Husband Demands Wife Pay to Renovate the House He Owns, She Refuses, Leading to a Legal Dispute

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Aug 2, 2024 7:00 PM EDT

If there is one thing that I am grateful for about getting married young, is that neither of us had money when we got married. I am fully aware that this sounds ridiculous to be grateful for, but the fact that we had almost the same starting point financially saved us from the pain of fighting about it.

Both of us being young and at the start of our careers allowed us to build our financial state together and as equals, so there were no accusations of one of us being a gold-digger, mostly because there was no gold to dig. And now, when each of us has a respectable career, we can navigate this financial journey together in a way that suits us both, without rivalry or bitterness.

It seems like there is quite a lot of financial rivalry and bitterness between the couple in this Reddit story. The main issue comes from the fact that the wife sold her own house and moved into her husband's, so she has no financial claim to his house. This causes a strain on how they choose to divide the responsibilities in their household which could lead to real marital issues.

Scroll down to read the full story. After you are done, click here for a story of a girlfriend who found out her boyfriend is a liar on his birthday.

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  • 01
    My husband (53M) wants me (44F) to pay for upgrades on a house I have no financial claim to. I'm not in the will. How do I respond?
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 02
    My husband (53M) and I (44F) have been married for 3 years (together for 5). When we got married, I sold my house (just broke even after realtor fees because I'd only owned it 3 years) and moved into his house
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 03
    that he owns, free & clear. We did sign a prenup before getting married, very simple, and just agreeing that real estate assets, financial assets and debts before marriage stay that way in the event of divorce.
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 04
    I suppose we didn't have a thorough enough discussion about household contribution expectations though. I was of the understanding that I'd move in and we'd just split the household expenses and carry on. Wrong. He
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 05
    expected that I would move in and start paying ALL the bills because I'm "saving money not having a mortgage." I'm not sure what that has to do with anything because he doesn't have a mortgage either,
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 06
    which I bring up every time we have this discussion. Doesn't compute with me at all. Because I still had to close on my house and pay some final bills there after I moved in with him, I didn't start paying anything
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 07
    at his house until my house matters were all final, so his unilateral financial decision about bills didn't come to a head until several months afterward. Anyway, I complied to avoid any argument
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 08
    and I transferred the bills into my name and started paying them. That's all been fine for the last few years. I work full-time in a professional position. I pay the utilities, trash,
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 09
    internet, combined car insurance, cable TV, combined cell phones, about half of the groceries, the property taxes (they're low). All of that is still less than my mortgage & bills were, so I do come out ahead, if you compare past to present (I
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 10
    believe this is an irrelevant comparison though). We kind of split entertainment & eating out, but I do believe I pay more there than he usually does. I also cook, clean, and do some outdoor chores like gardening, weeding, cleaning the pool, and I've mowed the lawn... once (haha).
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 11
    My husband is retired and gets a little retirement income of about $2k each month. He spends it around the property on upgrades & repairs, on groceries, gas, some of our entertainment, and lots of stupid (imo) stuff for himself -
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 12
    entertainment & shopping. He does some cooking, cleaning, and majority of the outdoor chores. We have children from previous marriages, but they're grown & gone. We still have separate bank
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 13
    accounts and finances; the bills are all in my name though (besides the property taxes), so I just pay them each month like I did when I was by myself. So here's the problem.... It has come up a couple of times recently
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 14
    that he wants me to pay for half of any house upgrades/repairs, like rotten siding, HVAC cleaning, new toilet, minor roof repair, paint, materials to repair a water leak; basically anything you'd buy at the
