40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (August 10, 2024)

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  • 01
    Meg @megannn_lynne "Taco Bell isn't even good" Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone 6:33 PM 8/5/24 From Earth - 1.5M Views 6.6K Reposts 351 Quotes
  • 02
    Mike Chase @TheMikeChase Was very impressed with the air and space museum. Was not expecting all the planes. I thought it was just going to be a big empty building based on the name. But I get it now. . 7:19 PM 8/4/24 From Earth ⚫ 1M Views . 2.5K Reposts 38 Quotes 46K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 03
    annie @soychotic Not sure what u guys are talking abt ? ? my stocks are doing just fine 9:08 1 MyM 46474 pts View history 1500 3000 4500 6000 . 9:10 AM 8/5/24 From Earth ⚫ 3.1M Views 1.7K Reposts 117 Quotes 40K Likes 560 Bookmarks
  • 04
    Jamie Weir @jamiecweir What's most impressive about Mondo Duplantis is how he turned his family's humble Chicago sandwich place into a fine dining restaurant BBC SWEDEN 3:42 PM 8/5/24 From Earth 1.6M Views • 2.7K Reposts 429 Quotes 39K Likes 1.1K Bookmarks
  • 05
    STOP DatNoFact (@datnofact.bsky.social) @datnofact hello I'm new to the stock market is it good when the intel ceo starts praying intel Pat Gelsinger @PGelsinger. 1d "Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways" Proverbs 4:25-26 5:41 PM 8/4/24 5.5M Views 10K Reposts 263 Quotes 98K Likes 4K Bookmarks
  • 06
    T_p_tio @Txp_RBI_Xctuxl The Intel CEO is posting scripture. intel Pat Gelsinger @PGelsinger - 22h "Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways" Proverbs 4:25-26 11:35 PM 8/4/24 From Earth 2.6M Views • 4.5K Reposts 184 Quotes
  • 07
    Josh @joshnorthsouth My mom called me and told me how much she likes watching Snoop Dogg at the Olympics and I had to remind her that she grounded me for buying his CD once 9:36 PM 7/31/24 From Earth • 7.1M Views 7.9K Reposts 337 Quotes
  • 08
    Austine @theereal_one Those animals don't even hang out together this is nuts Araaa @shawntifying.2d Double filet o fish add bacon
  • 09
    adam @shukran____ we will liberate & acquire the brisket sandwich, inshallah التوحيد | والجهاد 32 والجهاد 11:49 AM - 8/2/24 From Earth · 3.8M Views 7.7K Reposts 221 Quotes 99K Likes 7.8K Bookmarks
  • 10
    Eric Hoke (is writing a book). @erichoke Vacation with kids isn't vacation. It's an away game. In the rain. At high altitude. And you're losing. 10:21 AM 8/2/24 From Earth • 1.2M Views
  • 11
    Rodger Sherman ❤ @rodger (Simone Biles does the most incredible thing you've ever seen a human do) NBC PRODUCER: OK great now cut to Evil Travolta. Give me Evil Travolta on 1 ASAP WOMEN'S VAULT - FINAL LIVE 10:58 AM 8/3/24 From Earth • 1M Views 1.5K Reposts 85 Quotes 35K Likes 540 Bookmarks
  • 12
    Barlow Adams @BarlowAdams I have taken to with scam texts. It is my only joy during a dark period. < +1 (210) 775-5661 > Text Message Today 4:10 PM Long time no see, my friend. How are you? Things have been hard this winter. Bears took my two youngest. The gruel has run dry. Plague ravages the village. The war rages on. I have an odd rash in a sensitive place. Oh! Sorry. I'm Mia Jolie, isn't this Anna's number? The bears got Anna as well. I'm so sorry. But at least she was spared the ravages of
  • 13
    big boy online @idonotbleed My latest invention: Double Lunch. I prepare myself a lunch and before I eat it, I prepare myself a whole separate lunch. Then I eat both of them. Double Lunch 1:45 PM 8/1/24 From Earth. 2.5M Views 2.2K Reposts 655 Quotes
