Woman's Mother in Law Pressures Her to Give Birth Without Epidural 'Like Nature Intended,' She Holds Her Ground

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 28, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Modern medicine has come a long way in helping people relieve unnecessary pain in their lives. Over-the-counter pain killers and allergy medicines make life easier for millions. 100 years ago they would have had to suffer through period cramps, chronic pain, toothaches, inflammation, and unrelenting seasonal allergies. Even food intolerances and allergies can be managed through modern medicine. Those allergic to dairy can enjoy pizza and charcuterie boards by taking a supplement with the necessary enzymes to help break down lactose, and people with severe allergies to certain foods can carry an EpiPen in case of emergency. Taking these modern medicines doesn't make you less of a person, and so it follows that taking an epidural during labor shouldn't make a mother less of a woman.

In our story today, a controlling mother-in-law tries to manipulate our protagonist into giving birth 'naturally' by shaming her in front of her family and friends. Luckily, the plan backfired as real-life onlookers and internet commenters were left in shock and anger at she attempted to assert her will over someone else's body and choices. How would you handle this mother-in-law who thinks she runs the show?

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Mundane-Pollution 797. 1d AITAH for refusing to give birth without epidural?
    via u/Mundane-Pollution797
  • 02
    I (24F) found out this week that I am pregnant. Me and my husband have only been married for 3 months, so this pregnancy was unplanned and I'm still trying to process it, however I am willing to go through with it and we're both happy with the news. My MIL has been pressuring me as soon as I got married to have kids since her other son and DIL have suffered with miscarriages for the past 4 years so shes really persistent on wanting grandkids.
    via u/Mundane-Pollution797
  • 03
    Soon as I found out I was pregnant, my husband and I told my in laws about the news in hopes that they'll help us out with doctors and things of that nature since we're unprepared. Some friends and family came over last night because they heard about the news and were very excited for me and my husband. My husband's cousin is also currently pregnant, so her and I were talking a lot about everything going on for us. She was saying I need to get good health insurance before I give birth in order t
    via u/Mundane-Pollution797
  • 04
    aftercare etc, she was educating me lot and also told me that epidural costs too etc. My MIL heard her mention epidural and went on to say "well we won't be needing any of that anyway". I asked her what she meant and she says "The epidural is unnecessary and makes things way too easy, women should have their babies the way nature intended". I was in shock and so was everyone else in our living room. I naturally have a fear of child birth after the horror stories I've heard, so no epidural is out
    via u/Mundane-Pollution797
  • 05
    "straighten me out". My husband told her it's ridiculous to expect me to have a child with no pain relief and she responded with "Well, I guess a baby is having your baby". It's been 3 days and she refuses to speak to my husband or me. My husband is now telling me that in order to keep the peace and move along to just apologize to her and possibly reconsider the epidural. I told him I have nothing to apologize for since I didn't say anything wrong, and I will not be reconsidering my decision. He
    via u/Mundane-Pollution797
  • 06
    Beneficial_Noise_691 • 1d You know when people ask, "Are you prepared to die on this hill? NTA, this is a hill you fight and die on, do not give ground, explain to your currently husband that he now gets to decide if he is going to bacome father, or stay as a son. Tell him that, explain that marriages have died for less. He thinks I'm holding a grudge and being disrespectful because his mother "only wants what's best for the baby". It's not her ☐ baby, so he needs to step the Reply 2.7k
    via u/Beneficial_Noise_691
  • 07
    ConfuseableFraggle ⚫ 1d • Excellent choice of words! "Become a father or stay as a son" sums it up nicely! 913
    via u/ConfuseableFraggle
  • 08
    nervelli • 1d his mother "only wants what's best for the baby". No, she doesn't. She didn't even mention the baby (and epidurals don't hurt them anyway). What she wants is for OP to feel pain. She said as much. She thinks that nature intends for women to suffer, that it is inherent to our condition. It isn't.
    via u/nervelli
  • 09
    Nature doesn't intend anything. It just is. If nature had feelings (that were for some reason super misogynistic) a lot more animals would have difficulty childbirth. Humans only have a hard time because while our brains got bigger and we started walking upright, our skull size and pelvic shape didn't quite keep up with each other. But humans were still able to birth enough live young that evolution never needed to iron out the kinks. (And if nature did have intention, it would probably prefer w
    via u/nervelli
  • 10
    MIL opinion has nothing to do with nature, and everything to do with misguided old school misogyny. And she is wrong. Pain does not equate to piety, but compassion does. 443
