe grown women are behaving this way. I've edited the post to explain what I meant by bf it's my childhood best friend!
    Via cake2019
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  • 16
    • BSinspetor 6h ago I wouldn't say you are OR but I would say that those are not friends and it's clear you don't 'fit' in. Bottom line is some people just don't leave to school playground...they drag it into adult life and carry on as normal.
    Via BSinspetor
  • 17
    Join a club or something that interests you and meet other people because that lot are toxic. I personally wouldn't even give an explanation. Just pull back and get on with your own life and let them dwell in their own making.
    Via BSinspetor
  • 18
    • FitzDesign 5h ago You're not overreacting you just don't fit in to her carefully organized coterie of "friends". So time to find actual friends. Separate from the group as they've already done that to you. No need to block or do anything like that just let them know you are busy or have other plans. If any of them are actually friends then they will seek you out. If not, no loss.
    Via FitzDesign
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  • 19
    Involve yourself in your hobbies, join cubs, take classes, volunteer etc. Before you know it you will have found like minded people who enjoy being with you for the right reasons. Why would you want to remain with a bunch of sycophants? Good luck OP!
    Via FitzDesign
  • 20
    mamiesb2001 · 4h ago Once somebody shows you that they find it inconvenient to involve or include you as a friend, walk away silently and don't "disturb" them with your presence again. Just see yourself out and remove yourself from their story.
    Via mamiesb2001
  • 21
    If your "best friend" contacts you, match whatever energy she brings to the conversation. Shes's curious about where you've been? You're curious about why she's been out of contact for so long. She's sad that you haven't reached out? You're sad she's done the same. She doesn't
    Via mamiesb2001
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  • 22
    understand why you haven't texted her? You don't understand why she shared your texts with others, or you don't understand why she's evidently not aware that she can text you. Don't apologize for treating yourself better than she and this group treated you. If she wants to keep you as a friend, she can make an effort to do so. Good luck.
    Via mamiesb2001
  • 23
    NoParticular2420 5h ago • Your're not overreacting and I would not contact any of them again and if someone text you to join something decline and if your asked if you have an issue say no Im busy and leave it.
    Via NoParticular2420
  • 24
    I think we have all been in a similar position as your in now ... I had to dump a friend who would make lunch plans with me which meant I had to stop everything thing I did to meet her for lunch and every single time she would cancel 30 mins before we were to meet and ruin my day. She did this at least a dozen times and one day I snapped and I never talked to her again... my time is just as important as hers.
    Via NoParticular2420

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