'My boss then said it was something I had to attend': Employee turns down dinner with colleagues on the final night of their business trip, boss promises consequences

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Aug 23, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

Imagine having to endure a week with your most difficult and annoying coworkers only to be reprimanded when you finally take the opportunity to enjoy a night off.

This employee was dragged to a week-long work conference where he was attending meetings and events on the clock for full days of work. Those hours of work were followed by endless meals and cocktails with his team. On the final night of the trip, the employee was excited to see that there was no after-work meal scheduled. He planned to use the evening to get some rest and catch up with his wife virtually. 

Unfortunately, that seemed to be an issue for everyone else on the team. In fact, the employee's boss made him cancel those plans he made with his wife for an unscheduled dinner because apparently, it was tradition for everyone to go out on the final night. Look, socializing with your teammates can be important, but if you're having to repeatedly sacrifice your free time to do unpaid networking, you're going to start to resent your coworkers and employers more than anything else. 

Keep scrolling below for the full story. For more, check out this post about an employee who got back at his boss for replacing him with nepo babies. 

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  • 01
    "I didn't want to go to dinner with [my coworkers] again"
    via The Climate Reality Project
  • 02
    AITA for telling my coworkers that I didn't want to go to dinner with them again because I prefer my wife's company to theirs?
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 03
    Unfortunately, I [47M] was roped into going to a work conference recently. I am a remote worker, but sadly I was told that I needed to attend a conference that many of my coworkers go to each year due to how integral my duties were to this year's presentation, I suppose.
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 04
    I am not buddy-buddy with any of my coworkers or my boss, but I am professional with them. This was the first work conference I had ever been to, so I did not realize how much these things consume
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 05
    the entirety of the time spent there. The first three nights of the conference there were different dinners I "had" to attend after typical work hours and when over 8 hours had been spent doing work related things at the conference already.
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 06
    Now, I don't really mind attending the actual conference that much, what I mind is the expectation that I spend any more time with my colleagues than necessary. In my opinion, if I've spent 8:30 - 5 at a work conference with coworkers
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 07
    attending work-related sessions and giving a work-related presentation, past 5 o'clock I am no longer "at work." I was already rather peeved that this was not the expectation at the start, but I was at least informed of these three different formal/scheduled dinners once the conference schedule was released.
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 08
    The fourth and final night of the conference I expected would be completely mine because there was no conference-wide scheduled dinner. As such, the night before when I called my wife, I asked her if she wanted to eat dinner together (i.e. video call each other
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 09
    and eat together, then spend as many hours as possible chatting before going to bed), and she said that sounded lovely. We made plans to call at 7 our time (6 where the conference was), and I was really looking forward to it, as obviously I love her and her company.
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 10
    Unfortunately, at lunch on the final day of the conference, my coworkers (my boss included) mentioned going to a specific restaurant. They asked if I was excited to go, and I said I was not going, but I hoped they enjoyed
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 11
    themselves. They acted like I smacked them, and asked what I meant. I told them I'd made plans to call my wife and eat dinner with her.
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 12
    I was then informed that, apparently, there is some tradition of all my coworkers eating dinner together the last night. I said I wasn't informed and we had already eaten dinner together every other night, but I hoped they
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 13
    enjoyed themselves. My boss then said it was something I had to attend, then some of my coworkers agreed and said it was an important part of the conference.
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 14
    I told my boss and coworkers that it was outside work hours, unpaid, and not scheduled, plus I prefer my wife's company to theirs, so I was not going. They then told me I was being r and an hole,
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 15
    and that I should have expected that we would all dine together the final night. I said that was ridiculous, but my boss implied that not attending would have repercussions, so I called my wife and apologized to her, and sadly attended this stupid dinner. AITA?
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 16
    Cultural_Section_862. 18 hr. ago incredibly naive but NTA, that's how confrences go. more career moves are made at those dinners than in the conference room believe it or not
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 17
    Aggressive-Mind-2085. 17 hr. ago "more career moves are made at those dinners than in the conference room".. OP chose to do the exact opposite and ruined all networks he might have had, and destroyed all goodwill that might have existed.
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 18
    Bubbafett33 15 hr. ago This. I'd say NTA assuming you are fine with never, ever getting a raise or promotion. You cannot decline these things AND expect bosses to see you as promotion material. Just the way it is.
    via Misanthropic_Lemon
  • 19
    Seriously, they wanted to take you to a nice restaurant for free food and drink for too many days in a row...and that's the problem?
    via Misanthropic_Lemon

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