    via u/nervelli
  • 11
    staffeylover • 1d I wonder how she gave birth to her darling son? Something tells me it wasn't whale song and birthing pools. Also keep MIL away from the delivery! ... ← 95
    via u/staffeylover
  • 12
    Fit_Detective_4920. 1d NTA. If "keeping the peace" involves allowing someone else to dictate how you GIVE BIRTH, that's not peace. I once read that there is a difference between "real peace" and "seething peace". Seething peace looks nice to outsiders, but everyone is secretly miserable and resentful. Eventually something blows up. Enabling MIL is seething peace. ... ← Reply 26.7k
    via u/Fit_Detective_4920
  • 13
    LokiPupper 1d • Yes, modern medical science = way lower maternal and infant mortality rates. So anyone opposed to them can go get bent! ... 148
    via u/LokiPupper
  • 14
    werewere-kokako • 1d OP wants what's best for the baby! Modern medicine is good for babies! Pain meds allow people to endure labour and keep pushing = good for baby! C-sections get distressed babies out before they die = good for baby! Painful, unassisted labour for three days = bad for baby! 394
    via u/werewere-kokako
  • 15
    FaeShroom • 1d If husband wants to keep the peace, he can tell his mother to shut the the peace her responsibility. ... and make keeping 2.9k
    via u/FaeShroom
  • 16
    Remdog58 1d Tell your husband to shut up and enjoy the peace of her not talking to you. ... Reply 15.8k
    via u/Remdog58
  • 17
    Gennywren ⚫ 1d See, I'd tell hubby to go slam his hand in the door. Then do it again, repeatedly, for the next couple hours. And no, he can't have so much as a tylenol. Then he can come tell me that I can't have an epidural. 2 2.7k
    via u/Gennywren
  • 18
    CosmosOZ 1d • It's disturbing MIL told her son to "straighten out" his wife. ... 350
    via u/CosmosOZ
  • 19
    Authentic_Jester • 1d Tell your husband that if he wants to remain your husband, he should start behaving like it, and if he wants to be a momma's boy, y'all can start discussing shared custody. Reply 911.7k
    via u/Authentic_Jester
  • 20
    thisbitch420 • 1d Nta. I was 23 when I had my first. My mil said something about not getting the epidural as well. I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "I'm getting all the drugs I can legally have when I go into labor". I got everything they would give me. That was 10 yrs ago and I don't regret a thing. Let your husband know when he has to carry, grow, and push the baby out he can do so with no epidural. Reply 391
    via u/thisbitch420
  • 21
    xanif. 1d Since she feels so strongly about doing things naturally, she's never taken any modern medicine, right? NTA Reply 1.2k
    via u/xanif
  • 22
    Every_Guard 1d • Welcome to motherhoods, where some of the most judgmental, toxic opinions you'll receive are from other mothers. I call this "Wombsplaining". Get the epidural if you feel like it. Don't if you don't feel like it. Your birth, your rules, screw everyone else's opinions (aside from your medical care team of course lol) Reply 12.1k
    via u/Every_Guard
  • 23
    Relevant_Demand7593. 1d NTA, your body your decisions. Don't let any of them bully you. I tried natural child birth, but after about 36 hours I caved and had an epidural. I was such an idiot, should have had one straight away! Reply 581
    via u/Relevant_Demand7593
  • 24
    Todd_and_Margo • 1d You did not cave. You changed your mind about what was best for you and your baby to ensure a safe and successful delivery. 368
    via u/Todd_and_Margo
  • 25
    Big-Explorer5376 • 1d You have the right to make decisions about your body and childbirth without being pressured into something you're uncomfortable with. It's important to set boundaries and ensure that your husband is supportive of your choices. ... Reply 402
    via u/Big-Explorer5376
  • 26
    hoginlly • 1d I had an unmedicated birth by choice because I was VERY lucky with how my labour went, and I would 100% reconsider the husband rather than the epidural here. I know Reddit has a reputation of going straight to divorce, but this is so ridiculously non negotiable I don't think I'm exaggerating.
    via u/hoginlly
  • 27
    MIL is a moron who doesn't realise every labour is different (or, more likely, doesn't care, and is just trying to flex over her DIL. 'Hey son, more women gave birth without drugs back in my day'. Yeah, more women died too). Husband is a spineless weasel who either thinks his wife's physical pain and safety is less important than his mother's butthurt feelings, or he's too stupid to know the difference. If he doesn't cop on to that ASAP, he is going to be less than useless during the cripplingly
    via u/hoginlly
  • 28
    What happens when MIL wants to be over all the time? And of course knows everything about what OP is doing wrong as a new mother? Either he shuts his mother down NOW, or he needs one of a reality check. Hopefully he's just stupid and will learn 195
    via u/hoginlly
  • 29
    pigeontheoneandonly 1d. • lol ten bucks says MIL did, in fact, have an epidural during her births ← 60
    via u/pigeontheoneandonly
  • 30
    Actual-Hamster4692 1d • NTA but make sure you let the nurses know that MIL is not allowed to be in the room when you go into labor. Who knows what she'll do. Reply 271
    via u/Actual-Hamster4692

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