  • 14
    C. E. Aubin @ceaubin THE HORSES SHOULD GET THE MEDALS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKE COACHES • 11:42 PM 8/1/24 From Earth . 2.6M Views 15K Reposts 313 Quotes 0603
  • 15
    Stacey J. Spiehler @StaceyJSpiehler Olympics announcer before Simone Biles' floor exercise: "this is the kinda thing you'll talk to your kids about." My dad, after Simone Biles' floor exercise: "I guess I gotta talk to you about that floor exercise." Holding that in for 2 minutes won him the dad joke gold. . 11:39 PM 7/30/24 From Earth 1.6M Views 5.1K Reposts 90 Quotes 144K Likes 1.7K Bookmarks
  • 16
    pj @pjayevans Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy Derek charge his wife for martinis 1:49 PM 4/19/23 From Earth 674K Views • • 1.4K Reposts 97 Quotes 19K Likes 108 Bookmarks
  • 17
    emi @emimayb it's insane how close the meteor was to hitting the visitor center CHAVEZ PASS RD i Meteor Crater Visitor Center Meteor Crater Visitor Center Visitor Center Coconino County, Arizona 1 2D Z PA W METEOR CRATER R 1 40° AQI 46-> Directions Call Website More
  • 18
    Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969 when unicorns get really drunk • 12:31 PM 8/1/24 11K Views 75 Reposts 390 Likes 6 Bookmarks
  • 19
    kim @KimmyMonte {notices you're wearing silver earrings} sorry your ears came in 2nd • 5:58 PM 8/1/24 674 Views 3 Reposts 20 Likes
  • 20
    chuck @crowcialist Something deeply sinister about in-flight WiFi. Violates the separation of powers between Land and Sky. Don't like it 10:54 AM 7/31/24 From Earth ⚫ 1M Views 3.1K Reposts 154 Quotes 62K Likes 1.1K Bookmarks
  • 21
    Sylvian (#1 Skinamarink Fan) @crowcialist fx is currently showing iron man 2 and my wife just asked me if this was actually happening LIVE LT. COL. JAMES RHODES C-SPAN USAF Weapons Procurement Liaison FX SAMSUNG 7:24 PM 8/1/24 From Earth - 455K Views 2K Reposts 62 Quotes 36K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 22
    Meg + @mxgbx people who work from home looove to be like 'did you watch the olympics today' 12:15 PM 7/31/24 From Earth • 2M Views 2.8K Reposts 963 Quotes
  • 23
    Pavel @es_aion just a little prank "As a joke, Arthur Conan Doyle once sent five letters to five friends that read, "We are discovered, flee immediately", to see what they would do. One of them disappeared and Conan Doyle never saw him again." - QI (E Series - Espionage) it's worth mentioning that those friends were people in high places in the government. 5:38 AM 7/31/24 From Earth 623K Views • 2.8K Reposts 74 Quotes 39K Likes 2.3K Bookmarks
  • 24
    furiosarah @slothanova I need the people to know that olympic silver medalist giorgia villa is sponsored by parmesan cheese and regularly posts pics of herself with giant wheels of cheese . 12:14 PM 7/31/24 1.3M Views 5.1K Reposts 1.4K Quotes
  • 25
    Tank.Sinatra @GeorgeResch We know he can swim but... CAN Richard FUNK 3 3:13 PM 7/28/24 8.7M Views 23K Reposts 543 Quotes
  • 26
    Joyce ON! @Etrouse DREAMCON! The US came dead last in shooting and I've genuinely never been so embarrassed to be an American in my life. 3:16 PM 7/30/24 From Earth - 5.9M Views 18K Reposts 2.8K Quotes
  • 27
    Courtney McGregor OLY @courtneymcgym football players when there's a gust of wind vs. gymnasts after they smash their face into the bar .• 3:48 PM 7/30/24 From Earth 1.4M Views 7.2K Reposts 562 Quotes .
