Woman Is Fed up With ‘Stubborn Fiancé’[s]’ Inability To Do the One Wedding Planning Task She Asked of Him, Contemplates Giving Up

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 29, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Wedding planning can be very rewarding when you set a schedule for yourself. Though rewarding, the act of planning an extravagant event like a wedding ceremony and reception can also be immensely frustrating. This frustration can be doubled or tripled factoring in a destination wedding, as there is more uncertainty and room for mistakes when you're not familiar with the destination. 

Having a partner who helps split up the wedding planning tasks with you is comforting and allows both parties to feel like they're being supported by the other. When you have a partner who is not pulling their weight, you begin to wonder if this is just the beginning of the end. Will it always be like this? Am I making a mistake?

The woman in this story is dealing with an otherwise perfect husband, but he cannot for the life of him manage to do the one thing his fiancée asks of him: sorting out the beverages for their wedding, as they have a "blank venue" and have to hire dining staff separately. The engaged couple is from the UK and is having their ceremony in France, so the woman is trying to get the wedding sorted out in advance so they can ensure they're paying appropriate prices for everything. Her fiancé said he would handle the beverage situation but has not figured it out for months despite her politely asking him to do so. She gives him a comparison about how he would not treat a coworker this way (as in, pushing deadlines further back) and the husband loses it on her.

Scroll to read the rest of the story, and additionally, some comments from fellow brides who are validating her frustration.

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    Cheezburger Image 10395686912
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    Stubborn fiancé Tough Times Has anyone dealt with their fiancé being (for lack of a better word) a stubborn when it comes to wedding planning?
    via Ginge-24
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    I have sorted pretty much everything. I have done all the research, all the liaising with vendors and contacts, putting quotes together. Put all the options in front of him so we can make a decision together. For the most part, he has been receptive to that.
    via Ginge-24
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    The only thing left to arrange is beverages. We have a completely blank venue so we have to source the drinks, glassware, garnishes and servers. I went away to get some quotes which was on the expensive side but we had time to find other options.
    via Ginge-24
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    He decided to take it upon himself to sort the beverages. I was reluctant to let him do so because I knew what would happen. He will totally forget and then by the time he remembers (if I didn't remind him) it'll be too late and we might not he able to find anyone, or only be left to spend way more than we wanted to.
    via Ginge-24
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    A family friend of his reached out to say they know people in the region were having the wedding who may be able to help out. I left it with my fiancé to get in contact and follow up. This was 2 months ago and he's not reported back with anything. Last Wednesday, I
    via Ginge-24
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    asked him if he'd reached out to them. "No, I'll do it tomorrow". This has followed with me checking up with him every single day since and it's the same response from him. I just asked again and he said "no, I haven't. What's the big deal, we have just under a year to go".
    via Ginge-24
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    This man cannot comprehend that planning a wedding takes a couple of years to plan. I think he thinks if he enquires for somewhere the month before, it'll be sorted.
    via Ginge-24
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    Well I lost my He is very passionate about his job which I love about him, he's successful. And I said to him "if someone at work asked you to do something, would you say to them what you've been saying to me? I doubt it". And he lost his me back. at
    via Ginge-24
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    I'm so frustrated. It takes less than 30 seconds for him to reach out. And he point blank refuses and I cannot for the life of me come up with a logical reason as to why. How can I make him understand that these things needs to be sorted? I'm close to saying I'm
    via Ginge-24
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    not mentioning this anymore, this is totally on you now. If it's not sorted, you can either serve all of our guests drinks all day, or pay yourself for the most expensive companies.
    via Ginge-24
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    EDIT I am editing to clarify here, we're a UK couple getting married in France. We started planning September 2023, for our September 2025 wedding. Respectfully, not every country and every couple has a budget to be able to plan a wedding in less than 12 months as some have suggested. Please consider that your wedding situation may be different for others.
    via Ginge-24
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    Also, as I mentioned, we have a BLANK venue, it's an Airbnb which we're turning into a wedding. We have to source everything down to staff, knives, forks and toilet paper. This adds additional tasks most weddings wouldn't even need to think about and requires more complex planning. All of which, I have been responsible for and done, plus I enjoyed doing.
    via Ginge-24
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    . red_baby2 4h ago Scottish bride of 2024, who got married in France here! I am really frustrated reading some replies to your post. We had a similar venue structure and we planned 2.5 years out and this was with a planner. A lot of our first choice vendors were booked 2 years out in
    via red_baby2
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    France and our planner spent a lot of time finding suitable people. Our planner is French and she said 2 years for wedding planning in France is standard because of how busy the industry is there. It's even more restrictive for couples who need English speaking vendors etc.
    via red_baby2
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    Your timelines seem very sensible, and it gives time without panic last minute so well done to you. I would also suggest what others have said, perhaps sit him down and agree a timeframe for him to reach out and then agree when it's appropriate for you to follow up. Girl, hats off to you for organising this without a planner!
    via red_baby2
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    . Living Raisin 5h ago It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of frustration, and it's completely understandable given how much effort you've already put into the wedding planning. It can be really challenging when your partner doesn't seem to share the same sense of urgency or responsibility.
    via LivingRaisin
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    One approach might be to have a calm, honest conversation with your fiancé about how his lack of follow-through is affecting you. Explain that while you appreciate his willingness to take on the task, the delays. are causing you stress and could potentially impact the wedding. Maybe you could set a specific deadline together for when the
    via LivingRaisin
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    beverage arrangements need to be finalized, and agree on a plan to follow up. If he still doesn't take action, it might be worth considering your idea of letting him handle it entirely, with the understanding that any last-minute issues will be his responsibility to resolve. This could help him understand the importance of timely planning.
    via LivingRaisin
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    Remember, it's important to support each other and communicate openly, especially during such a significant time in your lives. Good luck, and I hope everything comes together smoothly!
    via LivingRaisin
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    privatethrowaway324 • 2h ago I don't understand why you're marrying someone that behaves like this. He is choosing to be irresponsible and not care about the wedding. It's not like he doesn't have. access to google or Reddit, he doesn't have to plan everything, but knowing the basics of what needs to be done is out there. If you really can't trust him to handle beverages that's a MASSIVE red flag.
    via privatethrowaway324
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    Alpen Brezel • 2h ago Yes. My fiancé is the exact same. I have started explaining to him how we have missed out on things like venues etc by being slow, and he is starting to come around. We've been engaged since Valentine's day and are only
    via AlpenBrezel
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    going to view our first venue this week... The only things we have organised are the church, flights and accommodation for my immediate family, and the bridesmaid's shoes. He really only seemed to understand when his married friend told him he was "crazy" leaving it so late to book a venue, and
    via AlpenBrezel
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    then the first 3 we looked into laughed at us and he's still moving way too slowly imo Unfortunately he is like this with everything in life, and I have just learned to accept it.
    via AlpenBrezel

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