Woman Reconsiders Marrying Her Fiancé After Finding Out They Are His Mother’s Retirement Fund, Putting Financial Strain on Their Future

Advertisement
  • 01
    r/AITAH 13 hr. ago TopEmu7119 WIBTA if I 29F call off my engagement to my 36M fiance because his family have become involved in our finances.
  • 02
    TLDR: me 29F and my fiancé 36M want to start a life together and buy a house/ have kids but his family are getting increasingly involved in our relationship especially financially, I worry what strain this will put on our relationship in the future, his mom also has no retirement fund and I recently learnt that WE are her retirement fund.
  • 03
    Me and my fiancé have been together for 3 years and got engaged last year. We are wanting to start a life together such as buy a house get married and start a family etc.
  • 04
    However over the last year my fiance and his brother has had to help each month with his moms bills as she doesnt make enough from her job to cover everything.
  • 05
    I've since also learnt that she doesn't have a retirement as she got divorced 20 years ago and was a stay at home mom. 1. So my first worry is that my fiance is financially enmeshed with his family/mom, and this seems like it's going to be an on going thing for the rest of her life.
  • 06
    I'm worried how this will affect us and our relationship, I also worry I'll feel resentful for her taking away from our family and future kids and what strain that will put on my and my finances relationship, as I feel there will be money stress.
  • 07
    2. The second problem is his brother rang him the other day and wanted to ask all these questions about our finances, how much him and I earn together, how we handle/split our finances, what kind of house we are going to buy, and he said that we shouldn't buy an expensive house with our money because
  • 08
    we shouldn't buy an expensive house with our money because then that might mean he has to step up more and give their mom more money. He also was questioning his decision to marry me and buy a house together because my fiance has been divorced before, so was very insulting.
  • 09
    The problem with that is me and my fiancé have had countless in depth conversations about our budget and what we can afford and what we want to buy/want to be paying each month. So we have been looking at houses in that budget. But since the conversation with his brother he tells me that he thinks we should
  • 10
    be going for a cheaper place. because cause he doesnt want us to be paying that much anymore, but claims it has nothing to do with the conversation with his brother but I feel like it's a lie.
  • 11
    So I really need some advice please on what to do as I feel really conflicted about our marriage now, I don't feel like it's us against the world, I feel like I'm third wheeling with his family and they're also a part of our relationship, telling us what to do with our lives and our finances. And I worrying about marrying
  • 12
    into this situation, and the negative affects and strain this will put on our relationship.
  • 13
    I also want a family of my own and I don't see how it's not going to add stress to us, by us having to be his mom's retirement fund. Because she is only going to keep needing more money and at the moment it's $700 a month she needs.
  • 14
    I also come from a family who had financial stress and it was the reason for divorce of my parents. And I don't want to make the same mistake, help please
  • 15
    AlwaysHelpful22 • 13h ago I think you know what you need to do. This situation is a burden now, and will only grow with time. Don't wait until you're married (and things get worse). Now is the time to move on if that's your choice. NTA
  • 16
    LimpFootball7019 • 13h ago My in-laws caused so many problems in my marriage. I resented them for years. They hurt and humiliated me, but expected my compliance with their demands. After 30 years of marriage, I was dumped.
  • 17
    They were delighted. Save yourself. Don't marry into this mess.
  • 18
    Realistic-Animat... • 12h ago Not only will he fund his mother, either he or his brother will end up having her move in at some point because it will be cheaper. NTA
  • 19
    Odd-End-1405 • 12h ago Money issues are one of the top reasons for divorce. The mere fact that there is an expectation that your earnings are now part of what his family feels entitled to prior to your marriage, does not bode well.
  • 20
    This is going to impact your financial future and will cause significant issues down the road. Your fiancé has shown that he will put his birth family. ahead of you already. RUN
  • 21
    No_Tough3666 • 12h ago Red flags all over. When you have a child with this man and can't buy diapers because grandma needs money what are you going to say? Run run as fast as you can. Money is just part of it. The bigger issue is Mama wants control
  • 22
    Strange Botwin7 • 13h ago You already know what to do. NTA. Maintain your financial agency.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article