'She said I probably look really good underneath the fat': Aunt buys 18-year-old niece a subscription to Weight Watchers for her birthday after making fun of her weight, parents tell her to just accept it

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 30, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

The motivation to lose weight can't come from somebody else; it has to come from within. It can be frustrating to know that you're overweight and to be constantly reminded of it by the people around you. They act as if you don't know that you're overweight like you don't feel the social and somatic consequences of this situation every time you leave your house. Skinny people can act like they're the first people in the world who ever thought about you losing weight, and they impart this insight as if it's of international import. This kind of advice communicates that they see you as fat first and as a person second. 

There can be a kinder, gentler way to encourage weight loss, especially if one has expressed interest in doing so, but humiliating them on their special day is not one of those ways. One teenage girl recently learned how far her aunt would go to bug her about her weight.

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    Cheezburger Image 10396734464
    via AllGo - An App For Plus Size People

    Photo does not depict the real subjects in this story

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    AITA for refusing my birthday gift because it was a weight watchers subscription?
    via u/Sensitive-Table-928
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    Hi Reddit, I turned 18 (female) yesterday but it seems to caused a bit of drama in my family so im asking for honest, objective opinions on whether im wrong. I'm using a throwaway account because this situation is obviously very humiliating for me
    via u/Sensitive-Table-928
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    For reference, my weight has always been made fun of in my family. My aunt specifically has always been very unkind and fat shamed me, even when I was younger and struggling with my body image. She used to tell me that my clothes looked so small on me, and that even her clothes are probably small for me. She used to remind me to go on diets constantly. Im currently 320lbs if it adds contexts too
    via u/Sensitive-Table-928
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    I hadn't seen my aunt in a while and for the most part I was really glad to see her for my birthday. I was slightly dreading if she would say anything to me because im aware I have gained a lot of weight since I last saw her, but she just made a few comments so I thought it was the end of it.
    via u/Sensitive-Table-928
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    I was opening a birthday card she gave me a few hours later and it had money in it, with a note that said "money for weight watchers, make some real change for once". This was humiliating and I asked her about it and she said that she could tell I was miserable and that I probably look really good underneath the fat. She said this in front of my parents, and it was very embarrassing. I told her im not accepting the gift and she's making me look stupid, but she said that she was just worried for
    via u/Sensitive-Table-928
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    DesertSong-LaLa ⚫15h ago • Edited 12h ago NTA - Absolutely NTA. She has amply applied salt in the wound for a decade. Consider: "I considered buying you an award for sustaining "Lack of Tact" and "Body Shaming" for 10+ years but instead I'll return your gift so you can buy something to pre-occupy your thoughts and actions since I'm no longer accepting your shaming insults. or...
    via u/DesertSong-LaLa
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    "I donated your birthday money gift to a local animal shelter because dogs have more empathy than you." ....c'mon sub....what else could OP state?!
    via u/DesertSong-LaLa
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    Old-Bee-4773 • 14h ago Thanks so much I'll use it for therapy for the eating disorder you gave me as a pre teen. Op NTA if she's been saying this stuff from a young age she absolutely is partly responsible for your weight.
    via u/Old-Bee-4773
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    SadLocal8314 • 13h ago This is so true-my sibs and I have eating issues. Largely due to the paternal grandmother nagging that we were going to get fat. All the time, every meal.
    via u/SadLocal8314
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    MinnieSkinny • 13h ago Wait until her birthday and give it back to her and tell her its time she got a facelift, she's looking saggy. How can she be upset? You can see she's miserable and you're just doing her a favour and looking after her.
    via u/MinnieSkinny
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    • Relevant_Hurry_7110 13h ago This!!!! This!!!! This!!!!! And shame on your parents for not defending you!!!! Good for you for having good boundaries and good sense and not taking this insult as a "gift". And, while I'm at it, f your aunt. She's hateful and she knows it. Sending love your way.
    via u/Relevant_Hurry_7110
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    Remember-Glass-Ass • 15h ago As a fat person myself at 295lbs, I am aware I'm overweight. People don't need to bring it to my attention. I'm petty enough I'd mail back the card, with the money and note telling her to and not to bother with me anymore, I'd rather have nothing than her constant judgment. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Remember-Glass-Ass
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    HighlyImprobable42 • 14h ago My sister is obese. For the last 15 years our grandparents have brought up her weight and that she should get a lap band. Every time she speaks to them. They wonder why she doesn't call anymore. NTA.
    via u/HighlyImprobable42
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    • Remember-Glass-Ass 14h ago My Mom was the same way until we finally had a fight about it and she's backed down since then. I have no idea why she was hyper focused on my sisters weight when I'm around the same size and she's never said anything.
    via u/Remember-Glass-Ass
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    hikergirl26 .15h ago If you wanted to join weight watchers and she wanted to support you with money, and she did it privately then that would helping you. To do this in front of your parents was NOT the way to do it. NTA for calling her on it. Good luck to you in your future
    via u/hikergirl26
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    Mysterious_Peas • 14h ago NTA. I'm so sorry, OP. No one should be shamed like this. My mother fat-shamed me under the guise of "caring about my health" for decades. I finally melted down at her and told her that my weight was off limits. I would hang up the phone if she started in on it. (I lived about 1,000 miles and three states away for my sanity.)
    via u/Mysterious_Peas
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    After years of therapy I finally lost 115 pounds. But I only ever gained weight when she was up my about it. I'm still heavy, but I'm not ashamed of my body anymore. I had to find the grace to love myself fat before I could lose any weight (and keep it off). OP, I'm not saying "lose weight," your journey is yours and yours alone. What I will say: Love yourself, and do not take the shame others try to give you.
    via u/Mysterious_Peas
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    lil-beannn 13h ago • probably the most appropriate response ive read yet. the constant nagging on weight for me and tends to add stress and shame, which are known to be triggers for eating to self sooth. nobody ever lost weight by being publicly OR privately humiliated. OP, while your health is important, your mental health is JUST as important. set clear, distinct boundaries. No or low contact for a while seems appropriate. No need to justify or explain, simply state the behavior that is no lon
    via u/lil-beannn

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family drama plus sized obese birthday cards fat birthday birthday party overweight bad parenting niece mean bad parents aunt family cruel Mean People
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