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 15
    hardware store, he thinks I should pay for half of. He does the repairs himself, so there's no labor costs. I told him I really don't think it's any of my responsibility to pay for upgrades to a house I have no financial interest in or claim to. To
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 16
    me, paying all the bills frees up his income to then pay for any upgrades he wants to do. This relationship goes sideways and I just have to walk away with nothing except the household goods I came with and maybe some furniture & appliances I bought over the last 3
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 17
    years, you know? He says everyone has to pay the same bills in life and he doesn't understand why I always bring that up when he asks me to pay for other stuff with the house. In his mind, those bills don't count because “everyone has them." He
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 18
    even called me a golddigger and he wasn't looking in the mirror when he said it. He's genuinely upset that I don't want to contribute to house repairs. I feel like I already contribute way more than my fair share; I believe we should be
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 19
    splitting ALL the bills and he should still pay for house upgrades until I've "earned" a spot in the will. He says things are going to change or I can just leave. I really do fail to see things from his perspective.
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 20
    How should I respond when he brings this up again? This whole thing is so bizarre and twilight-zone to me.
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 21
    AHeroToIdolize - 11 hr. ago He says things are going to change or I can just leave. Tell him that's a great idea and leave. LOL but seriously I think you paying all bills AND property taxes is crazy. He acts like a marriage isn't meant to be helpful. All of this rubs me the wrong way.
    via u/AHeroToIdolize
  • 22
    babybrookit421 · 11 hr. ago If I'm understanding, she also works full time AND does the majority of the work in the house? No ma'am.
    via u/babybrookit421
  • 23
    ThrowRA_noobie doobie OP · 11 hr. ago Rubs me the wrong way too because it's such a baffling conversation to keep having! That's why I took it to social to get feedback outside my bubble. Thanks for your comment!
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 24
    Middleagedcatlady6 11 hr. ago Girl, you pay property taxes on a house you don't own?? No. Absolutely not. And not renovating anything either unless he adds you to the deed. He's retired and 53 and his plan is to sponge off of you forever. And why do you pay his cell phone bill? None of this is ok.
    via u/Middleagedcatlady6
  • 25
    EngineeringDry7999 · 10 hr. ago . edited 7 hr. ago Fun fact. Paying the property tax can give you a case for commingling the asset and negating the pre-nup.
    via u/EngineeringDry7999
  • 26
    WantToBelieveInMagic 11 hr. ago No. Put a new deal on the table. You split household expenses 50/50, and he covers all housing costs OR you go on the deed, in which case you will consider contributing to repairs.
    via u/WantToBelieveInMagic
  • 27
    It sounds like he wants to protect his house to leave to his kids, but he can't afford it. If that's the case, in a way, you are spending your kids' inheritance on his. I know houses have gone up a lot in price, but if you can afford to buy, maybe you should. The day
    via u/WantToBelieveInMagic
  • 28
    may come when you lose him and your home, if not through divorce, then when his kids inherit. Or just get an apartment, enjoy your independence and be free of feeling used.
    via u/WantToBelieveInMagic
  • 29
    ThrowRA_noobie doobie OP. 11 hr. ago Very good point about spending my kids' inheritance on his kids. That's essentially what this is. He's asking me to pay for repairs so his kids get the most money for it when they sell it after he croaks.
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie
  • 30
    Dapper_dreams87 · 11 hr. ago Honestly it just sounds like he married you to help him pay for his life. 629 Reply Share ThrowRA_noobie doobie OP. 11 hr. ago Sugar Mama.
    via u/Dapper_dreams87
  • 31
    • Purple_Bowling_Shoes 11 hr. ago No. You're paying all the bills already, which is [ . Tell him if he thinks things should be split equally then they need to be split equally across the board. If he won't budge I'd start planning an exit.
    via u/Purple_Bowling_Shoes
  • 32
    Does he even like you? Springing on you that the bills were your responsibility and calling you a gold digger... that's not OK.
    via u/Purple_Bowling_Shoes
  • 33
    ThrowRA_noobie doobie OP. 11 hr. ago Right?!? Like I'm the LITERAL opposite of a golddigger. He's confused about who he's talking to. There ain't any gold to be dug here. Thanks for your comment!
    via u/ThrowRA_noobiedoobie

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