37-year-old aunt gifts $7K to her 17-year-old niece for college, 40-year-old mom spends it all on her prom and asks aunt to give her $2K: 'I told her no. And now it’s a full-on meltdown.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 12, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It's hard to help kids whose parents don't want to help them first. We've all known those young people who are hardworking and wonderful, in spite of their parents. If you give cash money to a young family member to help them out with college, there's a chance that their parents will take that money away from them and use it for their own selfish purposes. One of the best ways you can help someone else out is through acts of service. Driving a teen to their SAT prep classes or taking them shopping for back-to-school supplies is something that a self-serving parent can't as easily take away. 

Often, bad parents frame their selfish choices as "helping" their kids, despite the fact that they're doing nothing of the sort. Choosing to prioritize financing a $40K car for a teenager rather than helping them save for college is stupid and selfish, because it prioritizes material things over a long-term investment in their kid's future. No teen needs a brand new car, and parents who choose that over college are doing so to keep up appearances, which is ultimately pretty selfish. 

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  • Two woman standing under garden pargola
    via Omar Lopez

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The mom in this story is incredibly invested in keeping up appearances. She wanted her daughter to have the most glamorous prom experience possible, so she took the money that her aunt gave her niece (the mom's daughter) for college and spent it on fleeting material things.

  • AITA for refusing to loan money to my sister for my niece's college fund after she spent most of it on prom?

    So I (37f) have a sister (40f) who's a single mom to my niece (17f). She's done most of it on her own since her daughter was born, and while we've had ups and downs, I've always tried to be supportive.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • My husband and I have a 14- year-old daughter ourselves, and we're not exactly rolling in it either, but we've been careful, planned ahead, and have tried to keep things stable.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • About five years ago, I started contributing money toward a college fund for my niece. Nothing huge, just here and there. Birthdays, tax return leftovers, a couple hundred from my bonus, that kind of thing. My
    via u/promcollegefund
  • sister said she was adding some too, and over time it grew to just over $11k. The entire idea, which we both agreed on, was that it was for college only. Not rent, not clothes, not bills and definitely not prom.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • Well, Prom was in late April. My niece looked absolutely beautiful. She had this pale blue fitted dress, her hair was done in this really pretty updo, makeup was on point, nails, shoes, they all looked great. She and her friends got a limo, went to a some Italian restaurant before the dance, and did a little photo shoot thing. It
    via u/promcollegefund
  • wasn't celebrity-level extravagant, but it was definitely expensive. I remember seeing the photos and thinking, "wow, they all look amazing," followed immediately by, "how exactly did they pay for this?"
    via u/promcollegefund
  • Attractive and serious middle aged female freelancer is working from home
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • So earlier this week I was going over some financial stuff (I've been managing the account the college fund is in since it's technically in my name too), and I see that about $7,000 is gone with no explanation. It wasn't hacked or anything, it was my sister. She used it to cover prom expenses and didn't even mention it to me.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • When I called her, she didn't even seem that surprised to hear from me. She was kind of cagey at first, then got defensive and said she only used some of the fund and that there's still enough for a couple semesters at community college if niece doesn't get a scholarship somewhere else. Like that makes it okay.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • I told her I was shocked she didn't ask me and she just went off about how it was her daughter's only prom, that she deserved something special, and how she's been through so much lately and she just wanted her to feel like she belonged. I get that things have been rough for them. But I still couldn't believe she just dipped into that money like it was hers.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • Then she hits me with: "I was gonna rebuild the fund over the summer anyway, but I'm short now, can you spot me like $2k just for now?"
    via u/promcollegefund
  • A stack of twenty dollar bills on a blue background
    via Planet Volumes (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I told her no. I didn't yell or anything, just a clear no. And now it's a full-on meltdown. She said I'm holding money over her head, that I'm showing my true colors, that I don't really care about her or my niece, and now she's dragged our mom and other relatives into it. My mom texted me this whole long thing about family sticking together and how prom only happens once.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • And the worst part? My niece texted me too. She said she didn't know the money came from her college fund and she's sorry, and that she doesn't want me and her mom to fight. And now I feel like absolute garbage.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • But like what was I supposed to do? I've got my own daughter, and we've been saving bit by bit for her too. I can't just casually drop thousands of dollars to refill a fund someone else emptied without even telling me. My husband agrees with me and said if we want to help my niece with college in the future, we can, but not directly through my sister.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • I love my niece and I want her to succeed. But I don't trust my sister with money anymore. And I'm sick of being made out to be some villain for having boundaries.
    via u/promcollegefund
  • ritan7471 7k for PROM? Why do I believe that she took some and put it in her own pocket? Was her dress couture? Custom made with actual diamonds? Your sister has definitely been pilfering.
    via u/ritan7471
  • Amazing-Wave4704 YEP. thanks for pointing this out. It was more than prom.
    via u/Amazing-Wave4704
  • writierthanyou I just footed the bill for my older niece and nephews proms. I spent around $1,000 total, including giving them money to eat. No way she spent $7,000 unless she was buying expensive designer stuff.
    via u/writierthanyou
  • Amazing-Wave4704 Time for your sister to learn a valuable lesson about FAFO. Do not contribute ANYTHING to an account she has access to. Frankly I would withdraw any funds equal to what you have contributed. You can create a separate account
    via u/Amazing-Wave4704
  • over which you have sole control and you can make withdrawals / payments directly to a higher learning facility. But sis doesn't get to TOUCH it EVER. Maybe give your niece the benefit of the doubt (not that I'm not skeptical...) but NO ONE gets to distribute funds but you.
    via u/Amazing-Wave4704
  • Flashy_Bridge8458 I wouldn't give the neice access, not because she's the issue but because her mom will probably try to manipulate and shame her into giving her that money. If OP wants to help the neice she should either pay the college directly herself or buy th items directly herself so the mom won't be crappy to her own daughter
    via u/Flashy_Bridge8458
  • Ok_Top_7535 Save your money for your daughter.
    via u/Ok_Top_7535
  • ThatAnteater8868 How much has she contributed to your daughter's college fund?
    via u/ThatAnteater8868
  • KallamaHarris I'm going to guess minus 6500
    via u/KallamaHarris

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Tags

family drama prom dress students mother sisters teenagers money problems niece aunt high school family prom sister mom money Parenting Fail college
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