'My wife is giving me an ultimatum- the cat or her': Wife Gets Stressed Whenever Their Sick Senior Cat Hisses at Her, Demands That Her Husband Get Rid of It

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Aug 7, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

Look, pleasing a cat is hard work. And it's our own fault. Our cats are so very spoiled. We give them everything that they want, so… if we are just a little bit off, if we are a mere five minutes late to breakfast, they will be disappointed in us. But we work hard to serve them as best as we can. Because our cats may be spoiled, but we do not want them to be grumpy. We want those chaotic little rays of sunshine to be the happiest little creatures, because when our cats are happy, we are happy. It's as simple as that. 

So, can we relate to this wife for being frustrated when her cat hisses at her? Yeah, for sure. Getting hissed at is the worst. But is she overreacting by demanding that her husband get rid of the cat… mostly because the cat hisses at her? We sure think so. 

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  • 01
    Posted by u/Conspiraphe 1 day ago AITA for keeping a cat around that causes undue stress on my wife?
    via u/Conspiraphe

    Honestly, this is a difficult one. Because we're not sure that either one of them is wrong. The cat chose one of them and seems to have chosen the other a little bit less. That's sad, but what can you do about it? Getting rid of the cat seems like a bit of an overreaction. 

  • 02
    Two years ago, my wife pushed really hard to get a furry animal for her birthday. She wanted a dog but we live in an apartment and are away for most of the day so we compromised on a cat, which my wife has never had.
    via u/Conspiraphe

    Some people might think that having this reaction just because your cat hisses at you is an overreaction too, but we don't think so. When our cat hisses at us, we walk around, defeated, all day long. We can't help it. We don't want them to be mad. But we would never get rid of them because of it. 

  • 03
    I want to stress that I did not want us to get a furry animal, out of a fear of their lifetime bills, but accept that in a marriage you sometimes have to compromise. We decided to adopt a senior cat that was very sweet. She loves attention and playing, and has a very funny personality.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 04
    Now this cat has some issues. She was involved in a house fire that burned most of her ears off and caused damage to her nasal passages. As a result she sneezes a lot, with full on boogers streaks, and looks a bit off all the time.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 05
    The boogers thing upsets my wife, so I try to clean it when I notice it, but it happens pretty regularly, and I don't always catch it immediately since i'm not always around. This cat is also a bit messy and can sometimes track a bit of poop out of her box. I want to stress that this is rare, but it's probably happened six or so times in the last two years we've had her. I clean it up whenever I realize it has happened.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 06
    Now the big one. She hisses at my wife. Not all the time though. She will beg for treats from my wife, ask for pets from my wife, and even lies next to my wife.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 07
    It's only when my wife is holding something in her hand and walking around. It's a super odd tick, and she's never scratched or bit anyone in fear, but this really upsets my wife. Tonight one hiss “ruined" my wife's night and she decided to go to bed early despite being in an amazing mood before it.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 08
    I'm stuck because my wife is at her breaking point. She works long hours and feels like she can't relax in our apartment because of the cat. She wants to give her back to an animal rescue. However, in a bizarre twist of irony, that cat is my best buddy. She warmed up to me, trusts me, and runs up to me when I come home. I'd go so far as to say she is my favorite pet I have ever owned.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 09
    My wife wants her gone, but I think she'll die there if we give her to a rescue. She's old and not the most pleasant to look at. The thought of our cat suffering her last days out in fear and loneliness makes me legitimately want to cry. I'm caught in the middle.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 10
    Tonight we got into a fight about the whole thing as my wife is giving me an ultimatum. The cat or her. I told her I'd do more research than I've already done and see if I can resolve these behavioral issues but, again, my wife feels like I am not validating her feelings by not taking the cat somewhere else. I've tried offering to do everything for the cat (I do for the most part anyway) but my wife says she can't relax with her around and that she's got to go.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 11
    Reddit, AITA for not getting rid of this cat that acts aggressively towards my wife?
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 12
    • Apart-Ad-6518 1 day ago · edited 1 day ago Commander in Cheeks [200] NAH However, in a bizarre twist of irony, that cat is my best buddy. She warmed up to me, trusts me, and runs up to me when I come home. I'd go so far as to say she is my favorite pet I have ever owned."
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
  • 13
    Cat owner here. That poor little puss has been through terrible trauma already & kudos to you for adopting her. More so if you live in a Kill Shelter country. Very gently, she may not have been the best choice as a present. Having said that, they say cats choose the people they want to be with. I've always been "chosen" by cats with trauma when I've gone to get one from a shelter. Luckily they've all taken to my SO.
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
  • 14
    If your wife really cant live with this cat, could you give her to someone you trust to care for her to live out her days in peace, love & security? My heart goes out to you here. I get your wife doesn't want her & there's no blame there but this cat loves you after all she's been through & it sounds like it's going to break your heart & hers if you have to give her up. 291 Reply Share
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
  • 15
    Conspiraphe OP. 1 day ago I agree on the present thing, but it was hard to know that at the time! As I'm sure you know as a fellow cat owner it takes time for their personalities to come out! Unfortunately virtually everyone I know either can't take her, or is a cat lover to the point that it is unhealthy due to the large number of cats they own.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 16
    I really don't know what to do to alleviate the situation. I've tried talking to my wife about possible solutions but I think she's past it. It's gotten to the point that she's talked about separating after our lease is up because I won't part with our cat. 63 Reply Share
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 17
    chaenukyun · 1 day ago Enthusiast [9] You were worried about a lifetime of vet bills (which is fair), but you chose a senior cat with visible disabilities/past trauma...sound. You also commented the cat had a host of issues (severe dental issues, kidney disease and worms). I think you were both irresponsible in choosing an animal and should've waited longer to find a different cat tbh. Should've tried fostering to see what would work best.
    via u/chaenukyun
  • 18
    The last line you're asking if you're the AH for not getting rid of this cat that acts aggressively towards your wife, well...yes. The cat is bonded and elderly, so rehoming will be challenging. I also think that returning the cat to the shelter isnt the best move, this isn't something as simple as returning a shirt. I do think you're not being fully understanding or empathetic towards your wife or trying to find reasonable solutions. 117 Reply Share
    via u/chaenukyun
  • 19
    Conspiraphe OP. 1 day ago Funny thing about that! We were told she was four when we adopted her. Turns out they were 8 years off and she is 12! The disability we were told was only physical, but found to also extend to her nose. The worms and kidney disease were also not disclosed. We realized she had worms when she, well, started worms, and the kidney disease we found shortly after adopting her on her first vet visit.
    via u/Conspiraphe
  • 20
    I have tried reprimanding the cat, using hormones on the cat's environment, and using different anxiety meds for the cat, but nothing has worked yet. It's gotten a bit better, but only slightly. 44 Reply Share
    via u/Conspiraphe

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