'She’s going to end up obese': Stepdad pressures wife to control his 5'4 150 lb 15-year-old stepdaughter's weight, mom claims it's unnecessary because she exercises 100 hours a week

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 17, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

Weight is an extremely sensitive issue with teenagers. They already have so much pressure and responsibility at such a young age, and they shouldn't have to worry about counting calories or being the perfect weight. 

The population as a whole feels very conflicted about how we should "deal with" overweight children. Sending your kid to a fat camp can be not only cruel but also ineffective when they stop exercising for 8 hours a day. Constantly monitoring their caloric intake and punishing them for eating a cupcake at school doesn't sound extremely healthy either. One of the main things you can do as a parent is cook healthy dinners for your kid and keep healthy food in the house. But the question of whether to intervene if your kid is slightly overweight but exercising regularly is a difficult one to solve, especially for the mom and stepdad in this story.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10389803008
    via leah hetteberg

    Photo does not depict the subject in the story

  • 02
    AITA for letting my daughter eat whatever she wants?
    via u/CaterpillarThink8643
  • 03
    I (45F) have a (15F) daughter. She is extremely active on her school's dance team. They have practices 8 hours a week, and according to her Fitbit she gets 100+ “active minutes" a day on average. Because of this, I basically let her eat whatever she wants (packs her own lunches/buys school lunch, eats whatever snacks she wants, eat or not eat the family dinner, all her choice). Because of the long practices, she
    via u/CaterpillarThink8643
  • 04
    usually eats a normal sized lunch, a large snack, and a large dinner every day. However, my husband (her stepfather) has told me that I need to be enforcing healthier eating habits because “she's getting chubby" (she's always been on the curvier side, but she's a size medium or a size 8 in most clothing items, she's 5'4 and 150 pounds). He told me that she's going to end up obese if I don't fix it now, and that's probably the cause of her knee problems (she's hyper mobile
    via u/CaterpillarThink8643
  • 05
    in her knees, so they'll randomly buckle backwards and get a mild sprain). I've ignored his concern on the matter, because I believe my daughter is fine the way she is (and no doctor has brought up needing to lose weight), and that the knee problems are just an unfortunate genetic component (both me and her father have similar issues). Does this make me the AH?
    via u/CaterpillarThink8643
  • 06
    Jeepers Creepers 74. 14 hr. ago NTA, but hear me out. I'm a body- positive fatty, on a WL journey, and close to your daughter's height. I've spent my whole life throwing eye daggers at anyone who criticized kids' eating habits or weight because I felt this happened to me as a kid and was NOT helpful and even did more
    via u/JeepersCreepers74
  • 07
    damage than good. I stand by that opinion as well as your daughter's right, as a 15-year old, to decide what's best for her to eat without having it policed, much less "enforced" as your husband suggests.
    via u/JeepersCreepers74
  • 08
    That said, the more work I do on my own health, the more I realize it's not a crime for a parent to want their kid to make healthy choices in all aspects of their lives, including their relationship with food. Thus, I think your husband is being an AH for focusing on the "getting chubby," "fix it now," and perhaps overstepping as a stepparent.
    via u/JeepersCreepers74
  • 09
    But I don't think he's wrong for suggesting she may be forming bad habits and you have an opportunity to help her replace them with better ones. 150 is technically overweight for your daughter's height (I know this because I initially set it as my goal weight and my doctor was like "try again, shorty"), although I know there are more factors than height and weight that go into what is healthy. If
    via u/JeepersCreepers74
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    you are responsible for providing the large snack and the large dinner, perhaps you could replace them with a normal snack and a normal dinner, or keep them large in volume but lean a little heavier on veggies and protein. And this can't be something that is just for your daughter and not the rest of the family--it's a good time to get everyone to commit to eating a little better, including stepdad!
    via u/JeepersCreepers74
  • 11
    Caterpillar Think8643 OP 14 hr. ago She can decide however much she eats, and after a 3 hour practice (where she burned over 2,000 calories) she absolutely should not be eating the same portion sizes as a sedentary person. She doesn't eat breakfast either, so the large snack is really just making up calories. She's in high school and is in charge of most of her meals.
    via u/CaterpillarThink8643
  • 12
    JeepersCreepers 74 · 14 hr. ago What is the typical large snack and large dinner?
    via u/JeepersCreepers74
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    CaterpillarThink8643 OP 14 hr. ago Snack, usually a carb (think goldfish) and some fruit and cheese. Dinner varies, she usually gets fast food one a week just because of team traditions or a weirdly timed practice (she eats off the kids menus for fast food places or gets a medium sized adult combo)
    via u/CaterpillarThink8643
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    All the other nights it's usually chicken with a side of pasta or potatoes and vegetables
    via u/CaterpillarThink8643
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    Chiomi 14 hr. ago It sounds like she's eating perfectly normally and is super active and needs the fuel. And she's including fruit and protein, which is good. Frankly, a good relationship with food and exercise are way more important than her (perfectly fine) weight, and she's nailing that.
    via u/Chiomi
  • 16
    DogmaticNuance · 10 hr. ago If I'm being honest, it makes me think OP is either consciously or unconsciously bending the truth, like many people do when they diet. The fact that OP's throwing out nice round weight numbers and stepdad is concerned (even if he's expressing it poorly) make me lean even more in that direction. Are we counting soda/Starbucks consumption here as well?
    via u/DogmaticNuance
  • 17
    5'4" and 150 is overweight. At 15, with an extremely active lifestyle, I just find myself skeptical about the diet being healthy. I agree about seeing a dietician, but please be honest.
    via u/DogmaticNuance
  • 18
    Ok-Psychology7492 - 9 hr. ago I think people need to remember that muscle weighs more than fat. I am 5'5" and 121lbs - my body is flabby. I do not work out. It looks like I weigh more than I do. 150lbs at 5'4" with regular activity? And shes in the middle of puberty? She'll be fine.
    via u/Ok-Psychology7492
  • 19
    6feet12cm 12 hr. ago You grossly overestimate the intensity of her workouts if you think she's burning OVER 2000 calories in 3 hours. For reference, I'm 5'11, work in a pretty high physically demanding job and my DAILY recommended caloric intake is just shy of 2000.
    via u/6feet12cm
  • 20
    mdthomas 15 hr. ago This sounds more like a question for your pediatrician and other medical professionals.
    via u/mdthomas
  • 21
    Swirlyflurry. 14 hr. ago Exercise doesn't negate junk food. Eating a lot isn't a problem if she's burning it off - it's more a matter of what she's eating than how much. Too much sugar or fat or processed foods can still cause health issues, even if you aren't readily gaining weight.
    via u/Swirlyflurry
  • 22
    yoimprisonmike. 11 hr. ago When I was in high school, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound thanks to my metabolism and sports. Now as a grown woman, I struggle with eating a balanced diet because it used to be so natural to eat and see no consequences. I wish I would have known better.
    via u/yoimprisonmike

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weight loss diet teenager weight teenage dieting weight gain overweight teenagers dancer excercise parenting food dancers stepdad mom parents
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