Careless mom assumes 13-year-old niece will watch her kids, blames her when her kids spill pasta sauce on the carpet: 'Your daughter wasn't even in the room when it happened'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 2, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

We often hear that it takes a village, but who exactly does that village extend to? Is it just the adults in your family, or do the older kids get to share the burden too? Shows like 19 Kids and Counting show that some parents rely on this strategy. The older kids raise the younger kids, and so on. Everyone has a buddy. But is this fair to kids that didn't sign up to child rear, and are still trying to have a childhood of their own? Every family has a different perspective on this issue, but when those perspectives clash, drama ensues.

That's the position one family found themselves in when a mom of young kids assumed that her niece would watch her kids. But the niece had a different idea in mind, and so did her mom. Read on for the story and decide what you would have done in that situation. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10397203712
    via Kristin Brown
  • 02
    AITA for encouraging my daughter not to watch her cousin or clean up his mess?
    via u/Appropriate-Bee-4743
  • 03
    Whenever my sister Lynn goes to any family event, she never watches her own kids and expects everyone else to, including my own children, who have complained about it. She will leave the room with her toddler, that acts like a wild animal.
    via u/Appropriate-Bee-4743
  • 04
    I told my children (10 and 13) not to be duped into watching that brat. My 13- year-old daughter left the room when my sister left her alone with her kid to gossip with my mom. My daughter got up and left.
    via u/Appropriate-Bee-4743
  • 05
    Lynn's toddlers pulled all the food off by the tablecloth and spilled red pasta sauce all over my mom's carpet. The kid was screaming, and Lynn started to yell at my daughter when I told Lynn it was her responsibility to watch her own kids.
    via u/Appropriate-Bee-4743
  • 06
    Lynn said she thought my daughter was watching the "baby." I asked her, "Did you ask my daughter to?" Lynn said she thought my daughter was smart enough to watch kids if they were alone with them. My daughter said maybe Lynn should be smarter next time she thinks of having kids that she can't control or watch.
    via u/Appropriate-Bee-4743
  • 07
    Yes, this was and I laughed. My mom told my daughter to help pick up. the mess because she helped cause it. My daughter refused, saying it was Lynn's fault because she let her kids run around like animals.
    via u/Appropriate-Bee-4743
  • 08
    My mom said we could all leave because we had no respect for her or her house. My daughter said she wouldn't be back until her grandmother and aunt respected her. I took my kids home.
    via u/Appropriate-Bee-4743
  • 09
    My mom thinks I should punish or talk to my daughter and make her apologize, but I won't. I don't think my daughter did anything wrong, and it's Lynn's fault for not watching her own brats.
    via u/Appropriate-Bee-4743
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    atealein 59m ago • Honestly, at the age your kids are I would say entirely NTA. Not only for how you are supporting them to express their feelings and needs but also not bend to the pressure. Don't accept responsibility for things that are out of your control and you haven't agreed to be your
    via u/atealein
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    responsibility and teach your children the same (you seem to be doing excellent job on that). The retort your daughter gave was indeed - it would have been better to not say things about others reproductive choices, because it is quite obvious she is picking up these opinions and judgments from her parents. But either way, the parent is the responsible person for whatever the child did - even if there was another minor babysitting.
    via u/atealein
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    • TxAgBen 34m ago NTA "My mom told my daughter to help pick up the mess because she helped cause it"
    via u/TxAgBen
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    How did she help cause it? By not psychic-ly picking up on her aunt's responsibility hand-off? When my kids were that age I NEVER left a room without being clear who I was asking to watch the kid and never took advantage of that. If you have a kid, they are YOUR responsibility. End of story.
    via u/TxAgBen
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    Unlucky-Gift-9360 · 59m ago NTA. Lynn should hire a babysitter if she can't keep track of her kids. Good on you for supporting your kids in this situation, I can see how in many families the responsibility could be rolled onto the shoulders of the older kids and force them to babysit just by default which honestly isn't - right. Parents need to be responsible for their own kids.
    via u/Unlucky-Gift-9360
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    Sea_Jello_8900 • 30m ago I don't think it's for your daughter to have said that AT ALL. If you're a parent you are required to have 100% responsibility for your children no matter who is present. If you choose to ask someone else you are doing so as if it is a favor not a requirement for them to do it
    via u/Sea_Jello_8900
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    because they are capable. Her entitlement that other people can watch her kids because they are there is ridiculous. Your daughter is right. If you're not mature enough to watch your kids on your own then don't have more. Complete NTA and do not tell your daughter to apologize. Make your sister apologize for making your kids feel they need to watch hers.
    via u/Sea_Jello_8900
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    ⋅ Throwway_queer 44m ago NTA protect your babies mama, you're doing good. She absolutely needs to learn to control her own children and not expect everyone around her to just instantly watch them. Your mom shouldn't be defending her or blaming your daughter for your sister's obvious irresponsibility. It would have taken a single statement to ask, get told no, and just pick up her kid.
    via u/Throwway_queer
  • 18
    wlfwrtr 34m ago • NTA Next time you go over for something and don't bring your daughter tell the truth when asked where she is. "Daughter is still waiting for an apology from two people who tried to make her responsible for the actions of someone else's kid because the mother was too irresponsible to watch him herself. She said she won't be back until she gets the apology and I agree with her. My 10 year old also won't be responsible for someone else's kid so they know now."
    via u/wlfwrtr
  • 19
    Silly-Snow1277 59m ago ΝΤΑ • Your sister is assuming people just look after their kids and she shouldn't. If she had asked? Other story (but even yhen your daughter should always be allowed to say no and sister has to accept that) Good for you for standing up for your daughter here
    via u/Silly-Snow1277
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    lanDOsmond 36m ago • Just to clarify - your daughter wasn't even in the room when it happened, right? She left. She wasn't present, she doesn't have an inherent duty of care, and care wasn't specifically transferred to her. As I see it, she has the same degree of responsibility for the situation as I, someone who's never met any of y'all, do.
    via u/lanDOsmond
  • 21
    fripi . 50m ago NTA so much. Your daughter is perfectly right and her grandmother and Aunt try to push her to be a "good wife" which is scary af. Your daughter is amazing, send her greetings. And I would definitely insist that ain't and grandmother apologize if they want to see anyone of you again... Good luck!
    via u/fripi

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childcare teens family drama aita drama kids teenagers moms parenting family cute kids reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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