  • 28
    Slazac @TrueSlazac There is no way the 2028 games in Los Angeles will look half as good when their best monument is a walmart or something FRA 0.5M/S 2:10 PM 7/30/24 From Earth 2.3M Views 5.7K Reposts 575 Quotes 72K Likes 4K Bookmarks
  • 29
    fraser ramon @SteveMerkle9 This is the flag of Massachusetts RA PARIS 2024 5:59 PM 7/30/24 From Earth 824K Views • 1.2K Reposts 112 Quotes 24K Likes 632 Bookmarks
  • 30
    Megan @MegWritesBooks Obsessed with this guy on the US men's gymnastics team who's only job is pommel horse, so he just sits there until he's activated like a sleeper agent, whips off his glasses like Clark Kent and does a pommel horse routine that helps deliver the team its first medal in 16 years. MEN'S TEAM FINAL ROTATION 6 1 JAPAN UKRAINE 3 ITALY 7 UNITED STATES 230.595 226.895 221.928 215.327 . 2:39 PM 7/29/24 From Earth • 12M Views 28K Reposts 1.5K Quotes LIVE
  • 31
    marie + @hanyuchopin obsessed with this one guy on the US men's gymnastics team who looks like he's getting his phd in anthropology and his only job is pommel horse 1:43 PM 7/29/24 From Earth 1.1M Views 1.5K Reposts 212 Quotes 33K Likes 1.2K Bookmarks
  • 32
    frye ❤ @____frye kindle or hardcover? amazon drives a hard bargain Kindle Hardcover $7.99 (Earn 24 pts) $3,776.06 (Earn 200 pts) Other Used from $3,776.06 ✓ Buy used: $3,77606 $3.99 delivery August 3 - 5. Details 12:34 PM 7/28/24 From Earth 9.3K Views . 5 Reposts 1 Quote 536 Likes 5 Bookmarks
  • 33
    Abarai @SABO_SHINJI4 It's over for other countries in the Olympics Light YAGAMI Allenatore • . 1:43 AM 7/29/24 From Earth • 4M Views 16K Reposts 980 Quotes
  • 34
    Transfer Portal @NCAAPortal My toxic trait is thinking I can call 8 of my boys tonight and field an Olympic team in whatever this is 900 OLYMPIC GAMES DEN FRA 18 17 1:56 30:44 2ND PARIS 2024 880 PARIS 20281 MORKEREN PRAIS 202 PARIS 2024 43 10:14 PM 7/27/24 From Earth • 2.1M Views
  • 35
    Jeff Ewing @ReelJeffEwing eric van allen @seamoosi 23h apparently horses don't get medals in the olympics and i think that's kinda up 1:12 PM 7/29/24 From Earth 6.2M Views 34K Reposts 53 Quotes 297K Likes 4K Bookmarks
  • 36
    Meech @MediumSizeMeech Ralph Lauren's son David Lauren married a woman named Lauren Bush (her uncle is George W) and she took his last name so now her name is Lauren Lauren. What the 099 5:56 PM 7/28/24 179K Views •
  • 37
    Frances Klein @fklein907 There needs to be a word for the subtle hints you drop into conversation with the other parents on a play date to try and figure out if they're normal or not 6:29 PM 7/27/24 From Earth • 2.7M Views 552 Reposts 116 Quotes 38K Likes 2K Bookmarks
  • 38
    Tom Zohar @TomZohar I love watching old episodes of Supermarket Sweep because these two just said they're "business partners” who “design sets for plays" and I'm like oh I'm sure TIM MARK BUZZR • 11:54 AM 7/28/24 From Earth • 1M Views 2.3K Reposts 90 Quotes 47K Likes 1.7K Bookmarks
  • 39
    Billy @_billyreid Olympic athlete: *Makes one tiny mistake* Me: "Pathetic" • 6:40 AM 7/28/24 From Earth 1.6M Views 5.1K Reposts 270 Quotes 53K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 40
    Danny McGinlay @dannymcginlay Surely one of these blokes has an unfair advantage on the water? #Olympics2024 GER J. CHRIST/S. KRUSE 88 Stan SPORT Concept 5:23 AM 7/28/24 From Earth 1.7M Views • . 3.1K Reposts 179 Quotes 62K Likes 1.8K Bookmarks
  • 41
    mrs papaw @mrsballs69 Now we're asking the real questions n? r/Spanish 1d When flirting with older women, should I use tu or usted? 12:40 AM 7/27/24 From Earth • 4.3M Views 8.1K Reposts 827 Quotes
  • 42
    i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan duck @imdrinkinwine. 2d dogs kinda fell off. owning a dog is in its flop era 4:50 PM 8/4/24 From Earth. 12M Views 41K Reposts 224 Quotes
  • 43
    Abby Barr @1AbbyRoad so Steve Martin is definitely gonna play Walz on SNL right 9:06 AM 8/6/24 From Earth 4.5M Views 3.4K Reposts 460 Quotes 86K Likes 1K Bookmarks

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